The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
dick is dead .. opps .. I've probably violated a wording code and I'm really sorry right this second I'm not feeling anything except relief .. I'm not actually talking about my STBAX .. it's my ex step dad. He passed away over the weekend and I feel numb. I lived 7 years of hell with him in the house. It fractured my relationship with my mom badly, at some point it might be repaired .. it's better than it was .. the level of betrayal was to much and it's something I work hard to make sure they are ok. He was the original qualifier .. drunk and a pill popped (does anyone sense a pattern here? .. LOL?).
This man was a teacher and violated that trust on many levels for me. It's part of the reason I am reserved when it comes to true trust.
One of my BFF's from high school contacted me .. I LOVE him .. he's so dang funny and I have MISSED him a great deal!! Never romantic and never will be .. he is my brother from another mother and I have many of those. One of the major positives to come out of this is a renewed contact, he's got a beautiful family and I remember his oldest in a car seat!
He's always respected my feelings regarding this man and knew something wasn't right .. he just wasn't sure. He said he could see me slipping away during that time and didn't understand what was happening.
I heard the loveliest thing that kind of gave me permission to feel good about this .. the most beautiful things can come out of something very ugly. I'm going to hold on to that today. While I feel weepy .. I feel tears of tremendous relief and I can breathe. For the first time since I was 14 .. I can really take a deep breath and feel safe.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Your title got me curious....didn't expect that Freedom, huh? Freedom to breathe, freedom to reconnect with mom, if you want and freedom in ways that may not even be known, yet. He is also free.
The kids and I were talking about it .. they never met him and never would have .. something my daughter asked me was, mom if Grandma had stayed with him .. we wouldn't know her would we .. I told her very honestly probably not. She didn't protect me at her (my daughters) age .. why would I believe ANYTHING had changed in that regard. His illness DEF got worse with age. It does make me wonder why someone like him continued to live and other people are struck down at such an early age. One thing for sure .. he didn't live as long as his mother. She was in her 90's.
Maybe my mom and I can be closer .. I still have my gates up. I don't know .. something to just give to God and let it go. I know I'm more willing now to have an open mind because 5 years ago I wouldn't have seen us being this close. At the same time .. I'm good where we are at .. it's safe. I just need to stop picking at the old scabs.
It bothered me that he was mentioned in local news .. I actually thought he might be mentioned nationally .. reading about he's a "true American" and I'm thinking OMGOSH .. and we wonder why other countries think we are stupid Americans .. OI! LOL! I did get some entertainment out of that and I was good in terms of not commenting what I know and what myth they were creating. It really did drive home the point .. just because it's written doesn't make it true.
Gotta run to work .. OMGOSH .. I'm going to be LATE :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers your way. I know what it feels like to be relieved that someone has passed but then there's a bit of guilt over feeling that way.....well, or maybe not. I know my mom was so relieved when her father in law passed away, as was his own wife. The man was just nasty and lived until he was 95!
I do hope that your relationship with your mom improves, though, too!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Freedom, huh? Freedom to breathe, freedom to reconnect with mom, if you want and freedom in ways that may not even be known, yet. He is also free.