Disease - Al-Anon Family Group

blessed · Senior Member

Disease

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Blessed I do hear you and appreciate your processing your thoughts and reasoning on this topic .

Alanon has taught me to Keep an open mind, become teachable, stop blaming and have FAITH that in all cases God is in charge.

I would like to add, that my husband, the alcoholic, was in recovery in AA for 6 years ,when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He elected not to have treatment and since it was is choice/his life I supported it. Up the end he refused pain meds because in his mind he wanted to die "sober".

There is a Sticky, posted by John which discusses this topic at length.

STICKY: Why Alcoholism is "categorized/listed" as a disease by AMA (explained)
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Here is the link
alanon.activeboard.com/t42428736/why-alcoholism-is-categorizedlisted-as-a-disease-by-ama-expl/

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grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Blessed: Even if he had cancer, he would get to choose whether or not he sought or utilized various forms of treatment - several that could kill him before the cancer killed him. That decision would be between him, his HP and any doctor he chose who might be available to him. Alcoholism is a shame-based disease that leads to guilt, blame, accusations - none of these actions or attitudes helpful to growth in my experience. There are root causes that need to be addressed and can only be addressed by the person with the issues when and if they ever see the damage alcohol is doing to them.

I've learned that the more I insist on my loved one doing what I think is best or right for him, the more he will go the other way. Mother Teresa was quoted as saying folks being in prison or suffering with alcoholism are praying for the rest of us with their very lives. Only God knows the heart and the mind of another person and what is best for that person in my experience. None of us really know what another person has gone through or will go through. St Augustine was such a mess up, his mother asked God to take him if he wasn't going to get any better than he was. Then, he had a conversion experience at about age 40 and became one of the doctors of the church who coined original sin and is still held in high esteem by the Christian Church hundreds of years after he died.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 4th of July 2014 07:39:10 AM

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Good topic, I struggled with accepting alcoholism was a disease. I thought it let them off the hook, they didnt need to take responsibility for their own choices, I thought my ex was just plain bad who didnt care about his family. I never even knew alcoholism was an addiction so I understand where you are coming from.

Its not good for me to think of other human beings as evil or bad or even sinners, I have learned that we are all made up of good and bad, were all human, none of us are perfect. The disease part for me is easy to see when I think of the fact that I can drink and I dont feel the need to keep on and on, my ex couldnt stop. Thats the disease part, it is a thinking disease, its about the mind, the thoughts have been described as defective or distorted or disturbed leading to seeking an escape from the thinking.

When I accepted alcoholism as being a disease, I was able to feel compassion for the first time, then eventually forgiveness. This gave me freedom from my own disturbed thoughts that were filled with anger, blame, resentment.

I dont think it can be compared with other diseases like cancer, well not completely. Cancer is in a way, a socially accepted disease, well resourced, In my country anyway, people with cancer can access support with little shame or denial involved, well not to the same extent. Families who have cancer victims are also shown compassion and support in many levels. Alcoholism has shame, denial, embarrassment, hostility attached to it. Alcoholics are more likely to end up in prison than getting healthcare and support the way a cancer patient would. It is easier to accept and understand.

Your husbands blame of you for his disease is his choice, you dont have to validate it by arguing or explaining yourself. You can set a boundary and say, if you continue to blame me I will leave the room, I am not accepting this blame. Walking away wills how him that you wont enable him by entering into that kind of nonsense. Thanks for the topic, very interesting.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I can easily accept it as a mental disease that I can neither see, hear, touch or feel .. it is very real to the person who has to deal with it. There are physical consequences that go with it where the body/mind craves what it needs after the initial need to abuse occurs. There is a great book called Under the Influence .. I can't remember the author .. it's got all of the techno stuff in terms of what alcohol/drugs do to the mind and how it affects the body as well.

I still go back to mental disease because of the issues with my STBAX I have dealt with.

Thanks for the topic :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok however, cancer, diabetes, ms whatever all have their own set of symptoms, not alike in each other at all.

Addiction cannot be taken to the doctor, or forced to go to rehab. A symptom of this disease is the inability of the inflicted person to be able to decided to quit just becuz they want to! They can kill a 100 kids drunk driving and still not be able to quit the drug.

The addicts physical, mental, emotional and spiritual body must come to a place where it will do anything to go into recovery. EVen with that over 99% relapse.

they are allergic to Alcohol if that is the drug their body craves. Many allergies the person is drawn to it.

It is in their dna to be predisposed to be an addict.

It cannot be treated until this person is totally at a place of readiness.

I researched it for years, took many classes on it in college. Really was into my AH since I was 17. NO it is not an excuse at all, it is a fact.

Also we must remember they still have their individual personalities and characteristics that come to play. my first AH was a love! funny, fun, very popular, would help anyone, adored me and the kids. He was NEVER mean or anything never. Why he put up with me...

Second ah was horribly abused as a child and adult, was a good person yet his addict person is very evil, mean, no love.

I am no where near being an A. So I had to really immerse myself to "get it." My ex AH was so wonderful to open up to me completely as to his experience of being an addict. So very sad. I am as close as a non A can be to understanding what it is like for them, yet I never really will. I learned they are sooo different than a non A. they don't think like us one bit. Neither we them.

All I know is I was attracted to them my whole life. NO kidding. I am still! There are many very cool things about A's!!! I mean this.

Anyway I hope this opens your mind and heart up some to understanding.

When kids are involved we can easily hate them, be bitter towards them. So I sure relate to you there too!

As far as a bad decision, Blessed they could have been 11 years old and been given pain med and that predisposition dna would have clicked in starting their path to living a full blown addiction. Same with my family with diabetes. If we were into sugary things and way over did, bingo full blown diabetes which came true for many of us. I am hypoglycemic as my cousin is too.

As far as the Bible goes, a sin is one that someone practices knowing it is wrong. Continues to practice it ignoring the creators rules. BUT a person who is A is like a person who goes into a diabetic rage and gets into a car. Being driven by a disease is not a sin. So being a drunkard is not a person with a disease. It is aperson who chooses to get drunk even though they know it is wrong. Not an A who is craving it and who's body at some point has to have it or they will die.

well I am soooo glad you are here! You my dear are progressing by leaps and bounds. Again too my beliefs, I own them, not pushing them on anyone. I know we share many of the same beliefs. keep coming, you stimulate my mind!!! (c:

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I really believe that in focusing on the alcoholic I miss keeping the focus on myself. I also forget that the Bible tells me to "Judge not least I be Judged" and "Let He that is without sin should cast the first stone."

Alanon's priciples and philosphy work, so I will use them to search out my own distorted thinking,( why I say what I say and do what I do (without blaming the alcoholic) and have compassion and undersanding for all the people who are suffering in the world

blessed · Senior Member

Thank you for sharing your hearts, and personal experiences, and knowlege. I really appreciate you.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.