The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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I am feeling bad for my daughter. This marriage will be my second divorce. My mom 's dad was an alcoholic. She is encouraging me that my daughter will be ok with us divorcing because it will be better than her living with fighting parents and an alcoholic father. I am seeking words of encouragement from anyone...especially the ACOH who is proud of their sober parent that left the marriage...if you are out there.
I have 3 kids who have been through divorce. trying not to beat myself up for my bad choices. :(
I am an ACOA and really wished my mom would have left my dad, instead of putting us kids through years of hell. Years of fights, him being passed out, having cops come over. The best times were when my alcoholic dad was committed to a State Hospital for treatment. We would have peace at home. Though my Mom struggled financially it was still peaceful. Then he would show back up again and the hell would start all over. I wish my mom would have left my dad. Bu this is a decision you have to make. Keep coming to Alanon and realize how much support there is for you here.
Thanks quick learner! I have changed your screen name. Hope you don't mind. I left my AH in March. I responded to your victim post. Loved it. Anyway...thank you so much for telling me your experience. I kept waiting and waiting for 11 years for my AH to stop drinking. Finally gave up waiting. If he gets sober without living with me...that's fine. I don't care anymore. I had to move out for my sanity and my kids. We had cops coming to our house too. The last few years have been hell, he also got fired from his job. I will try to be somewhat proud of myself for finally leaving...I wish it didn't take me so long...I couldn't have done it without al anon, my sponsor, my family and my HP.
Although my parents were both probably ACOAs, I can't say that I was. I can say that both my kids when they reached their teens were glad that I left their Dad and wondered aloud as to how we could have even chosen each other. They probably will never resolve that question for themselves, but neither thought my divorcing their father did anything but release both my x and I from a relationship that never would have worked long-term.
My daughter did say that one of the things she was most happy about in my relationship to her Dad following the divorce was that I never, ever put him down or tried to keep her from him. She made up her own mind about her Dad and saw him for who he was without shutting off her love for him in order to side with me. She felt she could love us both for who we were and who we were not.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 6th of July 2014 08:09:16 AM
My husband (new wording lol) is one of those. He could not stand his drunk dad and wanted them to divorce. He was happy and proud of his mom for what she did. His mom can be a character, but she has much to be admired and part of that includes divorcing her drunk husband and raising 3 boys on her own largely.
