It's his job to help provide for his children and good for you in sticking to the boundary on the car. Being more the "Run, Bambi, run" kind of person, I am kinda sorry that some fish might get hooked, but you didn't. It might feel inconvenient to him to drive over in a car that he doesn't own after you've already stated your concerns about it not being registered in his name and that inconvenience is something he chose to experience by telling you one thing and doing another.

How is it helping to do anything for the kids. Its his responsibility. He should just do it.

You do know if your name is on this vehicle, some one wrecks it or whatever it goes on your record? I would be calling dmv.

I am so sad the kids are going thru this. It has to be horrible to see your parents going thru all this turmoil and hear about it.

Having kids involved is the worst.

Myself I would not put up with the drama. Sounds like the kiddo's don't want to see him anyway. Maybe a leaving them somewhere other than home to be picked up? Not like he can't pick them up in his vehicle then go off in another. not something we can control.

Even though you have lol all thru your share, this has to be eating  you up. hugs.

I was misunderstood. I meant the "he helped." If it is ones responsibilty, it is not like he did anything extra he should be paying! Another is when someone says dad is babysitting the kids/ HUH? How can he babysit his own kids? We don't say mom is babysitting the kids.

That was what I meant.

I feel a lot of tension in what you share. Nothing wrong with it. Just responding. may be right may be wrong. Does not matter if you agree or disagree. I an only go by my experience. Lots from my own life, my students lives and on here.

Kids say a lot, but they are kids,their brains are not developed until into their early twenties. We often don't know till years later what affect things have on them.

I see you doing your best in a hard situation. It's my nature to be protective of children.

As far as critiscizing, we all respond on here. If you choose to take it as criticim, that is your choice. I don't criticize, not my nature. I just share what I see. Does not make it right or wrong.

Take what you want, leave the rest. Sometimes getting riled up is good, helps us to be stronger, also may help us to look at things in a different light.

-- Edited by Debilyn on Wednesday 20th of August 2014 12:00:41 AM

LOL .. bud .. that's so funny .. because that's what I had thought when I wrote it, Dr Seuss. Actually, I was thinking of a martial arts movie Ol' Iron Fists and the Green Car originally after it posted I laughed and thought of Dr Seuss.

UGH .. I need some major comic relief at the moment .. this has been a very difficult week for sooo many people I know I would blame it on the full moon there is no full moon.

Sooo many people I know have lost loved ones from completely off the wall random accidents or to illness. A guy at work took a week off and said he would have rather been a work .. the week was wrought with unexpected decisions, putting his mother's boyfriend in a nursing home. A family member passing away, his daughter breaking her ankle. Another guy lost 2 family members both unexpected and literally 2 days apart. My mom had a biopsy taken out of her eyelid or her eye? I haven't figured that one out yet. Anyway, she's being tested to make sure she doesn't have cancer in the eye she had surgery on two years ago and got mucked up. That eye has never been right. Her anxiety has been horrible which they think that is the nausea issue .. I'm so grateful that whatever anxiety I have it doesn't manifest itself like that.

The weekend wasn't all bad .. the visitation was stressful it just is what it is .. the porn and the kids, there is nothing I can do to protect them from their father .. well I should say I have done everything I can to protect them and the only full protection of his behavior is to deny him visitation and I can't do that legally. I'm praying he does it on his own. The visitations are just stressful for everyone, including him. They can be good and fun for the kids .. usually after I'm dealing with massive meltdowns because of inappropriate expectations being set .. no a 10 year old does NOT need a laptop. This is a discussion my youngest and I have had and he gets it .. yes, he's disappointed and his response is well dad said I could .. well that's GREAT .. I'm glad your dad said it was fine .. you don't live with dad you live with me which means my house, my rules. NO LAPTOP .. now .. we can redirect and get something you can use on a more regular basis. He doesn't have an iPod and if he wants a new gadget that would be appropriate and I know he would use it and enjoy it. I know him and he's my kiddo. Even he admitted mom .. the laptop is just going to make us argue because you are the adult who has to say no where as dad is the adult who gets to do what he wants. He doesn't live with us and he doesn't have to deal with any fallout .. this is my 10 year old .. he gets it and so does my girl as well she sees through the alcoholic thinking and behavior thank you Jesus on that one thing. I was straight up on the rules and what would happen with the laptop .. it's not something he would see often and it would spend a great deal of time on my closet shelf. He is not deprived .. we have a desktop. He doesn't need a laptop because his sister got one that's just not how it works. I even have made them walk to and from school which is a whole 3 blocks because it's good for them AND the weather is good. I know I'm the worst parent out there .. lol.

