The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So far so good with my job . I had an issue with on of my friends. She has been dating a man who is a user. She has been borrowing money from our other friends. So far she has paid everyone back I only lent her one time a year ago and told her never to ask me again I do not like to mix friendships or family with money . She respected my wishes and never asked again. Two days ago she called me frantically asking me to lie to her brother abt where she had gotten money from. I told her no that I could not lie and I'm trying to have an honest program. I hung up because I has another video call coming in from my niece. As I was talking to my niece she sent me a msg that she told her brother. Right after I got a fb msg from the brother asking if it was true that I had lent the money. I called her to ask why she had told him after i said no she gave me a lame excuse that she froze and had to give a name. She was talking crazy. She even told me i didnt have to msg him that she would do it just to give her my log in info and she would do it and would delete the msg on messenger so that I wouldn't lie that she would lie for me. I said no that I was going to tell the truth. At that moment a program friend called and i hung up on her and talked it out. I msg the brother back that I did not lend the money. I could not lie. I feel I did the right thing. She has called and texted but I have not accepted her calls or responded to texts. I can not talk to her. I feel betrayed. I asked her not to say I had lent the money and she did it anyway. I feel like I'm being mean but I just can't talk to her. I felt the way I felt when my ex would wind up in these money schemes and drag me with him to lie. I have left that life behind I'm trying to live a better life. I am so grateful for the program and HP.
As I read this, I'm wondering why the brother needs to know who loaned her money anyway? Sounds like a very dysfunctional family situation and a test of your program work. Geez! I'll bet this was too much drama for you? Glad you are doing well in your new place and on your new job.
drama, Drama, DRAMA!! Ugh! And one of the reasons you moved was to get away from it!! Well, I think you did great. Drama is pretty much always defeated by the truth.
And yeah, sounds like best just to stay away from the dramatic people, or you could get sucked into Lord knows what again!!
Myself I don't get into these things at all. I would not have called the brother, it sorta just adds fuel to the mess. Continues the drama. Just sharing what i see. It's like knowing when someone is cheating on someone else and you know. For me I stay out of it. Not my job to get into their mess.
I still feel you did wonderful, stuck to your program. You sound strong. Sometimes we forget or are confused what part we want to play. That is only natural. I do my best to ask myself ok what do you want to do, and what makes you want to choose that.
Al anon has taught me to sit back and think. hugs!!
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Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>
"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."
The brother wanted to know because I guess she got it from someone shady...I didn't ask or want to know. I did not call the brother I just simply typed... no I did not lend the money.... the rest is their business. I'm not sure what is going on and it's none of my business. I do not want to get involved. I feel like I don't want to talk to her or be friends anymore. Idk what's going on but whatever it is she is in deep she borrowed quite a bit of money she said $4,000. It's not my problem before I would take on others issues and try to help them but I'm beginning to see the difference between enabling and sincere need.
I think you did really well. You stayed true to yourself and made the decision that was right for you. She was wrong to put you in that position. Maybe she triggered some left over pain inside you by treating you this way. I can feel a bit uneasy when someone treats me the way my ex did. Good for you, hopefully she is calling to apologise and she probably wont put you in that position again.