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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> making lists
Post Info TOPIC: making lists
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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I did a gratitude list, a to do for the house and property if we need to sell in the

divorce, a fun things to do list, also who i saw or talked to that day. I am contacting 

people that have been very supportive of me and my Journey with my dry

ah the last  11 years. Telling them what is going on and receiving great support, also 

contacted my lawyer and she will start the paperwork. we might just go for legal separation.

my emotions are all over the place but i am holding up while he is on his romantic weekend

with his A girlfriend. He will still be using our property for work so he will come and go. I plan to

get  my own apt when i am ready. I think it will be the only way i can truly move on. This is his hometown

tons of family  too many memories. I am crying right now it stinks and is very painful Place

to be but so was his terrible treatment of me. The emotional abuse was the worst it eats at

your soul. at least now i can stop hoping he will smarten up and treat me right. Its like he

has a black hole in his soul.

 



-- Edited by Mirandac on Sunday 20th of July 2014 06:09:39 AM

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blessed


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Don't focus on him treating you right; YOU treat you right. That's all you can do. You already know you can't change him. The new love interest can't change him. 

It is very hard giving your trust to a person, and having that betrayed. It takes time to get over that. But, we can't analyze it to death, or it will be the death of us. 

They have a disease we can not control, and many of them can not even control it in themselves. 

I feel bad for the new "love interest". She thinks she can change him or believes that you were the problem; thus the merry go round continues. Very sad. The vicious cycle of addiction.

The grieving will come & go; but don't be hard on yourself and don't beat yourself up. Feel it, mourn, greive, then Love on yourself, and be kind to yourself. Do what makes you smile. Go to f2f meetings, work your steps honestly. Find things to do, or rekindle things you have left behind due to your life taking you over. 

One day at a time; One step at a time. STOP. BREATH. Enjoy your new journey. God Bless. 



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Do the next right thing~

I've never regretted taking the high road. ~
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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I know he wont smarten up because it has been really awful since he started aa.
Then the emotional and verbal abuse really came out. When he faces his
Emotions he lashes out, but this was over the top stuff. He traumatized
Me and denies everything. Its all my fault for the problems we had in
The marriage. I had two separate therapists and one had met him. They
Both said get the h*** out. That was last year. This will be a long month.

the girl friend is a recovering a herself they have been friends since he started 

aa then her mentor moved away in december so i guess my husband took

over The mentoring job.



-- Edited by Mirandac on Sunday 20th of July 2014 06:22:22 AM



-- Edited by Mirandac on Sunday 20th of July 2014 06:33:34 AM

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hotrod


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Sounds as if you are really taking care of yourself in a postive manner. This is indeed a painful time but remember you are not alone and you will walk through it with the support from HP and your tools.

Remember to keep asking HP for courage, serenity and wisdom



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
grateful2be


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Good for you in making your lists and contacting folks you know are in your corner and supportive. I had to grin a bit with the "mentoring" sentences. In the words of Byron Katie: "When someone or something leaves your life - congratulations, you've been spared." (paraphrase)
Perhaps this is your HP doing for you what you haven't been able to do for yourself? Helping you to move on beyond the abusive partner you have been living with for 40 years? Al-anon will help you continue to heal and not do what has been done to you. Many blessings today, sister.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
PP


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It hurts, for that I am sorry.  As you continue with your recovery, this pain will subside and we are here to walk with you.



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Paula
Mirandac


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Thank you all it means so much to me. He was just back home to let cat out etc.
i was still at work this will be a tough one living here with his business base being
On the same property. But i will stand firm till the financials are in order then
Hopefully rent my own pad close to work and town where there is more fun things
going on.

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Debilyn


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yuck that is sure cruel and hurtful! What makes one only want a separation?

I know you will find a "home" you will be happy in. This stuff now is tearing you apart.

He chose to leave the marriage, there is no marriage left now. hard to face i sure know.

I hate knowing how much you hurt inside, once you get moving and take care of you, believe me things will be better!

love and hugs!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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With Legal separation i don't have to wait 60 days. Everyone keeps saying watch
the financials. Keep a very sharp eye Out. I will get divorced but first legal
Separation. Everything we have is 50-50 but he has stayed in the marriage
Because of the assets and also didn't have a ready made dry girlfriend in the wings
Till now. So he was willing to move out, even though he will be coming and
Going. Money and assets mean alot to him but we do have debt, big bills,
Joint healthcare you name it. We are tied at the hip together financially.
This all needs to be very clear. I am still depositing funds into our joint account.
I have talked to my divorce lawyer he needs to sign some papers,because she
Was our lawyer together. She is a good divorce lawyer but doesnt specialize in it.

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