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A few things going on .. my STBAX is back to randomly obsessing with me and what I'm doing. There was an incident over the weekend .. well more than one that whatever filter he had going on .. literally was out of order. Some of the things he said to the kids .. especially our youngest .. it was awful so over the top and our oldest was left to try and sort it out. This was obviously while they were on visitation with their dad. Sunday was an off day for them all apparently. I'm REALLY trying to stay out of it except to help the kids process and find their voice.
I have a call into my atty's office and I'm going down there this afternoon. I have everything documented, however I'm going to wait before I take action .. the only action I would like the atty's office to take is to PLEASE get a damn court date .. this needs to be finished, .. I can tell he's headed for a big break down.
So .. I'm going to make a prediction with my cracked crystal ball .. I am getting a LARGE feeling he's headed for a DUI in about 7 months and I feel VERY strongly about this .. he's on the verge again of me getting a restraining order. It's his lack of reality and how he's harassing myself and the children about weekday visitation. He's blaming our oldest now for him not seeing him during the week the reality is .. they have told him no, .. I have told him no, and in the paperwork it says NO. What part of N.O. is he not hearing .. UGH!! He's spun some very wild tales and I'm just SOOOOOOO grateful that the kids watch out for each other.
Now following my program as much as I wanted to wring his neck this weekend .. I just decided prison orange is SOO NOT my color. LOL! I focused ON me. I went to a meeting. I relaxed. I even had to tell my Mom .. I just didn't want to talk over the weekend .. it was all just to much to process. I felt bad as I hadn't talked to her for a while .. sometimes .. enough is enough .. my brain just wasn't into answering questions I don't have answers to. I text with my sponsor that always makes me laugh. I read some of my lit. I remembered that I'm dealing with a disease that defies logic and the qualifier in my life definitely showed that to be true. I made some hard decisions as to the next course of action .. so I already have a plan B and a plan C at this point.
I'm just not interested in crazy at the moment and I choose what drama I let into my life. His is not it. So I'm trying to shield the kids the best I can .. and even they said .. good grief mom .. what is wrong with him? I don't know baby .. well I do know and they know .. what's the point as nothing has changed!!
Please pray that I get an answer about my divorce situation, a new court date, .. that I am able to find out what is going on. I have a meeting tonight so that will settle my nerves a bit. Most of all please pray that the kids have some peace between all of this stupidity between adults .. that's the part that pisses me off as it doesn't have to be like that and he just insists on fueling the fire.
I would just like to be done with all this crap.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I hope you get your date soon. Its good you can see the escalation and progress of the disease and protect you and your kids from it. A ro sounds like a good thing for everyone, so glad you have the courage to face it and do the next right thing. Its a great example to set the kids too and it all builds trust, they trust you and you can trust yourself.x
Prayers and hugs, Serenity. Good self care I see in your share over the weekend. Limiting yourself to being where you can hear yourself think and feel your feelings without interruption for a short time sounds wise to me. I, too, need to withdraw "from the world" when too much is too much and I know I must rest in my HP's embrace.
Of course you have my prayers...shielding our children from a crazy parent not within our immediate radar can be unbearable. You are doing a great job as a mom.
I didn't find anything new out today .. I realize that God has other plans .. it's just this is enough .. I'm very over what is going on at the moment. It would be so much healthier if this just got done .. I just see what is happening and it's so not a good thing.
I don't know what is going on .. I just know I am feeling very unsafe.
Thankfully he hasn't called the kids at this point, and they aren't reaching out to him. He's not causing issues in terms of they understand what is happening .. it's just so sad. Still it's unnerving to think that he really believes he has the right to just show up when he wants to and take the kids. He's not understanding the gravity of what he's trying to do.
THAT upsets them a great deal .. as they see how much reality he has lost it.
I'm hoping that I hear something tomorrow.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Alcoholics can't stand rules. I wonder if it's not so much a reality break as willfulness, resentment over rules, emotional immaturity, and the constant desire to sabotage and push the envelope. This is standard active alcoholic stuff sounds like. Not that you shouldn't be careful...
That thought has crossed my mind. It's the fact that he's being extremely inappropriate with the kids ... just elementary school behavior with them. Trying to set them against each other .. thankfully they are smarter than that and they spend so much time together that they get it.
The problem is that he's fixating again on me .. it's the exact same thing that he did last May. It's freaky!!
I talked to my sponsor and she shared something that made complete sense, .. my behavior has changed and so his behavior is escalating. She described it as basically instead of poking the tiger .. he's lit the stick on fire and is poking the tiger. It's just sheer desperation for attention.
Hopefully this will be over sooner than later ..
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Well...divorce will be over...Maybe you can move and get physical detachment to help. He is busted, no program of recovery, grasping at things to make him feel better...passive aggression and weird crap. Before, you were the nagging wife that he thought he kept propped up and now you are functioning on your own and he can't deal with life. An upsetting turn of events for him I'm betting. Of course he's bitter and wondering how you can make it in the world when he can't. Part of him blames you probably and some of him may resent his own kids because he doesn't have the maturity or skills to be appropriate, and care for them emotionally and financially (and maybe he never did). Hence, you periodically get this version of him when he's at his sicker points and it's lurking there all the time even when he's doing better... So sad.
It TOTALLY is sad .. and again .. using the kids the way he is .. feeding them information so they feed it to me kind of thing. It's ok .. I'm glad the kids feel they can come and talk to me about anything .. I do tell them when enough is enough.
I think in terms about the situation and what has changed for him? NOTHING .. I do mean NOTHING since he moved out Jan 2011. He's still having to support me financially (child support/alimony), he's moved back in with his mother, he's still driving the crappy truck, he's still doing the same thing over and over again .. he's still trolling for another enabler (I think a better word is emotionally connected). So what has changed? ZERO. Then there are situations that are being created by him that he's reliving 2010 again .. dating a woman who broke her ankle recently, .. having to cater to her, can you imagine the resentment there? I mean .. he's managed to having to take care of his mother and another woman .. LOL! He's got to be going out of his mind .. it's really no wonder he's focused on me when he has the kids.
I think about where I am .. I have moved, the kids are doing very well (that wasn't suppose to happen either .. them being happy about where we live), I am working a part time job, I'm doing things to move forward with my life. I am not the same person I was when he left in 2012. I have grown spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. You are right .. things aren't perfect in my life and that's ok .. things ARE different and that's a VERY good thing.
Anyway, I'm VERY glad the divorce will be done sooner than later .. I just want an end date this is enough already. When my 10 year old is making the statement .. Mommy, .. this needs to be DONE. It will make things better for everyone. I am in full agreement that YES .. this needs to be DONE.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
