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I got my old phone back from my abf he got him a new phone said he worked it out with someone well I checked my recent call list saw where he had deleted his call list then I went to his all call list and there was her phone number 2x I dunno who called who but he said he ended it with her and blocked her that someone said that she had come by their house looking for him and he blocked her he has been home everynite but gone most of days says he has been at a buddy's house,he had her name in his new ph. But no number beside it he said he had blocked her and that she didn't have his new ph.no...I dunno wat to believe I don't believe nothing he says it showed where they had talked for 10 mins on oneh.cal.he swears he broke it off that he hadn't a ph. For a couple of weeks that she drove all the way up here looking for him.what do I do?believe him or not I can feel my depression setting in I'm halt .im all dressed up with my makeup on and jewelry on ready to go to the dr.i took a bad fall mon.and I think I broke my foot can't put any pressure on it and it's. Black and swollen have it checked out today at the bone dr .seems like my drama and chaos never ends it's an everyday thing now .abf done good while he had no ph. Then he couldn't wait to get a ph. So he took mine until he could get him one.he got him a really nice ph.said he done some tradeing,I dunno what to believe.feeling stupid I know that .i must be a pain to y'all I'm sorry I keep on and on about him instead of me.its tireing to me too.thanks for letting me ramble on agin.
Definitely have that foot looked at, it sounds bad! How Al Anon works is a good book I have used to start to learn the hows and whys of detachment. You are letting yourself be dragged into his drama. This will ensure that you keep having the same kind of "bad luck" that he is creating for himself.
And be assured he hasn't quit for anybody. He can't quit for anybody. You can't control it or cure it, and neither can another woman.
You are not being treated well, and you are the only person that can stop it. Go treat yourself well, get to meetings!!
LU
I am happy that you are taking care of yourself and seeing the Doctor. Focusing on his activities is a complete waste of time and energy. Checking up on his phone ,only helps to disturb your serenity and since you are powerless over people, places and things, a complete waste of time . You would be better served if you wrote in your asset list or gratitude list when you feel like checking up on him and, as Kenny suggesta find a meeting for support.
You already know what kind of a person he is, don't you? The same person as before. The one who lied, cheated, sold drugs, and was addicted in multiple ways. He's doing what they do.
Sometimes we're so eager to think that we'll get what we want that we deny reality. That denial is a strong addictive process in itself.
What keeps you staying besides that yearning for things to be all right? I know we all use the word "love," but in our case that's just a kind of desperate attachment. Real love does not involve deception and turmoil. What emotions are keeping you in this terrible situation? How can you take care of those emotions?
LU: No one can really know what goes on inside another person or their marriage. Focusing on the other woman is just storytelling that isn't going to be helpful to you anymore than focusing on the man who is telling you all sorts of stuff that you already know you can't believe. If you believed him you wouldn't be confused by his words or his actions. Our disease loves to keep us spinning with stories of the past and stories of the future. In that way, it gets to continue doing what it does - destroy us. Of course, we have a choice. We can continue to do what we've always done - believe the stories - or start getting real with ourselves and work the program in order to save ourselves more confusion, chaos, sleepless nights and the progressive descent into madness. My body tells me the truth about where my head is. If it is hurting, it is telling me to pay attention to what my thoughts are and inviting me to disengage from thoughts that are harmful to me. When I hurt my feet and I have - I'm off balance and off center in my thinking. My sponsor, Al-Anon meetings and looking for a step or topic in my reader that seems to fit me and my circumstance at the time, helps me refocus and ground myself so that I am better balanced and not twisting in the wind of stinky-thinking.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 6th of August 2014 10:08:12 AM
I'm sorry about your foot Lookingup - I hope that the Doctor helps it to heal. As to the rest, I remember those feelings. I was twisting myself into knots, sometimes I still do. But one thing I don't do any more is follow through on nagging thoughts and look at AH's computer. When I started to get palpitations seeking out proof of what I was suspecting I realised that I was harming myself. It made me feel guilty which was keeping me hooked. I felt better when I started ignoring anything that he was doing. Stepping back helped me to look more objectively at the situation.
I'm sorry he's hurting you. You want to believe him but you wonder if you can. That's a really hard place to be. I'm glad you're taking care of your foot and I'm sorry you hurt it. I can't imagine how painful that must be. I ran for the train two days ago and fell on my knees lol Wonder if I should be doing more praying. Hope I made you laugh. Feel better soon and don't worry about losing your focus and sharing about him for now just share what's on your heart. Your heart feels heavy right now because you deserve good things and aren't getting them from him. Let us know how your dr. appt. goes. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I found that when I got like that it made me numb and helpless, and also more like him: sneaky, panicky, obsessed. And things like your fall also happened to me. Hang in there! Hope your foot gets better, and I hope you find a good group and can take your mind off it and get some calm and serenity, even if it's only for an hour...
-- Edited by 7th_wave on Wednesday 6th of August 2014 11:12:43 PM
