Wish me luck - Al-Anon Family Group

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Wish me luck

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

wow this is huge progress. I believe you are so much like me. You had to wait until you were completely sure when you finally ended living with him. When I got this way there was no turning back.

I also said more than once, even if he had been in recovery ten years I was not willing to go thru the relapse that would surely come. He was so great with his recovery when we got together again. I was ignorant to so much about the disease.

like another person on the board today, when we are done, we are done. If he is truly on program he will take the splitting up with grace.

So will he move out? Can you afford your home on your own? I sure would not depend on him for money. I rented out a room. Though i wish she would not have been insane. lol I would do it again with the right person.

There are ways of making money to suppliment a job you can do at home. I boarded dogs in my home. Easily could make over a hundred a week end. Was fun too.

I liked caring for peoples animals in their homes and making the home looked lived in for them. Also cleaned new houses for contractors. You givem a bid of how much. It was fun. House was really clean anyway! Make over two hundred in two days! OH and I did landscaping. That was sooooo fun. I took my dog with me. One place I took stuff to dump, planted. oh it looked sooo nice. She gave me this cool a antique watering can.

I worked for the school district as a tutor so was off summers. Did it year round though.I know hp would help you.

You know I am always there for you. Even if you are not ready right now, you are close! hugs hugs hugs!!!

blessed · Senior Member

I can totally relate to every word you say. Many say they still love their A. I don't think I do, as this is not the man I married. OH, I know he has a disease, but he is mean and hateful to me, and is very unlovable. He wants/ needs me to hate him so he can carry on his destructive lifestyle. I will not be a tool in his addiction. I don't hate him; I just don't like him.

In order not to go crazy, or live a life of regret, for today I will only make decisions as they relate to today. Sometimes it is for the next hour, or the next 5 minutes. But, in managable, bite-size pieces that will not choke me.

I have a few things in place should tomorrow be the day I have to do something different, but that is tomorrow - not today.

By adopting this mind set, (just for today), I can do what I have to do today and sleep tonight. Anything bigger than that is just too much for me, today.

People who do not live in this A world don't get it and say, "you deserve better" "I wouldn't put up with it"..... But, no one knows what they will do unless they walk a mile in my shoes.

I wish you all the best.

-- Edited by blessed on Wednesday 9th of July 2014 09:32:54 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((ILD)))....The "normie" word is always a trigger for me. I came to see the "normie" me and after I separated and divorced my alcoholic/addict my life didn't get much better because I took with me all of the thoughts, feelings and actions I had not changed yet. I continued to have problems regarding "my part in it" just as I was told I would. It was maddening cause It was only me that I could hold responsible for the outcomes. My alcoholic/addict wife wasn't the first addict wife I had...she was number two and there was a raging alcoholic in between. Insane/alcoholic/addict was normal for me until I learned to accept and work another normal; the program. My present spouse came from within the disease also and at times the normie rises between us and still the only part I need to change is mine. I was born and raised within the disease and that was my normal...the fact that I am an Al-Anon member in recovery reminds me of my normal then and now. Of course this is just for me. I encourage you to stay involved with your own recovery. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Just for today....
That's all I can do, right?

To answer Debilyn; I am still not sure, I am just weighing my options, taking things one day at a time! For me, financial fears are my greatest issues right now and even though I know I need to trust God, I also believe we have to do some leg work of our own. I have to figure out exactly how that looks for me.

All I do know is that I am ready to move forward and 'm tired of being stagnant. I just want to make sure I am in God's will as I work to unstick myself, lol.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Blessings, ILD...You went back to the previous screen name:)

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
Blessings, ILD...You went back to the previous screen name:)

Lol! I hadn't even realized it! It's because I logged in with my iPad and it was already in the log in screen and I guess I didn't see it? Most of the time I log in from my computer!

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

So, I'm back home everybody. Not really wanting to be here but that's where I am, for today. I have so much to be grateful for so I'm looking to focus on gratitude and make that a more pivotal part of my recovery. I will be going back to the 'andromeda' user name now since I'm home and can change my setting without technology driving me crazy, LOL.

I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of fear to work through. A friend reminded me this past week that fear is sometimes a good thing and that some of my fears may be founded and that maybe I need to really address them to see what my future would look like without my AH's income. In other words, I was hearing: yes, your fears are valid fears, so what are you going to do about them and maybe you just need more time to work things out, especially the financial part. I am turning it over to my HP today and every day, as always!

Thank you all for the support and love on these boards. There are many days when I feel so lost and I know you all will be here to lift me up!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi ild, its nice to see your name again. I know what your saying, its not an easy thing to live with. I know people who are committed to their recovery and have a great life through it. They travel around the country and abroad going to conventions. There is a good social life for couples in aa and alanon. Im not sure if this would be something you and your husband could get into. If you feel your done then im not sure there is any going back from that, there wasnt for me. I just knew, it was well and truly over for me.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Back to 'andromeda'? But, but, I mean, look at me!! You love me under this user name!

Somebody told me once 'it's ok to be afraid'. It took me 20 years to really understand what he meant by that. That fear is good, and looking at fear and understanding it and deciding whether it is rational or reactionary is a good thing. That is so much a part of all of our journeys, and I feel like I have just started mine.

keep coming back throughout your journey.

kenny

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL! Kenny, I don't mean to confuse anyone. I wanted to let go of ILD because it was linked to a joint email that I share with AH so I set up a new name, Adromeda, under my new gmail email account. When I logged on with my iPad, I just didn't realize it was still automatically logged in under ILD. Hence the confusion.

As for fear, I know it's the biggest hurdle I have right now. I really have to focus on it and push through.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.