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Well, I have moved on to attorney number 4 .. we'll see how this goes. She was suppose to call me back last week and did not .. that is concerning to me. I want this DONE. I think she is seeing that a lot of mistakes have been made and that I have been sold down the river so to speak in the advice I have been given.
I'm very curious to see what happens going forward.
She's saying things differently than what I have heard .. this is a good thing .. it's not .. you are entitled to and then end of sentence it's .. you are entitled to .. and then why I'm entitled to it .. there are NO blanket statements. I LIKE that a great deal.
So this is different .. I do feel that it was God's plan to move my last atty out of the picture.
I will say a few things .. she was FLOORED by the parenting agreement and wanted me to explain what happened .. as in how in the hell did you get this kind of agreement and apparently I have set some serious precedence in this case. NO ONE gives away this kind of power in terms of a parenting agreement and ANY atty who looked at it unless they agreed with how it was written would allow their client to sign it. This tells me that his atty is just D.O.N.E. big time .. that actually bodes well for me. That also means whatever is presented his atty is going to pressure him to sign as the atty doesn't want to go to trial .. he's officially said .. if this goes any further he will drop the case. That was something MY new atty wanted to know why hadn't he dropped the case yet .. honestly I told her .. I do think his atty realizes how sick he is and that if this doesn't get finished I'm probably not going to get a divorce any time soon. It will make him look bad (the atty). This is the same man who is trying to make getting an OP easier the next go around for ME .. both the judge in that case and myself .. we were utterly floored. My new atty as well .. she was just perplexed .. and said .. it really does sound that way. I just said well .. you know who knows why either of them do what they do .. all I know is the fact the other atty wants out .. that is a good thing for me.
Now .. interestingly enough I was a bad alanon person .. well I wasn't bad .. LOL ... I was stubborn and mule headed .. which is good. Because of the lying, because of the truth according to STBAX .. I laid down a boundary two weeks ago about the kids and the car he was driving them around in. He keeps saying he's buying this car .. well it's not his car .. it's not registered in his name, it's in another woman's name who I don't know .. my kids don't know and so on. I did tell on myself at the atty's office and NO I was not nice to my STBAX when we spoke about it. I wanted the registration and the insurance card as I have NO idea if this car is legal to drive and I have NO idea if he can even drive .. honestly based upon points .. I am starting to wonder if he has a license or not. Anyway, I let him know he either has to show me that the car is registered in his name OR I need a copy of the insurance card as well as the registration .. I need to know who to sue if he wrecks since his pattern is to have concrete barriers and trees grow legs and wander into the street. I know .. LOL .. not nice .. he said some things to me about MY parenting .. LOL .. I thought OHHH HELLLL NOOOO .. I'm ending this conversation HERE and NOW. I did .. I have no patience coming from a man who has NOT followed through on crap without being forced to in the past 3 years. The end result is my atty backed me and said .. umm .. yah .. with his track record you have a right to say something and at this point he's respecting it .. we'll see how long that lasts.
The most ironic things happened this week .. as in .. I'm driving TO work and I never go this early normally, look in my rear view mirror and the car and the new girlfriend are in it .. LOL .. that means .. NOOOOO he's NOT buying the car from her any time soon. My son broke his glasses and literally my daughter was able to tape them together .. this last week has been crazy .. I haven't had any funds and then to boot the store we need to go to is clear across town .. LOL .. needless to say .. I look at my little booger and say .. I'm so sorry we are just going to have to suck it up at the moment. So we keep going .. and I had a good laugh as I drive him YESTERDAY because of course his dad has been "forced" to work OT .. that's not the case .. he could work the alternating weekends ... and they couldn't force him .. he does this on purpose. It is what it is. Ironically his girlfriend works at the bank that I drive past every day on my way to work and this is a short cut to get across town I ALWAYS take .. guess who is working? Guess what car is parked in the parking lot. I had a BIG laugh to myself about it and I did wonder hmm .. well it NOW explains WHY he works every weekend he has the kids. Well all of his "punishment" meant a really fun day for the kids and I. It just so happened I got passes to a fair in town it's a neat yearly thing. I hadn't been for years and the kids were just floored. We went for about 4 hours and that was long enough. My daughter says .. Mom .. my friends want me to hang out and I told her .. text your dad and let him know what you'd like to do. Literally he would have seen them for 2 hours and they weren't into it at all. So she did .. and he said fine, I asked my son and he said honestly he didn't want to deal with his dad that day so I said ok. Her hanging out turned into a sleepover and it is always fun to have life in the house. We all had a good time.
I had to laugh .. he pulled up today NOT in the green car .. I'm sure there was a large story to go with that one .. LOL!!! My daughter says .. it's official Mom, .. dad is terrified of you. She laughed and said well, it was nice having a different car however .. it was weird knowing it wasn't his. The kids were funny. They are going school supply shopping today (I hope) .. so that's a good thing. They have their supply list and thankfully my daughters is smaller because I am such a hoarder about school supplies .. I always by extra notebooks and things of that nature so I don't have to worry about it either during the school year OR it cuts down on what they need.
The hardest thing I have done ALL week is KMMS (Keep My Mouth Shut). I'm grateful for this program or I would have added a LOT of fuel to the fire over I'm crazy he's normal stuff .. he's not normal .. LOL .. and whatever crazy I have going on .. I didn't get here by myself. I'm grateful that I'm keeping things on an even keel though. Even today I felt the need and this is impulse to say something to HIM .. and I made a very conscious choice NOT to .. thank you GOD!!
