The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been practicing the steps and going to on-line meetings and came to realize something that I was doing that I don't like. I play the role of the victim - didn't realize I was doing this until I started analyzing my behavior. I don't do it all the time but I do do it. I get the poor me, self-pity thing going on. I get the trapped and can't get out thinking. Yes I have lived with an Ah husband for 26 years and grew up in an alcoholic family and at times I really let this drag me down and get into the stinking thinking mode. And I hate to admit I wallow in it at times. But I realize through the help of Al-anon that I do have choices that I can make - and they can be hard ones. I realize that I can make small changes that will eventually turn into big steps. Starting the end of June I have given myself one year to gather strength and work on myself and see where I am at that time. During this time I am going to practice taking care of myself and do things that I enjoy and learn new things to better myself. And I'm going to keep a copy of this post for when I am feeling down and in a self-pity mood to remind myself of my goals lol. I do have my limitations, I have an auto-immune disease and arthritis in my hip that can get me down and tired. But that is where my self-care comes in I guess. This is something that I don't like to admit - a weakness. And it's hard to admit it. But it's honest. So maybe with the help of my Al-anon family they can give me a nudge (a gentle one preferred) when I get into this mode. And I just want to thank everyone here for all of their help and compassion. It does work.
The difference between a dream and a goal is a timeline and a plan....seems like you have your timeline and a very good plan....take it easy on you, progress NOT perfection! right?
I was surprised when I got this awareness, and I got it on the first ever meeting when a wise old timer said, no more pity partys. I got it right away, I felt so sorry for myself but was weirdly unaware until I began my journey into who I really am. I think thats the courage part In the serenity prayer. Having the courage to really look, for the first time, at who i am, who I have been and who im striving to be. I played the victim like a pro, the poor me was a strategy I used too, it seems to be common in people living with alcoholism so it has possibly been a useful tool at some point, im not sure. Im so glad to be free of it today, thamks to this recovery program. Thanks for sharing.x
I agree...you are a quick learner now!! Awesome share. Great idea. I was in al anon for about 10 months before I made the decision to leave my marriage. One day at a time. I have also been trying to focus more on me and different people in my life. I am making new friends. i also have an autoimmune disease..it isn't easy! We are here for you.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Sunday 6th of July 2014 12:26:02 AM
Thanks everyone. It's going to be a struggle not to pull out that victim card - like El-cee said maybe it's a strategy for me to get what I wanted or needed. I agee with that. But I don't want to move forward in life because someone sees me as a victim. I want to move forward under my own power and with the help of Al-anon.
Your awareness and plan is inspiring. Thank you!