The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I watched the tribute video to Derek Jeter and the newscasts in the All Stars game. Our families lived in the same complex where I moved from my home state with my children who were both 8 and 6 at the time. Derek and my son are the same age. They played ball in the back yard. Both my kids and Derek played in the same softball league. When my son was close to 14, he moved to his Dad's. Derek and his family moved at around that same time. Derek loved the game. My son would play it if he wanted to and he would quit when he didn't want to play it. Derek was in and out of my town home. My daughter played with his sister. Derek's parents and I would stand in the same lines for teacher conferences and talk in our back yards. Both were very good and very humble people who I liked a lot. Of course, at that time, I had no idea that Derek would be drafted by the Yankees or that my son would end up brain damaged by a pedestrian/car accident in his mid-teens and an A in his late teens or early 20s.
Watching Derek's video and seeing his parents and his sister and nephew in the stands was a joy for me. It was, according to my kids, his dream to play major ball and he did it as a class act. Being a parent myself and a woman who knew Derek as a young boy I can so empathize with the joy and the pride that they must all feel right now although it is probably a bittersweet time.
My own son is lost to me right now. Without going into details about him and his life, I know that there will be no cheering from the stands by crowds of people for him. There will be no celebration of the life that he has led thus far. Both Derek and my son are determined people. Both had dreams and goals for their lives. One achieved those dreams and goals. One did not. Both sets of parents loved their children and did what they could to be there with them and for them. The outcomes are different for our children.
There was a time when I was visiting my son in Colorado where he lived with his Dad. The World Series was playing and the Yankees were in it. I had never said much if anything about Derek and his success to my son. But, my son - an avid baseball fan - wanted to watch the game. Derek came on the field. I was silent. I wasn't sure what to say. My son turned to me as the crowds cheered Derek for some play he'd made and said: "I helped him." "In what way, son?" "He always wanted to practice because he wanted to be a pro. I'd practice with him until I got tired. Then, I'd go in." When my son would quit playing with the boys in the back - they'd get angry, call him a quitter, or try behavior mod by offering him a baseball mitt if he'd stay in the game until it was finished. My son just wouldn't bite - not with the name-calling, not with the behavior mod (that boy's Dad was a psychologist), and not with the encouragement of his Mom to finish the game.
Until that day we watched the World Series together, I never realized that my son who played the game but didn't love the game chose to play it so that Derek could practice. As I watched Derek and his parents and felt joy for them and for the successful life Derek has achieved, I also recognize that my son who will never be cheered in the same way could very well be helping others in ways I know nothing about. Maybe that is true for many of our As? Who is to say?
I got chills reading this, Catherine, as I was privy to witness one of his charisms in this lifetime. And, one, of yours; mothering a child to be loving and aware of his gift (and destiny) in helping another soul reach what was destined to be his. (((hugs)))
Beautifual awareness and acceptance Catherine. I do believe that we are each a very vital part of the whole. Corinthians 12says it very well: " For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known". Your son, my son, yourself and everyone, are all serving God's purpose and some day we will see the design.
"Eye has not seen nor ear hard what God has prepared for those who love him" Thanks again for sharing your journey
Isn't it lovely how we are all connected in some way or other and I'm so pleased that you and your son had a chance to share that moment while watching the game. It must have been nice for you to feel that as you watched the video.
I've always loved the movie 'Its a Wonderful Life' because that film taught me that we all leave traces and that we don't necessarily even know about them. My AH husband is responsible for some tree planting in London and when I walk past them from time to time I thrill to see how they've grown and become part of the landscape. It always feel better to be reminded of the good bits. I like that phrase 'the butterfly effect', about the air moving around the world when a butterfly flaps its wings. We don't always have to do much to make a difference.
Thank you. I ache with both joy and sorrow. I believe those words found in the Epistles and I believe in your goodness PP and Hotrod and in the goodness of all humanity no matter how things look on the outer. And Milkwood, I agree. We don't have to do much to make a difference and we often don't know what our HP is doing through us.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 16th of July 2014 09:59:21 AM
We are all part of the divine's plan for each other as we, right here and now, share and feel this experience....this gentle, rippling experience that will touch others as they join in shortly.
What a beautiful thought. I love it!
(((Catherine)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Such a beautiful thought and thank you so much for sharing that story! If I've learned one thing from this program, it's that God is cheering for your son and for us. Our HP will always be on our side, even when our paths seem dark and things remain unrevealed to us. Take heart in knowing that, even though there aren't stands of people cheering for your son or for many of our kids, we are there cheering(sometimes even silently) as is our Higher Power. HUGS!!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
What a lovely story. All (most) parents want their children to do better than them. "Better" means different things to different people. I homeschooled my son K-12, and in the beginning I was scared to death. I actually cried when I got my first box of K books. lol! Would he graduate K? high school? find a job that would support a family? would his wife be able to stay home and raise their children? Well, we did it, and he got more than academics. He did school in many traditional and non-traditional ways, but we lived. We traveled. We got to know each other really well. He is a great young man & is heading to college. He is kind, funny, giving, thoughtful. He is a good person, honest, and a hard worker. I learned very early on that he is in God's hands and God determined his path long before I could make any plans for him. All I was required to do is guide him & introduce him to God, and God did the rest. :) The best thing I could do then and now is to stay out of God's way.
Today, I had a doctor appt., but also had to take my car in for detailing and he drove me to doctor, drug store for script, to grocery for ice cream (I had gum surgery), to the bank and back to p/u car. I asked him, "Can I give you some $ for gas?" He said, "No, you drove me around for 17 years." Those are the little things that make my heart smile. :)
God has a special purpose for each and every one of us. Some might be more "public figures" but more of us are just average people influencing our little part of the world for good, or not.
Thank you for sharing that wonderful story. It's all about perspective.
Thank you for sharing that Grateful2be. I was remembering another post I read a while back. Someone was saying no one grows us wanting to be an alcoholic or drug addict, and while that first drink or drug is by choice, the addiction is not. You seem like such a strong person. The very fact that you can rejoice in Derek's achievements shows how strong you are. (I wish I had your strength.) I feel strongly that your son is so special in the eyes of God. While he may seem lost to you at the moment, I know he isn't lost to God. God knows where he is and the struggles he is enduring at this time, and I know God is cheering him on.
Thank you so much for sharing a part of yourself.
Stay strong!
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Mimi. Thank you. There was a time when I kept all that I knew and most all that I felt to myself when it came to my son. I guess there comes a time in one's life when they can't remain silent as much as they did once.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 16th of July 2014 08:38:19 PM
Mimi. Thank you. There was a time when I kept all that I knew and most all that I felt to myself when it came to my son. I guess there comes a time in one's life when they can't remain silent as much as they did once.