Last visitation he thought he was going to walk into my house .. this pick up he didn't get out of the truck. I'm ok with that big time. He's NOT welcome in my home based upon his behavior and lack of respect for me. Then I heard some of the comments he made to the kids about things and OMGOSH .. it really is a miracle that I'm blessed with this program and know I do not have to respond to crazy or with crazy.
Anyway .. I'm feeling pretty good where I am at .. I like the atty .. she's so young .. LOL .. she looks like she's 12! I think she's really going to do the trick and I think to that she seems to get what I'm saying about the stuff I have dealt with in dealing with him. So that is nice. Now .. can I get divorced before the Judge retires .. which will be at the end of the year!!!!!!
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
My first divorce was quick, but the subsequent filings for change of custody drug on for years, and $$$$$. Oh, the stories I could tell. Their "expert witness" I had disbarred from practicing psychology every again; his attorney was dibarred on ethical issues, and a host of other things. He hired some shady characters to work against me but it all backfired on him. The truth usually prevails if you are patient. It just takes time and $ to get there.
Hang in there. These things some times drag out, but that is not always bad. If mine had gone to trial the first time, without numerous delays, i would have lost my child because of the lies they told, but multiple postponments (on their part) allowed us time to do research and uncover some pretty shady practices. I, too, went through a few attorneys until I found an ethical one.
Serenity...I remember when and when I do I get grateful that I no longer have to go thru any of that again with another alcoholic/addict or not. I'm reminded that how it turns out is always based upon my choices before and during the process. The KMMS was a good and big lesson for me on many levels. I learned how not to react to what the disease was triggering me into. I learned how to feel compassion for the alcoholic/addict and myself at the same time rather than anger, resentment and fear. I learned how to inwardly repeat the slogans when the invitation to enter the fight was being presented to me. I learned how to quietly converse with my Higher Power and lay my plan for what I needed to have while the noise level and language was trying to trigger my false ego preservation. I learned the mindset that it wasn't about "winning" at all. It was about finishing sane and serene and grateful. You seem soooo awake and I'll be you are. I know how tiring that can get and hope you are getting the rest you need and deserve. Thanks for the share (((((hugs)))))
I doubt he's going to challenge me on custody only because at this point there is SOOOO much dirt AND it would be SOOOOO expensive for him. I think I'm in the clear there .. it's GETTING the divorce that is hard. I seriously doubt his new flame is going to want to take the kids on.
If I didn't have my sense of humor I would be in a rubber room and I mean that literally .. lol .. so I laugh at the absurd and just know that God has this and is watching out for the kids and I.
It's the unknown that is causing some anxiety .. you know it's just going to be what it's going to be .. the kids are rock solid and that's a good thing. I just want this part of the deal over with. I truly don't have these kinds of funds to keep going .. it's really hard right now.
My daughter came home and said it was the most agonizing 5 hours that they had to spend with him. The school supplies got screwed up in terms of I trust her judgment .. child is only 15. Shopping school supplies has always been a tradition we look, laugh and just have fun it's usually one big trip and then lots of little ones. My son loves it as well .. so for this to be painful for them it has to be just as frustrating as all get out. The funny thing was this .. bless her heart .. she so funny .. you ask a child what they want and they are going to tell you what they want .. not what they need and that's what parents DO they guide. The fact it was painful .. THAT'S bad .. I mean how sad is that? If they thought they could they would have been home early. Ohhh and came the infamous question that my son quickly nipped in the butt .. so you want to go to the movies? Son .. ummm .. no don't think so. Now .. I don't know about you however as a parent .. I would think my kid was sick not to want to go to the movies .. this kid LIVES for the movies especially at the movie theater that's a HUGE treat. So now no movie time for him, I mean Dad.
I lack compassion which means it's probably time for AA meetings for a while .. I don't think I need compassion right now .. I need to wait until after the divorce and YES I plan on treating myself BIG TIME!! I will splurge and go away to a spa or something for ME. I just need to stick to my side of the street.
He just continues to believe he has a say in their schooling, medical care and so on .. he gave all that up. This is the fantasy that he lives in.
I'm going to wait and sleep and THEN address the issue .. LOL.
It was so bad he was calling the girlfriend for suggestions .. nice to know he can still think for himself (insert sarcasm right there .. LOL).
Anyway, thanks for being here it helps to just get it out!!!
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((SRU)) Hang in there- it was the 4th attorney that was a charm for me.
It dragged on forever, and then there were sequels- which we already know are never as impactful as the original...each time he comes back with his dukes up and with an impressive professional "air swatting vocation"- so I hear from others that it was a spectacular show- because I didn't look, not even once. I paid it no mind and I kept my energy to myself- I learned that I need it. My lawyer kept turning to me, "Did you see...?" "Emm no." "You didn't see!?!?" "Nope!" I spared myself the visual this time.
I resonate with what Jerry said, and, I have come to believe that it is always about how we choose to spend our time- so difficult when in the thick of it! I have learned so much, I endured, I grew stronger as my relationship with HP grew too. I have accepted loss as a necessary evil of survival- but thanks to Alanon I can choose not to let it devastate and repeatedly traumatize me. My destiny is not with my exAH, it is with my HP. I let go and let HP bless me with what is "just" as he starts moving positive changes in my path. ...and I have so much more to learn... I'm grateful.
