The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been reading a lot of the posts on this board lately, but I havent posted replies because Im new. When I read the threads, its like Im sitting in on an open discussion, but Im doing all the listening. Recently I read some discussion threads on denial. Wow, how I could relate to these!! For many years, I have been queen of denial. My husband and I go to church on Sunday, and everything is fine. People admire us perfect couple, so I had to keep up this façade. Little did I realize how damaging this façade was for me.
I have begun to tear down this wall, and I can tell you its kind of like stepping out into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim. I have done quite a bit of floundering and dog peddling lately, just to get my footing. All these years, I thought my husband was the one with the problem. After all, hes the alcoholic. I am now learning how truly messed up I am (this was my denial). Im so thankful I have a life preserver (my HP), and compassionate and understanding friends through Al-Anon.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Mahalo ((((Cloudy)))) great share on awakening and awareness and follow thru. You have the tools for the deep side of the pool which doesn't say we have to always swim or tread water. Often times its most enjoyable to just lay back and float and splash. How big is the pool and can we jump in and practice? ((((hugs)))) lol
Good awareness and acceptance. The program is so very powerful so that we are finally able to let go of the destructive negative tools we developed and relied on. I could not see past my denial until alanon provided the constructive new tools to replace it .
Its so good to hear your awareness, its like waking up to the world as it is, getting rid of each pretence one at a time. You are well on your way, thanks for sharing.x
Thank you all. Yesterday I did a little floating and realized how much easier it is than the constant dog paddling. It's just taken me a long time to learn to float.
Best wishes to you all for a wonderful Sunday.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I love to swim in a warm water pool at the 10 foot end. I often feel as if I am floating in the womb of God. I swim in it using all sorts of different strokes, too. It doesn't matter to me how I look in my suit or how practiced my strokes are or how efficient my strokes might be. It only matters that I am allowing myself to let go of who I think I need to be in that womb of God. I choose to let the warm water hold me, rock me, soothe me and strengthen me until I'm ready to return to my life as it is, doing the best I can to take good care of me and the responsibilities that are mine.
There is beautiful prose in a book written by Jean Vanier (founder of Dayspring Communities for severely handicapped persons) that says that God knows we are all wounded and half blind and will never win the Olympics of humanity, but we can trust that we are loved in our brokenness...and by opening up in community, learning to forgive..., we will begin to trust God, ourselves and others, and we will know that we belong as we are and will grow. (edited and paraphrased)
Welcome to our family, cloudyskies. We are all wounded healers - each with our own story to tell - our times of running blind, treading water to save our lives and getting nowhere, seeing other swimmers and pointing out their defects without seeing our own, being true to an image of ourselves rather than being ourselves, and making halting progress at times. We will never reach perfection alone but together we will help each other grow in trust and the sense of belonging as a fellowship of equals and as Ram Das puts it: "Walk each other home."
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 6th of July 2014 07:20:21 AM
