Can't get it off my mind - Al-Anon Family Group

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Can't get it off my mind

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I must have missed something, last i remember, you had asked him to leave your home. I'm not picking on you, I just don't understand. You seem like you have done a complete re-set, suddenly he is in charge of your emotions and everything is about him again.
I sort of understand that, i have brave moments and then ABF dominates everything again but, where is your toolbox? Where is your al-anon? What has happened to your bravery?
Why is everything about him and what he thinks again?
Lookingup, I'm really trying to understand but I don't. I don't have an issue with you taking him back, trying again, that's your own choice. Gosh I havent even managed to get out from under the same roof as mine yet! But why are you not thinking of yourself at all now? What happened to throw you back into this place of anguish?

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You were betrayed, probably many times more than your conscious mind is aware of....why do you believe you need to be able to talk to him about it? Doing so is inviting more pain and hurt. It sounds like there is obsessive thinking happening with you...this is similar to the alcoholic white knuckling sobriety, wanting to take that drink, thinking about that drink. You can take the right action to help you with this, what do you believe that might be? Of course, he is being nice, this is part of the sick dance. Take good care of you, let go of the thoughts that are keeping you in prison and that will happen if you use the tools of recovery, not addiction. (((hugs)))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

It appears that you want to continue to be in relationship to this man regardless of what he has shown you about himself? If what appears to me is true for you, I'm not really sure how to support you in ways that will work for you? Our program among other things is meant to guide us towards living a life that is serene because we are at peace with ourselves. I just can't fathom you being at peace with yourself in the future if you want to continue this relationship on a romantic level with this person because you aren't at peace with yourself now. I had to get away from all things that were harmful to me and that included my x in order to grow and to thrive. I have no experience to share when it comes to making a choice to stay with a bf who was harmful to me. The only thing that kept me with my x for 8 years was first the vow I made that I misunderstood and then our children. So, I just want to acknowledge that you are in pain in your desire to stay in relationship to this person and do hope that one day you will experience peace and joy, sister.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 5th of July 2014 09:20:46 AM

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I know that feeling well Lookingup.

I found that the best thing for me was to get my mind onto other things by spending time with people, especially children, doing puzzles, anything that I enjoy.

I also needed to boost my self esteem so I started a creative writing course - it needed discipline and the creativity of it helped to sooth my mind. What would it take for you (without involving the boyfriend if possible)? Also meditation tapes helped to calm my racing thoughts as well. When I stop thinking too much I find that it is much easier to get a sense of what I need to do.

At the moment your boyfriend is getting all of your attention.
I hope you don't mind my saying this but, personally, I think that he should be sent to the naughty step, while you get your confidence back

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.