When is it time to leave? - Al-Anon Family Group

blessed · Senior Member

When is it time to leave?

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for sharing. Then article was helpful. Where is it from?

FROG · Member

Dear blessed, I know the answer to your question. I once asked it too.

The answer given to me was to practice getting quiet and still. To see myself and my suffering... my inability to manage my life.... to love and accept myself anyway (Love is the energy of my higher power...)

This practice evolved into a committed daily ritual, I began to sit every morning and evening before bedtime. eventually there came a calm knowing for what I should do. imagine stirring a glass of muddy water, there is no clarity until agitated waters become still.

Wonderful program slogan: when you don't know what to do, wait. I used to have knee-jerk reactions to everything, I was a ticking time-bomb, very depressed and stressed-out. Using all the suggestions and tools of al-anon helped my answers to bubble up, answers that were best for me, and at the right time. No one could provide that for me. today I know that no one was ever meant to. I had to stop making others my higher power. and recover my relationship to the Real one.

When you're ready.... get quiet, get still.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

blessed · Senior Member

Frog. I totally agree. I have been still for quite some time. AlAnon has helped me so much to get to that place. Once in a while I have a moment, but it is alone when the tears fall. As far as the A, I don't engage w/ him negatively. He has totally detached from me, and only sends confrontational texts & emails, so those are easier to ignore as he is not in my face. He is waiting (hoping) I will just leave so he can have his life w/ no guilt. What he hasn't realized is that I am not the problem and he will know that once I cam gone.

Recently, our pastor said in answer to, "What to do when you don't know what to do."

1. STOP, just stop (Be still and know that I am Lord)

2. I forgot. (lol!)

3. Never give up.

We can't hear God/HP when we are running amuck and talking over Him. I am focused, and asking questions of God, and waiting on answers. Each day it becomes a little more clear.

I think this particular article was off of Huffington Post.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

He's not going to have any guilt anyhow blessed or he wouldn't be acting this way. Just wishing you as much peace, serenity, and joy as possible while living with a person so negative, contemptuous, and hateful. You sound like a very spiritual person and this relationship is going against your spiritual principles, as it is now toxic. A conundrum as I know you've stated separation/divorce are not in line with your belief system (at least up until this point).

There did come a point for me where I would have taken any financial hit to get away from my ex-A....didn't care. Similar to that reason 11....My spirit was getting killed and I felt dead on the inside staying in that relationship another day. I would have grown more and been happier living in a shack or homeless shelter. Of course my ex viewed that I was wrong in most every way. Whatever....

I think if you do decide to leave for your mental health and well being....fine. It sounds like when your son moves out for college, that will be the tipping scale. There is too much hostility and negativity to live with him. I don't know how you endure living in the same house with someone so hateful without it really taking a toll on you even more than you might state here. Sounds really awful.

FROG · Member

haha! we forget, isn't that the truth?! the fun of being human. al-anon told me I could always begin again, keep turning to a power greater than myself. Because that is where the answers will come.

For me, the prayer was, "God, please give me peace. please give me courage to take care of myself."

I went to lots and lots of meetings and noticed that it felt like I was "floating," I told the group. Nothing outside of me had changed, yet I was beginning to experience peace.

Thank you God, for the tables of recovery.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

for me it is more, what is making me stay? What am I getting from living like this? How do I really want to live? hugs, debilyn

Tampa · Veteran Member

I need posts like this.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.