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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I really suck and messed up
Post Info TOPIC: I really suck and messed up
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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I really suck and messed up
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I was ok really, happy, enjoying things, then these things happened:

My tenants shorted me money with out asking, money I needed for my last week before I get paid. (only get money once a month)

left me stuck at home when I needed seriously to get to town.

I texted my son as I really needed help. He never texted me back or came out. nothing. no email either.

I invited a friend I have had for thirty some years to come out the end of the month for a day. I wanted to spoil here, I miss her and have not seen her for many month and she is twenty or so min. away. She emails back she might and listed all these things she had to do. She will fly all over to see friends.

 

so..... I allowed all this to break my happiness, hurt me deeply. I felt stuck, alone, unloved. I usually keep it all to myself or lightly say hey friend I want a day with you dipstick what is this might, so tell me a day!

but instead I tell her I gotta learn not to hope anyone will call me or come see me or arrange lunches etc. she took it as I said she was a bad friend. NO I said I need to accept things as they are.

then I realized it was all me. not them. I don't like how our friendship has changed. I don't like my son to ignore me and not at least say mom I am really busy. or tell the stupid tenants I am now not happy with you MUST ask first. period.

I told my friend no we are not friends. should have added like we used to be and I mourn that.

I suck. I suck I suck.

I made my week end long and very sorta horrible and hurt my friend for three days.

My son never showed up. I am not responding to my tenants texts. I do not want to.

 

I suck I suck I suck. Did I express how I suck? lol

so now i am going to jump in the shower put on something cool and my teva's and walk to the neighbors and pray they are there and have gas I can borrow....tenants put money in my rent box. was due the first. Yes I am sooo rich they can steal from me. I had planned to go to a f2f meeting on friday. sigh but there is this friday.

I can now go get some gas and get fresh food. My tortoise henry will shurely smile!! I don't do unhappy well I guess. If one thing happens I can react or just about react and slow down and make things ok. but three plus more at once,,,,, not so much.

All I know is I wish I was married living in Louisiana, doing my armadillo rescue, tortoise sanctuary, cooking for my guy, getting kissed and hugged regularly and griping about OMGOSH this humidity is horrible. but wow look at my garden???? sigh



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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Life on Life's terms is hard at times Deb You do not suck ,you are human and need support and understanding . You are not alone
Glad you are here

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Luiza


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Hugs, Debylin.
Remember this too shall pass.


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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
milkwood


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Henry is a great name for a tortoise Debilyn.
Just wanted to send you some ((((hugs))))). Wishing you well.

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pinkchip


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Sounds like a series of negative things. No you don't suck. Everyone gets down sometimes.

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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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No, no, no sucking here! Hugs...kiss the critters for us

 



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Paula
grateful2be


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Uhm, sister, uhm...I'm saying this gently - YOU don't suck and your self-talk could use a little polishing for today with a combo of self affirmation, self approval and unconditional love. I'm glad you can go to town and will be going to a meeting, too. We love you, Debilyn, please get off your back and back into your corner!

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
blessed


Senior Member

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Ah, you don't suck. Do something nice for you; a hot bath, rub some lotion on your feet; give yourself a hug.

Have a good night's sleep. Leave today here, and have a wonderful new day tomorrow.

(((((hugs)))))) 



-- Edited by blessed on Monday 14th of July 2014 07:58:48 PM

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Do the next right thing~

I've never regretted taking the high road. ~
tiredtonite


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((debilyn))) you don't suck.  We alanoners can be people pleasers and put our own feelings and needs aside. Some of us fear rejection and abandonment. Those feelings color how we relate in uncomfortable situations with people. You got overwhelmed by too situations happening at once that hurt your feelings. It happens. It doesn't mean you suck not by a long shot. Maybe your friend will think a bit about how she is regarding you. Maybe even though you feel your words came out sideways maybe they were intended by your hp. This is sometimes how we find out who our real friends are. We don't always have to be the one to forgive, to apologize in order to hold onto people.  Let go.  You have value and are lovable imperfections and all. I hope you'll sit with your feelings and give your friend, your son and your tenants a chance to think about their behavior and maybe take ownership of their part.  You can always own what's yours to own too.

Yes, the humidity has given you a garden and working your program has given you self respect.  (((hugs))) I hope you had a good day in town.   T



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
SerenityRUS


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Hugs .. sometimes a bad day is just a bad day and nothing more .. I'm glad I get a do over tomorrow :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Debilyn


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I loved every single share thank you! neighbors lent me gas. Went to walmart spent 3 yes 3 hours for them to call the philipines to fix my phone It is all fine except it still will not send pics...arg.

friend asked me for a day for lunch. I won't talk to tenants. um no sign of son.

I feel better thank you. yea thank goodness we can wake up and start over huh? I know living and loving my xah did damage to me. I imagine it will take a long time to really be perfect! lol

Now I learned I hate hot weather for sure.

tomorrow i must make a huge chicken run as my teenage chickens are revolting and need room to play and romp and cause mayhem and havok......



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
glad


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Debilyn, You are so cute! and good for you for just laying what you were feeling out there and allowing us to know you, the positive and encouraging and "program" Debilyn as well as the Debilyn who could use as little love sometimes!

What is it they say bravery is not the absence of fear but the will to proceed in the face of fear. And for many years now you have been the one who encourages others and now your not afraid to show your "other side" .

I just plain like you!!!



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Jerry F


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Serenity!!! how simple and soooo right on.  Love it...thanks much ((((MIP)))) smile



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bud


~*Service Worker*~

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(((Debilyn))) Please be gentle with you! You do not suck; however, you - like the rest of us- are human. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to say what it is - or maybe there are better ways to word things- and sometimes it's plain good to call people out on their actions/ let them know what is unacceptable. If you feel you've said or done something that amends will help heal, then please make amends instead of beating yourself up. You are so loved!

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