The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Update on my AH and myself. He called last night and said he cannot progress if he talks to me more than once a week and sees me more than once every two weeks, because he can't focus on himself. He hasn't been able to move from his fourth step work which he started back sometime in June when we had no communication restrictions. Initially I was mad that he absolutely will not compromise with me on anything. I told him on the call Ok, it is what is and I have to live with it.
Once I hung up and was laying in bed it dawned on me that there may be some truth in what he says, he can't keep his head focused, some of me says he is still blaming for his inability to do the work he needs to do and then part of me said, Let it go....leave it alone, move on with me, keep on trudging the hill of recovery, my own.
He also said he had his Dad come get his truck as he can't drive. I said Oh ok , then I will give your Dad your insurance bill, he can pay it then if he has the truck. Of course, my AH doesn't want to hear that, so I told him never mind, what upsets me is you tell me your Dad isn't good for you right now, but yet he can come visit and talk to you whenever you want. I canceled the insurance on the truck. No need for me to pay for that when I can't have access to use it
I am feeling ok actually about not talking to him very much. The evil me said to myself, I can't wait to ask you on the weekly call, how are you progressing and when he isn't then I want to say to him Boy who are you blaming now for that? But I won't. He has to do for himself what he has to do. I don't have to accept his decisions, nor agree with them. I can do things for me that make me happy.
I decided that I am going to start clearing out his man cave and putting away all of the liquor, beer bottle paraphenila he has collected over the years and make the extra room a spare bedroom. It will give me great joy to have that space available and it will also help me not have to think about him constantly with all that junk hanging around everywhere. I have been thinking about doing that for sometime now and haven't because I thought how it might be hurtful for him once he ever does come back around to see that pretty much this entire house has been re-done and it's all a reflection of my style, personality and all of my things. However, I know that redoing the room will be a healing step in the right direction for me. Me and my cordless drill, paint pans and brushes are having such a torrid affair, I don't know what I will do once all my re-do projects are done :)
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Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Whatever you do to make You happy is worth it, and if that means you turn the man cave into a place of solitude and rest, then so be it. My RAH is stuck on his step 4, too, but he really doesn't talk much about his recovery to me nor do I ask. I realized that him being in recovery actually meant that I needed to work my own recovery even harder and that I needed to stay on my side of the street even more than ever before!
Your thread title was perfect: you are letting go and only your HP knows what that will look like in your future. You know what I did today? My RAH was collecting boxes for months because I had asked for a separation a while ago but he balked and I changed my mind, for various reasons. Yet, he's still collecting boxes. So, today I got tired of walking into the spare garage and not having any floor space because of the boxes so I broke them all down today and compressed them into one larger box. If he doesn't like it, he can re-tape them and rebuild them, but I was tired of not being able to see the floor in there or having to do gymnastics every time I walked out there, LOL.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
You can also tell him what your plans are for the room and ask him to come clean it up himself. There are all kinds of alternative tools. All I had to do was slow down and consider options and then consider the options my sponsor and the fellowship offered. The solutions are almost endless. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
