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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Let go it's a waste of energy...
Post Info TOPIC: Let go it's a waste of energy...
Jerry F


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Let go it's a waste of energy...
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Latest text not from my sponsor and from my Al-Anon working spouse.  I need to hear that often either from my sponsor, HP, MIP, wife and whomever cause that is one of my old self protective characteristic out of being born and raised in alcoholism. 

I was an isolator so that I could escape the confrontations which often came often living in the insanity.  It became a way of working denial and then a procrastination tool.  When problems became pressing I resorted to anger and rage and power and control to back my "opponents" away from me and I wouldn't use other tools in the solution.  "Going off" became part of my character which caused me to be titled "Crazy" and then I didn't care...whatever...get the hell out of my face and life or..... 

I went to a morning meeting to set the tone kinda, sorta.  I needed to tone down the projections of what will happen when I only have suspicions in my head based upon disease history.   "Oh oh...its happening again and I need to go get my shield and sword and mace".     Of course that's fear...False Evidence (or no evidence) Appearing Real. I needed to do "something" rather than the opposite alternative of acting out "Okay it's okay for you to crap on me and of course I will pay the bill after that".  I needed adrenalin and not alcohol and I'm sure I had a shot or two of it in me.

This was the second trip on this problem and the first was yesterday.  Today was taking it to management who again wasn't there and blah blah blah would only be there when I couldn't.  I was told there was another in the back and they would get him.  Men don't do well me with me...it becomes a testosterone splash and I are one and am experience at being one...I will not be b.s.ed or patronized.  Yesterday was the mechanic and today a "John".  "I know how you feel he said" and I told him to stop the patronization.  I brought my lawnmower in with a specific problem which hasn't been addressed while other things were done that were not authorized and while the mower is under warrantee there is a stated charge for just under a hundred bucks.  I kept wanting to hear that the problem I brought it in for was cited and corrected and he didn't know just as the mechanic yesterday didn"t know.  I'm not an inexperienced person and I do my homework.  I have a program that keeps the playing field level and the weapons not all on my side.  The manager flustered and reacted (not my problem) and then told me "we are not changing you anything".  "It's under warrantee I replied, is the problem I brought it in with corrected? (several times) and he went out to check.  It was and I went outside to get my mower...I got a business to do.  Mechanic wasn't happy...not my problem.  He started the mower to acknowledge that it was fixed and put it in the back of my truck.  My response?  Mahalo.  Signed the billing and left.  Adrenalin and testosterone diminishing now.  Can use the energy on doing my work.  When I get upset, pissed it feels scary...glad to have AFG and MIP and most certainly my HP.   Thanks for letting me rant.    (((((hugs))))) smile



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Debilyn


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geez Jerry it makes me nuts the incompetence of some people. It's like no one cares about their jobs anymore. Then they say something so stupid, ya cannot even say anything back!

You handled this well. hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

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grateful2be


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I grandstand when I don't feel heard and do feel discounted or blown off by somebody who says they are there "for me." I just keep going higher and higher until I find the one person who really will listen and work with them. The others I figure are just the stepping stones to a higher place where I can meet up with somebody who really does care. There's always at least one person like that in any company. I'm with Deb. If you said what you meant, meant what you said and didn't pull out flame throwers or a whip - I'd say you did really well here.


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hotrod


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Good Job Jerry YAY!!!!

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Jerry F


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Ladies!!  I even forgot the flamethrower and whip!!  lol  I read and hear my former sponsor tell me, "it's not required that you like it...what is required is that you do it".  Can't hide any longer...have to come out into the world and participate.    smile



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hotrod


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I hear you We must of had the" same sponsor :)" or they  worked a great program



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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PP


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Well, I am glad you come out and participate instead of throwing flamessmile



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Paula
Cathyinaz


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When you do your homework you can address the problem a whole lot better with strength. Tell it, ask and then dot your t's and cross your I's...oh I got that one wrong didn't I

Dang you you what I'm talking about.... Good job taking care of business and moving on.

((( hugs ))))

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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

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Jerry F


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My entire sponsorship worked/works good program...not perfect...good and very good.  When I sit with my sponsor we discuss for hours and trade perceptions and experiences and alternative choices to perceived problems to my/our serenities.   Yeppers my sponsor doesn't resist listening to suggestions on alternative responses to problems from his sponsee.  I get checked for follow thru and changed outcomes.  We have differences at times with expectations that they will come up and we don't expect perfection from each other.  I work the same way with my own sponsees and don't have any perceptions that they cannot see and understand the picture and therefore cannot figure out alternatives...I add alternatives from my experiences they don't get hammered with musts and have toos the get more perspectives and alternatives.  After the meeting with the sponsor then comes the work and the consequences...always the consequences.

The consequence on this deal partly was that My wife and I don't get hit with a hundred dollar or more charge in addition to what we already paid for the lawnmower.  Of course the primary consequence from the start was that the machine would be fixed...the stated problem only and not a bunch of superfluous stuff they can get the warrantee to pay.  It came out that way...so it worked and I worked it.   ((((hugs))))smile  Was I prepared for it to come out different?  partly and only partly.

 



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Debilyn


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I remember thinking let it go? are you kidding?? then when I did it, omgosh what a freedom!! "Drop the Rock." It just did not matter! Who cares if he thinks he is right, who cares if he says dumb stuff, who cares if he sings the wrong words to songs now?

Just does not matter. Does not matter to me about anyone now. I just smile and go on. Sometimes I feel like Gandi looked or oh the doli dauli dali llama?? lama? well  uno that smile and serenity of knowing. Not reacting, looking at it lovingly with no criticalness at all. Able to just move on with grace. Sorta like natural pot  uno?

lol hugs!

ps and you know it is funny how responding like that makes the other person so much madder????!!!! One of my JW elders came up to the cabin when I was there. OH he was so inappropriate. I kept saying, I will pray for you, I will pray for you. Saw him later at a meeting, he gave such a great share and talk! I walked up to him afterwards. he did not recognize me. I reminded him, he turned red.I said we are fine! You had your heart in the right place lol

 

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
milkwood


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I always appreciate your posts Jerry, so much awareness. Thank you for being here

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likemyheart


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Cheers Jerry - this reminds me of something I learned from a former boss; I don't remember him fondly at all but he taught me one thing that I have used in life - "you're not listening to me" - I had a salesman defending their policy (had to do with waiting for a "free" delivery) and my attempts to interject my point, I finally said, "I guess you're not listening to me" and he stopped dead in his tracks, said, ok, what? Success, I got him to stop defending and really hear my complaint - which was - when you knew it wasn't going to be delivered today because it was a holiday weekend and your system couldn't approve the instant credit you assured me was a no brainer - why didn't you call me instead of leave me waiting all day for a delivery that was never going to happen? His response, "you're right, I'm sorry". End of phone call. That sentence - You're not listening to me - has come in handy, sometimes I end an exchange with it because the person not listening still won't listen no matter what; sometimes it makes people stop and try.

it also reminds me of a time when I took my car for a radiator replacement; yeah, they did that, but also sprayed something on the engine to make it look better, recharged my leaky a/c and tried to charge me double the quoted price for the extras - uh, no - doesn't the engine look good? uh, yeah, but I can buy that spray-on stuff myself for 5 bucks a can and spray it on for free; and, the a/c leaks so what good does recharging it do?

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Jerry F


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(((Likemyheart)))  that is a good tool.  "You're not listening to me".  Just imagining what it would work like when I use it...lol  Doesn't sound like you said it mean after you mean't what you said.   smile



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