The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you luiza, i feel like i am going slowly insane. I have been keeping
My serenity and i am sleeping at night. Just made a normal dinner,watching a
Tv show. He has not shown up yet. Maybe he wont. I told him he is a married
Man and no dating while living here. He said well we better make it quick then.
Meaning the divorce he is a real charmer.
Well my dry ah never did move back in, he tried to get me to move out.
He did not want to involve lawyers, we could do this on our own without
Paying outsiders. i said i was going to protect my interests. And i would
move when i was ready and not before. Now he has retained his own lawyer.
I actually feel pretty good, i am just in the grieving stage of my marriage.
Most of the pain and hurt i have already been through the last 3 years.
It has been hell, the emotional and verbal abuse. Not all the time but enough
To throw you. And he is been dry for 30 years. He owns his disease and his
behaviors.
I have been trying to work on the marriage and to repair what was broken
But that takes two people. Besides what little we had left of the marriage
he threw in the trash bucket and the kicked it to the curb. He emotionally,
mentally and Morally checked out of the marriage with self righteousness
3 years ago.
When he started aa three years ago he would come home with all his
Fingers pointed at me. He refused to look at his behaviors or actions
As reasons for my behaviors. No validation or concerns for me, that gets
Very old. I would stuff all my hurts and pains.
I've had the same experience with some folks who have been in program for some time and have found myself wondering why some seem to keep the focus on themselves and others seem to enjoy continuing the blame game with others? Oh, well. As long as I keep the focus on me and not on the A - I'll grow whether or not they do. I have experienced that with full grown adults blaming their Moms, too, for who they are. Again - it's not my business and yet - like you - I am very aware of how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is and oftentimes - so subtle, we don't even recognize it for what it is. Or maybe you are meaning that three years ago after starting AA, he'd come home and blame you but now not so much? Regardless, I am glad he didn't move back in. I love that you are still standing up for you and for your interests and are not agreeing to the two of you working things out without some type of negotiator or non-interested third party. Of course, the disease doesn't want a law firm in the mix - you wouldn't be isolated and more vulnerable again.
Continuing to validate yourself and paying attention to your concerns and giving to them - great progress!
Thank you grateful for all your wisdom and help. I know i need
To focus on my healing only. Actually i feel pretty good just somewhat
Insane. My emotions and feelings are all over the place. I realize
I need to feel them and face them. Most days i wake up and then
I realize what is going on and i feel a big knot and sick To my stomach
And heart. The reality check is not much fun. I have a lot of support.
I just want the pain to go away. My HP is with me, MIP, alanon and
Friends.
I can remember those days and those feelings, too. Feeling your feelings? Wow! Now, that is truly a big sign of healing. The pain will lesson, the knot in the stomach will unravel itself as you continue to feel your feelings, seek the support of the Al-Anon program, MIP and friends and practice the program principles. One day, you might be standing near a mirror and suddenly catch a glimpse of your face with a big smile on it and your eyes twinkling again? If you're not doing it - maybe an assets and gratitude list shared with sponsor or a fellowship member might help you grieve through this difficult and challenging psychic surgery with a little less pain and a little more hope? (((M)))
That image of a smiling me with a twinkle in my eyes brought tears to my eyes.
It has been a long time since i have seen the old me without the pain of this disease
Snapping at my soul. I do a daily gratitude list but it is pretty basic because i am
Functioning in the survival mode right now. You are right i should try to do real one it
Will boost my sense of self, my ah tries to bring me down on a regular basis. My cares,
Concerns, feelings and hurts are immaterial and trivilized by him. Only his matter.
It probably doesn't feel like it to you right now, but it sounds to me like you have been released from a painful prison that maybe you couldn't feel until it was safe to feel? You don't have to talk with him, listen to him, let him in or answer his calls. He can take care of his own stuff while you take care of the most important person in your share - YOU. (((M)))
Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. I am trying to do self care and self love
And doing the next right thing. I know i am emotionally overloaded but this too shall
Pass when the divorce is settled. And healing will really begin.
Healing appears to have begun in you and will continue the more you do what you are doing for you. Sending lots of positive energy and prayers for a restful sleep for you, too.
