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I know it's my greiveing him not being here anymore and the way he hurt me that's the way I'm acting I'm angry and hurt at the same time by his actions,he called me 3times yesterday I didn't answer then he called my friends phone I told her to tell him I wasn't here so she did he just calling like i thought was to get the rest of his leather coat and collection that he always left here when he planned on coming back so he told her that to tell me that he had my money that he owed me but Im keeping the stuff that he left here cause it's worth way more then what the money plus he owed me a lot of money,I can sell what he has here to get at least some of it back.he won't be back I don't figure cause this was his doings to leave,he races around in a vehicle that he can't pay for and they are ready to come get and he has expired drivers license and no ins. On his van.i don't know where he had to go but I don't want to talk to him I don't need to right now I'm to.vulnerable,it's got to that I was just addicted to him his addictive behavior familier I was use to him ,if I were to let him back in he would just get his stuff behind my back then leave agin.but with his life the way it was going he can't be around any body that's any kind of healthy or that's stable or secure,he told me that he figured it was going to work out for him but I don't see how it maybe I dunno ,but I dought it,it never has i got to keep myself buried in my recovery so I'll be stronger if he does try to come back that I'll be able to say No to him,I'm staying away from home right now with friends for a week or so so I'll not be on here much one of my friends has wifi the other one don't that hurts cause I can't get on here to talk to y'all.but I'll be ok.i am a bit scared or really scared to death cause I was soo use to his love ,his comfort his security when we was both on the same page.this all happened in the last 3 mths me and him started going down after he got with that job of crime .things went down from there.
Good that you are taking care of you, that is self love. From what I have read in your posts, he was not capable and did not offer you love. His behavior was lIke that of a parasite. My guess is when he can no longer feed off of anyone else, he will be back. With recovery, you can get strong enough not to be his food source anymore.
Hi, LU. God bless you and hang in there. Give yourself time to grieve. It's a natural healing process and a way for your body to "reset" itself. Stay with your program, as it will help you to heal and become stronger.
((hugs))
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
You were writing negative things about him and some of this stuff was going on years ago LU. Be careful not to elevate him to post-break up sainthood. He was not and is not a good guy. His "love" did not sound like love to me.
This is as straight up as I can be and I know it's not good alanon practice but this guy sounded like a loser, crook, and a user. Bad news. You deserve better.
Try hard not to pine away after what you WANTED him to be because from all you wrote this time and over the last couple years, he was NOT a prize at all.
Lu
I know it is hard but try to Keep the focus on yourself, Write out your assets and gratitude and maybe start on a 4th Step that should kep you busy :)
You're aware. You feel you're addicted to him but you're putting good boundaries in place to not let the sickness near you again. You're going to get lonely and the lonelier we get the more we start forgetting the bad times and the better the very few long ago good times begin to look to us. It's almost like going into withdrawal from drugs and craving more even though you know it's the worst thing for you. But it's down to him or you and I'm hoping you choose you. This is when getting to f2f alanon meetings and keeping in touch with program people can really help. You've got Alanon recovery now. Keep coming back, keep working it, you're worth it. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Being addicted to an addict is just down right worse I think then being the actual addict. I do know that you do get lonely and lonelier as tired said. The best advice I ever got was right here on this board. I was told to take my eyes of my AH and put the focus right onto me. A miracle happened, I don't have the dreadful loneliness, the fear, the anxiety. I was able to really pick up the pace in my program, I finally came to realize it really is ok to take care of me first. Boundaries are also what helps me deal with many issues etc, not just my AH.
Another very powerful thing that has been hammered into my head by Al-Anon, CODA and folks right here is this: Say what I mean, mean what I say and don't say it meanly. I have many more peaceful minutes these days. F2F meetings are really a huge key in progressing in recovery, everyone can share with you their E/S/H, you take what you like and leave the rest.
My prayers are with you, you are worth your own healing recovery.
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Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
