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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Would you do this??
Post Info TOPIC: Would you do this??
Newlife girl


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Would you do this??
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The front of MY house which my AH lives in by himself because I moved out in March looks like an episode of "hoarders". I can't take it anymore. Should I call the city and report him anonymously? My name is still on the house but I don't think it would affect me because all the broken down stuff is in his name. One time I told him if he didn't get rid of his junk I would call a tow truck and he said "ok, you can get hauled away with the stuff too". Shows how much he cares about things more than people. I have begged him for years to get rid of broken down vehicles and it doesn't happen. He stores them somewhere else and pays for it! I have to pick and choose my battles. But the front of the house is an eyesore to the whole neighborhood and it's been that way for too long. It needs to be cleaned up if I ever have any hope of selling this house. That's why I need to file divorce papers ASAP so a judge can decide what to do with the house. 

Would you call the city??



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Debilyn


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are you saying both your names are on the house? Myself I would have to do something as I do care about my neighbors. If your name is on the house, and you call the city, just the face a complaint has been filed would be on you both. If the city got it to the point of carting crap off, they would charge you both I am sure.

It sounds like it may be better to wait till you are divorced and things are dispersed to whoever. You know he isn't going to do anything so what is your goal in filing a complaint?

I cannot imagine having a spouse like that. I hate junk around. I pick up every tiny thing on my whole property.

Do you want the home back? Just curious, who is making payments, insurance, taxes?

hugs



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hotrod


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I would check with the Town/ City regarding their procedures in such a case.. I know in my town, the City will issue a violation, give a deadline for removal of the stuff and then they begin to levy huge fines until the violation is satisfied. It could get very expensive.

Good Luck

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Betty

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hotrod


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Hi again I just noticed that you are questioning how to upload a picture next to your screen name. Here is the format.
Click on your name and a screen witll open that looks like this:

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> View Profile: Newlife girl

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Click on avatar and you will reach a new screen that will prompt you to upload a picture . Do so and you are in



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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blessed


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We have a neighbor who is a hoarder, and I have reported them to several agencies in the city that I thought might deal with this and as far as I can tell, nothing has happened. She still brings in trailer fulls of junk every weekend.

At my own home, it has always been kept up nice inside & out, by me. When I went back to work, I had to resign myself to the inside and leave the outside to my AH. He mows the front yard and my son has to mow the back. No one pulls weeds from the beds, trims shubbery, etc. It is an eyesore and embarrassing. We have some shrubs that did not survive winter and are just stick shrubs. My son works parttime for a landscaper and I had him give me a quote this week and they quoted me $675 to remove all dead plants, trim all the others, pull weeds and lay mulch. I gave him the go ahead. It is not going to get better by letting it go longer. When we bought this house one thing that attracted me was that is was move-in ready other than having to change the color of the walls & a few upgrades in the kitchen. But, the landscaping was beautiful and the house immaculate. After building our last house (a year long ordeal) I needed move-in this time. Couldn't go through another construction project.

I would say if it is your house, you can clean it up by yourself, or hire someone to do it. Relying on the A to do it is just going to frustrate you further. I just read yesterday, "Don't make hollow ultimatums/threats." If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you give an ultimatum, be ready to follow up with the consequence if they don't comply. Otherwise we are just a clanging cymbal in their ears. I think in AlAnon is goes something like this. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and be kind.

I will give an example of an ultimatum I did not go through due to the consequences that affected me negatively. About 6 months ago I was planning an intervention, but the ultimatum was that I would move out if he did not go to rehab. I felt very sure he would not go easily, if at all, so that meant I had to move out, and my son as well. And we have tennants that rent out our basement so many people would be displaced. I was not willing to do that so did not go through with the intervention. 

Know what you want. Think it through. They proceed, or not.

 

 



-- Edited by blessed on Thursday 10th of July 2014 06:51:20 AM

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Newlife girl


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I would call the city because I know for sure I can't rely on the A to get rid of crap. I might just wait until I file papers and see what happens.

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Mattie


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I would guess that it would be more effective to evict him and then dispose of the stuff when he is no longer there to try to interfere with the disposal.  I assume you've talked to a lawyer about your rights and what happens to the house and all that?  It might be more efficient to deal with the divorce first.  Either way, I'd talk to a lawyer to make sure you're following procedure and not causing more complications.  But I'm very sure that you have the right to protect yourself and your property.  Hang in there.



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Would you do this??