I Made the Call - Al-Anon Family Group

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

I Made the Call

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Wornoutmrsfixit)))

Prayers and positive thoughts during this difficult time.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a big step you are taking and one that you have wrestled with for quite some time. Although my x and I could make peace with each other a few years before he died, I could see that even if he got into a recovery program and worked it hard, I had moved beyond him too much to ever live with him again. He had progressed in some ways and still wasn't going to be able to be the husband or the partner I really wanted and needed. I realized a few years after he died that I had been waiting for him to mature and to let go of his addictions as I went on with my life as it was on a subconscious level. I loved him and the disease destroyed our chances at returning to being husband and wife. I know he loved me, too, in spite of all the crazy stuff that happened at his hand. But the disease destroyed for me any caring that he loved me or didn't love me. I knew I didn't need him and I also knew I couldn't want to live with him again either.

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs, big huge hugs to you! I'm sure there will be waves of emotions from time to time and I know it will hurt. You are doing what you need to do for YOU today and that's big! Sending you lots of support today. There may be a time in the future where I am in your shoes and I will look to folks like you for guidance and support knowing that you've been there before me. HUGS, again!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I met with my lawyer two years ago because he had an
Inappropriate relationship with the A girl across the street
He was going to save her and show her a sober way of life.
Things calmed down after that but he emotionally left the
Marriage at that time to never return. Now we are two years later
And there is a different A female(just) friends. He tells her and his
Mother his emotional stuff but not his wife of 29 years.

deacon · Senior Member

Isn't it a relief to have made the decision finally and know that this is it. And now you can begin the second part of your life. I know it will be hard at first but living with someone who does not validate your feelings is also hard. This way you can move on to new and better things rather than being stuck in the same old-same old.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

(((wornoutmrsfixit))).

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You sound strong. Is not easy to end something. But I know you will be so much happier and find serenity. It's amazing how good it feels when we make a decision and stick to it.

Keep us updated! hugs

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you a big hug and lots of ESH. We were married for 30 years before I finally pulled the plug on our marriage. It was so painful, and it took me almost three years to finally come to that decision. After I served him papers, he really started to get deep into his disease and died from his drinking. I miss the life we had together, but I know in my heart that I did what I needed to do to save myself. It has been a challenging journey, but I am in a good place today and I can breathe..."When nothing happens, nothing happens." I decided that something needed to happen.

Hugs,

GE

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

Thank you all for the support. It's been a weird day. I can't believe it's really going to happen. It's almost as though I keep waiting for something dramatic and really romantic to take place like it would in the movies - where we come to our senses in the nick of time but this is real life and it's just a normal old boring night and we're apart and alone. :( This stuff hurts! Asking for prayers.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((D))) I understand, sister. It does hurt and it does get better.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Alanon neither suggests staying or leave a marriage. It would be easy for me to cheer you on with the whole yay for you taking your life back and empowering yourself stuff. Those things read so well in our daily readers but living them can be much harder. They were for me anyway after a long marriage. Having a good thing for 30 years is a lot of good to consider. Of course, I'm just going by this post and don't know the rest. It's such a big decision though and final one. This is definitely not one of those I'll show him I mean business type of decisions. False pride can kick in and neither person wants to back down even though they care. I really envy you that you've had 30 good years with him. To be honest, from what you wrote in your follow up response, to me you don't sound ready to be rid of him. Anyway, know that you're loved and supported here whatever you decide. Not out to discourage or encourage your divorce. Just suggesting being really sure of what you want. Please take what you liked and leave the rest. (((hugs))) TT

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.