The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday a friend passed away from alcoholism. He drank himself straight into the grave. Such a sad story, lost a wonderful wife. He had four wonderful children and many grandchildren but just couldn't kick the bottle. He was a friend many years ago but still lived in my town and his children grew up with mine. It brought back many memories as my father also died from alcoholism when I was in my twenties. His death brought to the surface for me many bad memories and a sadness and a sense of loss. Alcoholism is such a nasty disease - it steals people from you that you love. They live in there own world and abandon those who love them. It scares me because I can see my AH going the same way. I've seen his health deteriorate for years - he is now a small shrunken man. I am also angry at how my childhood and most of my life has been ensnared in a bottle of liquor. It scares me because I seen my father go through the DT's, jail, hospitals, and being homeless. These memories are ones I have tucked away and really don't want to think about but they come rushing back at times like these. My anger has turned to depression at times, I just feel so bad for the family of my friend because I know what they are going through. I fear that I am always going to live in the shadow of alcohol and not be able to crawl out from underneath it. It just seems so overwhelming at times. I am praying for the strength to get out from under this weight. I know the three C's and say the Serenity Prayer and come to Alanon. But times like this are hard.
I am so very sorry for the pain and sadness that this dreadful disease has brought into your life, The loss of your dad to this illness is profound and it is is so very important that you have now found alanon and are able to access the support and understanding that you need and deserve. I lost my son, at age 41 to this disease and if I had not had alanon I think I would still be in deep despair. I know only too well that alcoholism is aprogressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless.
Remember alanon meetings and most importantly the Steps have been established to help us sort out the pain from the past, own it, share about it and then leave it in the past. Know that you now have the program and tools that will provide you with the courage, serenity and wisdom to live your life going forward while learning the lessons from the past without carrying the pain
Keep coming back you are worth it.
SL - it is a very sad disease. The best thing I find is to be around a lot of recovery to balance it out. There is a lot of recovery here and in alanon meetings all over the world. Without that, it would be too depressing and I would question my HP which I cannot afford to do.