Tonight the kids and I are loading up the car and taking my sponsor to the airport many hours away so she can go home to visit family and I do that with a LOT of love. It will be worth it and I have asked the kids to be patient as it's a lot to ask of them. So this will have been a long week for us all .. I keep coming home to an extra body in my house .. LOL .. and I keep saying when do I ever get my house back? I guess not this year .. LOL .. I have been learning a lot about boundaries in terms of my daughter. We have things to do in the afternoon I can't always have a child here until 6 - 7pm not to mention I struggle to feed us .. I can't afford to feed another teenager especially a boy who has the metabolisms of a rabbit. The energy to boot .. LOL .. oh myy. I really have no intension of ending my night at 7pm with dinner. Sooo we are going to have to rethink some of this in terms of how many days a week he comes over. I have things to do for me this weekend I'm chairing a meeting Friday and the kids have a game that night too. We are going to attempt the fishing .. again .. LOL. Do you know that worms are imported from Canada? That's the sad state of affairs our country is in .. we can't even sell our own worms!?

My light reading consists of High Conflict People in Legal Disputes .. and I'm REALLY liking the reading .. amazing to say the least. I see myself in some of these stories .. the difference is I KNOW where I'm the issue and I know what needs to go on my character defect list unlike dealing with the A who has done nothing wrong and is having some serious personality disorder issue/s. His antisocial behavior is flaming. Some of these court cases are like reading my own .. one of my favorite cartoons is a guy in a flower shop and he is saying to the shopkeeper, "What kind of flowers say, 'I will respect the restraining order'?" OMGOSH .. I was like is that my life or WHAT? The Y membership the DAY I took out the restraining order. REALLY? LOL!? I realize in reading this book a lot of the emotional hurt I have been dealing with I have had 2 years to heal up from it and that's a good thing. I feel that I could sit down and be reasonable and say ok .. this is what I would like to do, this is what seems fair .. NOTHING is not a fair response .. LOL. I think I can see the facts as facts and feelings as feelings and know the difference. Not to say the feelings don't flare .. the difference for me is that they aren't running the show, in the beginning of the split I hurt very badly and he needed to pay. Now .. he needs to pay what is legally reasonable. That's not asking for the stars and the moon that is asking for what is rightfully the kids (and alimony I'm entitled to) and I don't feel bad about that.

It is what it is .. the drama, some of it is self induced .. because that is my anxiety of dealing with a dumb ass who persists in his behavior which is his right .. it is my right to also go .. if it walks like a duck, .. talks like a duck .. don't tell me it's not a duck. Sometimes a dumb ass is just that .. a dumb ass.

I can tell I'm on the verge of another ride down the rabbit hole .. that's a good thing because it means more awareness.

I'm not going to JADE myself and my actions or that of my children. We do ok. We're still here in spite of the crap he's put us through the last 3 years. I'm blessed and I am grateful for that.

Hugs S :)

this reminded me..

When daughter was in high school, she dated a boy her Senior year who said something about a "family car." And I asked, "Tim, what is a family car? And he said, "It has four doors and it's green."

T.

I believe that since Serenity has been awarded SOLE custody, she is able to draw certain boundaries and act upon them at her own discretion. I think perhaps the concern with him showing up in a vehicle that is not his is that he has a track record of socializing with people Serenity may consider undesirable and doing things on visitations that are also questionable. Hence, the idea is to not start of visitation with them in some "friend's car" that may demand the car back, have interaction with the children that is unnecessary and/or that if the children were injured in a crash (God forbid) in that car, there would be real problems with medical bills perhaps...Who would pay? Given all the headaches agreeing on finances already, it would seem to me her decision is based on this.