The material presented
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Hi, all. New to online forum, have been going to Al-Anon since September of last year. I love my home group, but have been wanting to expand my support network to include some online resources.
Did my reading today, and this particular line really struck me: "Does the voice of God have a chance to be heard over my angry shouting?" Wow. I am still working step one - on the surface, I know I can't MAKE my husband go into recovery (he's very functional, and thus very much in denial that he has a problem), but I often find myself falling into the manipulative, bullying patterns of trying to make him see/understand/whatever. I know it is not MY job to lead him to recovery, that is GOD's job - but I've never been good at letting others (even God) do what I think I can do better myself. The reading today reminded me that by being a bitch/bully, not only am I wasting energy and getting worked up over something I cannot change, I may very well be getting in the way of the One who CAN make changes.
I still have hope, but instead of living for the day my husband starts recovery (a day that may never arrive), I need to live for today and "let go and let God." With that in mind, I'm off to spend the day by myself on the "beach" beside the lake. My husband is out of town on business - I don't have control over his behavior when he is IN town, so I DEFINITELY have no control when he is out of town! I will be kind when talking to him on the phone (and I'll try to talk to him BEFORE he gets off work so that I am not doing my "has he been drinking?" analysis over the phone).
Just wanted to share this because today's "One Day at a Time" reading struck me so. I hope it helps someone else.
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I can throw all the fits, all the dishes, the telephone and anything else I want at the Alcoholics and in the end all I have done is teach them how to catch my BS.
Thanks for sharing this! Struck a real chord with me as I too am still stuck at step one, & new here. My H sounds very similar to yours & although I know I have no control, and I repeat over & over to myself that it is not my business, my subconscious has not yet caught up & I find myself trying to manage our diary so he can't go out drinking! But the all that happens is he's completely preoccupied when he is with us! I'm going to keep trying hard to let go, to practice my neutral face & not pry into his affairs. In the meantime, I really hope you enjoy your day at the beach. Putting the focus back on yourself for a while is a great thing! Enjoy every minute- you deserve it!!
Your share certainly reminded me of .... awhile back, a stage of life when I was asking God for help w/ the A, etc. He did. He was always there; I just did what I thought I should.... He took over at my request. During the day when I was stepping out in front [of Him] I would hear, "you need to get behind me." That was so peaceful and reassuring to me that I did not have to do this alone, or at all. During a particular prayer time, at this time I was asking permission to leave, or what was it I was supposed to do. What I heard is, "How big is your faith; how big is your God?" Well, that carried me through. If I said I had faith & I love God, then I had to live like I believed that. Talk is cheap. So, I put that into action, and if I had doubt, I gave it to God. If I had anxiety, I gave it to God.... and that worked for me. I had admitted I was powerless over alcohol, and I had to give it over before it consumed me. I did, and it didn't.
Glad you are finding inspiration, and hope. Keep up the good work.
Welcome Robean Love your share and the powerful wisdom of the ODAT . You sound gtorunded and as if you are working a strong program Glad that you are willing to share the journey.
I read the ODAT and C2C today and was equally touched vy both
I loved the quote in teh ODAT from Kahlil Gibran: How shall you punish those who remorse is already greater than their mes misdeeds?
and the C2C stresses that In times of stress it is important to make time to nurture our physical, emotional and spiritual being. Attending Al-Anon meetings, prayer, meditation is extremely important to strengthening ourselves in a difficult time.
The page points out that we are the only ones who can make our well-being our top priority and we owe it to ourselves to pay attention to our needs this is truly putting: "First things first."
Aloha Robean welcome to the board and I love the avatar. Yeppers sometimes I'd rather admit what I am going thru is "Scurvy" rather than the backlash from enabling, however the program teaches me to always call a spade a spade so that I'm working with reality and not the insanity. I had to laugh at your post because this was the same discussion we were having at the end of my morning Home Group meeting and there wasn't a single or married women in the group...all guys trying to give up our power and let go realizing some things such as ego and pride come very well disguised that we dong see and admit it while at the same time thinking we've got it turned over. We all had a good laugh. Love the laughs. Keep coming back. Scurvy!! of course that's it!! ((((hugs))))
