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Hi - My wonderful step son and his baby mama are expecting. He is a frugal person, always looking for the best deal. The baby shower invites went out and baby mama thinks she is Kim Kardashean. She has around 15K over 85 items on her baby registry on babies r us. Really? Who needs a designer $800 baby crib? I am feeling so resentful. I am not going to act on these feelings, have RSVPed to the baby shower and taking items from her Target registry and bought some good deals from Ross. I am not sure why I am letting this get to me. I guess it's more loss, more dysfunctionality in the family.....HELP !!!
Some people are materialistic and I do think its related to deep seated insecurities or issues within themselves. All this stuff is kind of meaningless, can you get the baby something personal or spiritual that will mean more and be of more value than expensive toys that are really for the Mother?
Its just another thing your powerless over but you can stay in control of yourself and not take part in the whole thing. When I had my kids the presents I kept were the little personal things like a silver rocking horse piggy bank. Step 1, 2 and 3 are lifesavers for me when i feel this way.x
She's asking for what she wants. That doesn't mean she'll get it. One of the difficulties I've had in my lifetime is asking for what I want. When somebody else does it, it rubs against my defect. I can ask easily for something for other people but for me - it's like pulling teeth without anesthesia. Learning to ask for I what I really want without judging myself - although it certainly wouldn't be an $800 designer crib because at my age I know that the children are in them too short a time to invest that kind of money - has been an uphill struggle. I've been so frugal in my lifetime, my own kids when teens took me aside and said "Mom! It is time for you to spend money on you. You spend money on us all the time. You look out for other people. You do nothing for you. We don't like that. You deserve to have some of what YOU want and not just what you need to stay alive."
Having and accepting all of those feelings, yet not acting in a harmful way is a powerful example of living the 12 steps. As we age, many of us see the frivolity of the stuff...they may get there, too, someday. You stepson may get some practice in setting boundaries or loosening up with his frugality.
Mercedes1959 I was a princess when I first got pregnant and wanted all the most expensive things for my baby. Our crib cost (cringe) $1000 and the baby doesn't even like it he now sleeps in a pack and play travel crib that cost 99 dollars. Lesson learned!!
Flash forward a year I only shop sales. Forget the name brands because everything looks cute on babies! The first year of motherhood was extremely grounding and humbling experience for me. She could very well change the way I did. I really liked the gifts that were bought at discount stores. Once she sees that you can buy same quality items at lower prices she might be more open to the idea of being a bit more frugal :)
