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My son has been sentenced it's been over 2 weeks. I have written several letters but have not mailed any.. His is now off restriction but yet the thought of visiting him gives me anxiety.. I get depressed. He knows I love him. But his actions and poor choices has effected me and his little sister in so many ways. I will go see him but it will be on my terms. He was out on the streets running a muck and not once did any of his love ones crossed his mind. Yes I know it's the addict in him. But I think I'm to a point where I'm tired of being tired. Just venting. But is what I'm feeling normal??
Yes it's normal. You can feel deserving of a break from him Gaby. It's ok. Just out of curiosity, you said his actions hurt you and his sister. I thought you were married to his dad. Just wondering how dad is. Be kind to yourself. Take a son break for a bit maybe....He is an adult.
I didn't always visit my son in jail. He was usually coming off whatever he'd been on and it would take me 2 to 3 days to recover from the brain changes. It simply was too traumatic for me. I can't say he did anything to me or his family but I can say that I put myself through a few experiences in visiting him that I wouldn't repeat. Not because I'm upset with him but because there is only so much I can deal with at times.
Just think about him being safe now and you will be OK if you just let go. You can't change what has happened so please don't continue to hurt yourself. I want to see my son. I want to tell him I love him.
I can pray this 2 years in prison will help him go into recovery. I don't have to bring up the past anymore and I don't need to keep remembering it. It's done, it's the past and I will only look forward to a better and happier life and pray my son will come to the same conclusion. What he has ever done was not to hurt me...it was me that let it happen.
What your feeling is normal .....
Prayers for you and your family Gaby
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I'm married but it's not his bio father. His bio father walked on me when my son was two weeks old. He chose his addictions over myself and my son. His step dad loves him as his own but my son did so many bad things that it's got to a point with my husband that until my son changes then my son can come around for now my husband has completely distanced himself from my son. My sons actions has hurt myself and my daughter by making poor choices which now has made it very hard for us to see my grand daughter.. The mother is not being civil with us to see my grand daughter because she believes we should be punished over my sons actions..
Gaby: I've spent a lot of time trying to guess at someone's motivations and making myself sick in the process. I can certainly understand how hard it is to be separated from your granddaughter right now, but it is even harder on you to believe somebody else wants to punish you. Knowing your faith tradition, I'm going to share something with you that has come to me as I respond to you: "If God is for us, who can be against?" What if this time away from your granddaughter is in your best interest and others', too? You're working your program, you meet with your sponsor, you've detached from your son, you've done the legwork and surrendered your life into the care of your HP as you understand Him/Her/It. The outcome may not be what you like and can you trust that it may be exactly what is needed right now in the unfolding of God's will for your life?
That is sad Gaby :( Thank you for sharing and clarifying. It actually makes the picture clearer. You mentioned some time before that you were not sure how your son became an addict....I hope you acknowledge the power of genetics on his bio-father's side....not to feel sorry for him but so you know all the more you didn't cause this.
To thine own self be true, Gaby. If and when you feel like visiting, trust that knowing. This all sounds so simple, yet, as a mom, I know how your heart must ache.
The feeling is normal and with continued meetings and program work with a sponsor and the other tools greater understanding will result in other perceptions and feelings. Feelings are inward reactions to outside events and they also are choices. We have an multitude of feelings to choose from at any one time regardless of what is going on. Those where huge lessons for me in early recovery and I feel so fortunate in being there when the teachers were. Remember..."If you keep an open mind...you will find help". (((((Gaby)))))
It's easy to see how you would feel conflicted about going to see him. The physical and emotional effects from dealing with another's alcoholism can really take a toll on us. Sometimes just the thought of coming face to face and witnessing the consequences of the alcoholic's choices can feel unbearable. Even thinking about it can bring a flood of overwhelming anxiety and dread. Alanon suggests keeping the focus on ourselves and own lives but centering ourselves during such crises isn't easy.
Daily, I try to determine my part in situations. Is my part that it's actually not my business, not my lesson, not about me. With family, detaching with love can take many forms. I try to inventory my motive in the choices I am making. Does it feel like hp's will for me or is it my own. Am I making decisions from a place of resentment, anger, control or am I feeling connected to my higher power who's powers of love and acceptance are limitless and setting good boundaries of self care for myself.
I'm sorry you aren't feeling well right now and how your son's choices are affecting you. When they don't contact us, we are so worried about their well-being. The disease of alcoholism has no thought for others. Keep taking care. Someone in this program taught me a little trick to help with anxiety that I can share with you. They told me to try to breathe deeply and imagine I am breathing in my hp, then breathe out fully and imagine myself releasing the problem. It's helped me. Please take what you liked and leave the rest. I hope your son finds his way and you feel more serenity soon. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
