Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Information magnet .. LOL
Post Info TOPIC: Information magnet .. LOL
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
Information magnet .. LOL
Permalink  

My last atty (not the one who had the stroke my female atty) and I had a conversation about what I need to know and when, why it comes to me and that I explained it's just a God thing.  I remember her looking at me and telling me S .. if it were anyone except you .. I would think they were off their rocker.   I have seen it with you over and over.  Honestly .. it blows my mind the way stuff just drops in your lap.  I would normally be telling my client to stop stalking their ex .. you don't go anywhere near him and you have tried to keep him out of your life as much as possible .. it's just uncanny the way this works out. 

I have decided I'm so in the wrong line of work.  I wish I could get a private detective license .. lol.  Hey .. I could make some money at it. 

Last night my sponsor was laughing with me because I mentioned that I had been on the phone with my insurance agent and the funny thing is she's a mutual friend of my stbax and I.  Well she was asking me how I felt being divorced and I stopped and said .. umm .. still not divorced and told her what happened she was horrified and said NOOOOO .. I was like YEESS .. she's one of those people who knows everyone and we had the biggest laugh because I mentioned who my stbax is dating and she immediately flew into a tizzy because she knows the woman.  I laughed and said OMGOSH .. well umm .. she immediately says well first off it's not going to last and second off if he's hanging out with that family he IS drinking (DUH is what I'm thinking about me). 

This explains completely what has been going on recently and it actually makes me feel even better.  I have those moments when I doubt myself and I get a gift from God that reminds me .. no, I'm not as crazy as I think I am and yes .. this is drunk behavior.  This is neither healthy or good behavior. 

Why do I have to keep having it shown to me?  That's the part that I just can't get past is yes .. he's really an alcoholic and yes .. he really has issues in that regard. 

My son had an altercation with 3 hoods in our area and this kind of thing brings up anger towards my stbax in this regard.  That kid held his own against 3 thugs.  Thankfully he wasn't hurt .. he never has had to deal with fighting back on that level and he's at a hard age .. he's not a teenager, he's not a child.  He's got such a sweet nature for the most part .. lol .. when he's not terrorizing his sister.  This was uncalled for, beyond out of line.  These little turds came back and busted the gate to my little back yard area then proceeded to try and break through the sliding glass window to get into our home.  I have never dealt with anything of this nature and I was pissed is putting it mildly.  I spoke to the office yesterday because the day it happened my son was worried about protecting me, he didn't tell me until hours later.  They threatened to hurt me via a parent kind of deal and it scared my son.  Plus he was scared because he was so angry he actually hit back.  I think he was afraid he was in trouble .. heck NO .. you are being attacked you fight back ALWAYS .. you never just roll over and take a beating.  I told him we don't live in fear that's not how this family works and it was 3 brothers .. so when we face fear as a family we will overcome it.  These cowards certainly didn't come alone.  So upon the suggestion of the front office I phoned the police .. the young officer who came out was very nice.  I swear these young men are getting younger and younger .. very nice though.  I talked to him about different community programs and he sighed and said you are one of the few people I have ever had ask me about programs for young boys who are not in trouble .. most of what we offer are things for the trouble makers and you are right .. there should be something to help build stronger young men who already have solid foundations.  We spoke about how the bible suggests you deal with conflict it's in the book of Timothy and this is what my children were taught at their school.  He was very kind and said .. I wish I had some kind of information to give you ... he really seems like a good kid.  He laughed at how the other kids in the area flock to my son.  They all run hard together.  I'm very blessed.  The officer told me I did the right thing however there is nothing he can do at this point .. the good news is .. and this is what is most important is I started a paper trail .. this is exactly what I did with the OP.  Start the paper trail so that if I have to present it again .. it is there. 

Anyway, it's one of those deals that I hurt mostly for my son .. it did make me think about those young boys and what kind of home they are being raised in and what their young lives have already exposed them to.  It is truly heart breaking .. it also reminded me as a mom .. I'm not a dad and my son needs a strong male figure in his life to show him how to be a man .. I don't want another husband as I can't get rid of the one I have .. ugh. 

I do need to find ways to have strong men in his life .. so he has started playing basket ball at school AND I'm going to try and get him signed up for martial arts.  I think it's time and he needs to be able to take a stand and defend himself if necessary and know he's making the right choices in that regard. 

His best friend came over yesterday and they have been doing boy stuff all day yesterday, last night and I'm sure today as well .. LOL.  I'm grateful that he has good friends like this to help him through his stuff.  His friend is loosing his dog today they are putting her down .. it's interesting to me that he wanted to come here to deal with this trauma.  He has also lost another pet and one is at the vet .. it has been a rough week for the boy to say the least.  So the fact he wanted to come here and just forget about what was going on is a good thing.  I feel blessed by the people in our lives. 

Hugs S :)  

 



__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
blessed


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 233
Date:
Permalink  

 it did make me think about those young boys and what kind of home they are being raised in and what their young lives have already exposed them to. 

