Medicare goofed, my meds were not ready due to expired card. NO it wasn't but I had to clean up the mess...its ok now.

I keep thinking about my xah. making me nuts. My son has not gone to check on him yet. But in reality, I want to see him. I have checked on him since I was 17. this is the longest I have ever gone.

It is becuz the boy/man I loved is no longer in that body. I need a reminder of that again. Lots is becuz I am going thru some loneliness but it will pass.

Actually feel very serene though. My dogs are such a joy to me. As is summer and flowers....Its surely not having my meds, sooo hope I can get them today.

It has hit me, as it often does, how so many people are so unhappy living with an A or having someone they love who is acting out their A ness. I am so sad for them. My living without him has been such a mellow, sweet, calm life even when the well pump goes kafunky!

I think my AH going nuts was worse than when I lost my first A husband to death. I was so dang happy with the xah. so happy.Even when he relapsed and at the end when I was blessed to use my al anon skills to live with him longer, I was so happy. I love this person. I loved everything about him. He was far from perfect, but he was beautiful to me.

ugh. well Julys are tough for me I have to tell you. my handsome southern boy first husband died July 24th, 1981. 33 years ago and a billion tears.Isn't it funny how at times it still tears me apart? You hear how some people die who's spouse dies. I came close so many times. Sometimes i still have to ask hp to hold onto me tight.

I gotta say after so many losses, whole family, for me it is still painful. i find myself saying more life, just how it is. can't change it. have mentioned i know how my gma felt as she was 106 when she passed. she had enough of accepting and going on. she had outlived  five of her kids and husband!

Its sorta a feeling of sitting still and going inside yourself. just how it is another freaking learning experience. then time goes on, pig is rubbing her face on your leg for love, tiny dogs licking your face and sleeping under the covers, huge dogs squished on your bed too. Horse looking gorgeous running across the pasture running to me to wrap her head around me for a hug,  pet farm pig so muddy and wants to love on you, and does, tortoise coming when he is called, chickens coming in dog door to lay eggs in the glove basket....ducks laughing and teasing the dogs thru the screen.lol Muscovy ducks are a hoot.

Plus knowing you have friends who love  you, a great son, neighbors who are always there, who you get to share eggs with, everyone waves in the country as they drive by, a home that is sorta funky yet on one of the most beautiful plots of property on earth.

and mostly, most appreciated,HP who gives me miracles every single day, who I KNOW is going to heal this world very, very soon!

so thru it all, I am so grateful and very, very rich, when some I wish I could help, don't even have a box to live in. I am grateful beyond words, that very soon things are going to be very, very different, and there will be no sickness or outcry or pain and death will be no more. MY belief I own it. Just things I am grateful for.

I want you all to have a piece of serenity today!!! Love!

well I like sharing and seeing pics! maybe one of you do too! the two little gals I found lost at walmart. My two new daughters! I got them to walla walla where they found jobs and are going to live there! I am blessed! the blond guy is my first husband I lost 33 years ago that I will see again! um the chi's are new, rescued after 2 mon in jail.their previous person went to prison so sad. they are such nice kids and were very loved. the little brown dog is Peppy who was rescued after many months in jail. chi's are Maddie and Saberz brother and sis. cats are orange lovey grey sam. augie and Prudie on their couch. chicken in glove basket on top of my coat closet! lol

-- Edited by Debilyn on Friday 4th of July 2014 01:37:08 PM

-- Edited by Debilyn on Friday 4th of July 2014 01:40:43 PM