The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AS is not in any recovery program. He does not deny that he has problems but neither does he do anything to correct them. He says he is not using but all signs point to the opposite. He is so very angry about everything. He has such abnormal reactions to things that are just really not that important. I am really trying to work my Al-anon program but my husband who my son works for is not in the program. He just wants my son to stop being the way he is. I know this just doesnt work. He has never been an angry person until recently. I think its his guilt. Could I be right? I understand he is going to have to be allowed to hit his bottom. My husband just does not understand why the AS is being such an idiot. I am at a loss as to what to do. I am stuck in the middle.
Sally: It is not unusual to develop triangular relationships. We learn in Al-Anon that not only are we powerless over the disease, alcohol and our loved ones with the disease, we are also powerless over the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of our partners, neighbors, friends and other family members. To thine own self be true to me means to listen to my inner voice, do what it suggests I do, and let other adults think, feel and behave in whatever way they choose within limits. I don't know why your son is angry. Only he knows. What I do know is that anger for me can often be a tool that wakes me up to changes I need to make in my life. Somebody else's anger just isn't my issue no matter how much I love them. I can choose to stand in the middle of other people's relationships or I can step back, step out and let folks interact with each other in whatever way they choose unless of course someone is threatening bodily harm to the other and then I call 911.
A couple of guys in our community just entered Al-Anon under the same conditions; alcoholic sons and they are glad they have. The program just isn't for women with alcoholic husbands...it is for anyone affected by someone else's drinking. As for their guilt...you didn't cause it, you cannot control it and you won't be able to cure it. It's theirs if it is guilt or anything else. Drinking and using is about loosing control much of the time and most people get angry when they cannot control their surroundings and outcomes. You're doing good in your meetings and what does your sponsor say? I know that one of the tools which works great for me...like and art form...is detachment. Using detachment allows you to watch them or others hit their bottoms without dragging you down into it. Keep coming back (((((Hugs)))))