I must share something w/ you so you don't think these kids have bad parents. They might; but they might not. 11 years ago we adopted two boys from the foster care system thining we were helping kids out of poverty and giving them a chance. They had a good life, until the decided they like crime and rebellion more. They were 8 & 10 at the time. Until they hit puberty they were managable. They were homeschooled and raised in the church. My AH was not really drinking much until they got bad, but this made him drink more & as they were going nuts my AH was dealing w/it with booze, and I was holding down the fort (very bad time). But, anyway, I was a full time advocate for these boys. Eventually, they had to be put in school for my protection, and so my husband could go to work. I couldn't be left alone w/ them. They turned into "thugs". They were in/out of psych wards as they threatened suicide and learned all kinds of great behaviors in there. I was at children's service, juvenile, and whoever else would listen to me daily. I went all the way to my Congressman to try to get help for them, for us. Oh yes, the police were regular visitors as they abused me, tore up our house, threatened my husband, etc. I was bleeding and bruised, and the police were not able to do anything. My birth son tried to protect me, and hit one of the boys and they threatened to charge him if I charged the boy that hit me, because he was not being hit and had no right to hit him. Really? He was protecting his mother and they wanted to press charges for hitting the kid that was hitting me. I was in shock. Until they commit a "real" crime they won't touch them. Hitting your mohter is not a crime apparently. They eventually did steal stuff but were given a hand slep from the court and were told, "do better and we will drop the charges." They didn't do better and were given the same promise again & again. They stole at school, from teachers and other students. They threatened kids at school. Nothing was ever done but to send them home. Eventually, we had to UNadopt them and give them back to the state as I was a prisoner in my own home. So, this taught me that all little hellions are not from bad homes. When a kid is 14, 15, 16 and hell bent on doing what he wants the parents hands are tied. The law is not on the side of the parents. It takes them going into a school and shooting people before there is a wakeup call, and even then some of them kill themselves in the process. I learned a lot and NEVER judge the parents when I hear these stories in the news. I had bins full of paperwork as I logged everything. They haven't been educated since they left my home and will be in "the system" the rest of thier lives, just like their birth parents. We tried to give them a better life and they threatened to kill me. It is very sad, and we have a serious problem in this country where kids have no boundaries and parent's hands are tied to do anything. I had people in the neighborhood call me and say, "they are over here doing this or that." I would tell them, "Please call the police." The response, "We don't want to get involved, we just wanted you to know." It was maddening.

Sorry, your son went through that ordeal. But, know that the parents may be as frustrated as you are. And if you are asked to report them to police, do it. The parents may be trying to fight the law to help their children. It is a daunting task.

 



__________________

Do the next right thing~

I've never regretted taking the high road. ~
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

loved your share!

Your son is so cool. I want to tell you if you don't know, if he hits back at school he will be in as much trouble as the other one. I taught

my kids to stand up to. they just need to know the consequences. I would home school for sure these days.

I will have to reread timothy. I know that Jesus said to turn the other cheek. But we also do have the right to defend ourselves Biblically.

when my son went thru this once, the officer tells me to have my husband catch the bully and beat the uno out of him in the alley! I was horrified he said that.

great mentor eh?

hugs honey!



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
Permalink  

That is an awful experience you have been through and I am sorry for your family. I live in low income housing and in a town that has been dubbed "little Chicago" with parole inmates being dumped here as well one of the highest poverty rates. This town suffers from white flight .. it's racially sick on many levels. Jessie Jackson did so much damage one year and we made national news and it widened the racial gap and tensions. That man should be charged with hate crimes. I never considered myself a racist until I came here. My attitudes have changed a great deal. There is a crisis of fatherless children and it's one now my children suffer with .. however this is probably more than not a parenting issue .. single young mother .. most of the kids I have worked with started having babies when they were 12. It one of the biggest reasons I to move. The public aide mentality that the world owes them. Looking for a hand out not a hand up. The housing these boys live in .. when I thought I want getting where I am now .. I went out to my car and cried. The smell of human urine was terrible .. it's weird to think one side of the street could be so different. My kids would not be going outside playing with the other kids and so on. So this is a blessing that the kids want to do that. S :)

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
Permalink  

Debilyn, one of the reasons I fight so hard to keep my kids at their school even with the money that I spend, my mom spends and so on .. I get help from the church as well is because being a small private school they can handle situations with their own discernment and we have NEVER had an issue at that school. Thank you Lord. This is outside the school. What the book of Timothy talks about is going to your neighbor and talking out the grievances .. you do that three times I believe and then you go with another neighbor. I will need to refresh myself as well .. lol. Something my daughter was taught in her religion classes was conflict resolution it was an amazing class and in her class you can see all of the kids that were there together. They have a very special bond. They stand against bullying and they walk the talk of talking things out. Going to someone and saying that is not acceptable behavior. I hope my son gets that in his class as well. This happened outside of school and would not have happened at school. The teachers who have her class have all stated how special that group is .. all I want to do is raise my kids in peace .. I won't allow them to believe they are victims or helpless in any given situation. They accept and don't judge others .. I take my lead from them. It just infuriates me three children would take away an innocence from my son because they don't know better. I'm grateful that this week he will be at camp and this incident will be a memory that he dealt with in a positive way. We have been praying for those boys and asking for God's protection. I'm so glad he's got some nice kids to play with and he's like the pied piper with those kids lol. The officer laughed when he watched the interaction between them all. He just happened to be alone when he got jumped. Hugs s :)

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Information magnet .. LOL