The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
daily reader. Mine is very old. The words are still black and highly contrasted. None of them have fallen off the page and I don't know how the other old timers here experience a "read" such as today's on expectations yet let me ask. Do you also hear the voices which sat with you and gently tugged you thru the lessons when you were trying to stand upright and hold on to your sanity at the same time? I can and I can still read the margin notes of first discovery from back then. I come away with the awareness again and again that "God loves me". You? Expectations was the read along with the slogan "Let go and Let God"...Love you family. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 4th of August 2014 12:07:17 PM
I have to say "no" to your question, Jerry. I don't remember folks in meetings who did for me what was done for you. I do remember people loving me as I was though because they were able to do that with themselves. "Whose business is it?" was more of what I remember from the early years - spoken a little differently, but the message spoken all the same. Learning how to march to the beat of my own drum released me from trying as often to get others to march to it, too. I learned we were like different instruments in the same orchestra with one Director. I could play my own drum with my own sticks to the beat within me and the other "instruments" could play themselves anyway they wanted, too, while the Director just smiled and waved and pointed at each of us at different times beaming in delight at the sound we could all make by playing and letting others play. A full orchestra beats a drum solo any day!
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 4th of August 2014 12:16:57 PM
I love the quote in today's reading that states: If I expect another person to react in a certain way in a given situation this gives us the opportunity to be already on the way to building the resentment. This idea was a puzzle to me in the beginning?? I have several notes on this page because I found it extremely difficult to accept and to work
The reading pointed out that every person has his own individual drives and motivations beyond our own understanding or control. Letting go of expectations was one of the most difficult defects that I struggled with. The main reason was that I felt my expectations" were reasonable"and that any sane person would agree.
I did love the quote and have it underlined in red.. It states: My search for peace will bear fruit if I stop expecting and relax into acceptance." This is definitely not an easy program. It talks easy but walks hard . I'm glad for the experience of all the members who went before who took the time to nurture me. Thanks Jerry for the reminder.
The quote:" I too often fail to live up to the expectations of others" is a great reminder
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of August 2014 01:36:08 PM
I loved todays reading too, sometimes that odat just blows me away, its so good. I love your replys here too from grateful and hotrod. Its funny, I read this out to my sister today, she was very impressed and we had a good chat about it. I bought her an odat about a year ago and shes not looked at it. Kind of demonstrates this reading. I expected her to read it and get into this land of sanity with me, lol. Alas, she is not ready and holds on to her beliefs for dear life. I have to accept her and love her and stop tryi g to ram tbis program down her throat. She gets a bit defensive when I preach to her about how she should think, cant tbink why? Lol.x
One of the oldtimers in my home group woke me up one day as we discussed an issue that affected many people living in our area. Both of us felt deeply grieved by the opposing mindsets of people who didn't see the rights of a specific group as we did. She said to me "But who am I to tell them that the way they are thinking is wrong? It is my job just to believe as I do and live according to that belief." She didn't have an expectation of others who held a different belief than we did at the time. She taught me so much that day just with her own view on how to deal with others who didn't see the rights of others as we did. To me, this gal is an example of being true to herself without expecting others to be seeing things just like she did. I loved the example because she acted the same way she spoke. I wanted to release my expectations of "the others," too and that was never her intent in sharing what she truly thought about the other with me.
PS - Loved all the shares here today. Loved the laugh I received reading your candid humor, el cee. You are such a treat!
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 4th of August 2014 01:27:31 PM
Ok, newbie here. Where can I find the reading?
"I love the quote in today's reading that states: If I expect another person to react in a certain way in a given situation this gives us the opportunity to be already on the way to building the resentment. This idea was a puzzle to me in the beginning?? I have several notes on this page because I found it extremely difficult to accept and to work"
This is exactly what I struggle with, I have expectations that I think are quite normal, and I also have tons of resentment because rarely are those expectations met.
Robynll, The page/quote can be found in the daily alanon reader "One Day at a Time in Alanon ". You can find it as well as a few other daly readers at alanon meetings on the literature table and on Amazon and several used book stores.
Others readers are :the "Courage to Change" and "Hope for Today" They are powerful tools to aid your recovery
Each time this topic comes around, it is thought filled for me. Although I don't recall many specific words from my meeting, I do recall my experience and how I felt. Specifically to the topic, I felt no expectations from partners in recovery. In the meeting space where there were no expectations of me from the outside, I could hear the expectations I had of me and others. From there I relaxed and trusted that, if I kept working my recovery, as time went by I would be ok, no matter what. I could not always articulate how I felt or my awarenesses, yet I knew all would be well If I kept working with the 12 steps. I never tire of ODAT and Courage to Change.
