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My A has told me that on this date, this, that and the other is going to happen including, "I will buy you out and then you need to leave.", and it woudl be best if we just "did this ourselves instead of involing expensive attorneys." What that says to me is, "just trust me, even though you have zero reason to trust me & I am looking out for me, not you."
So, I met with "the best atty in town" and found out what the law says, not the Internet (google) or others that had cases. .
1. He can't buy me out without me selling to him. (Refinancing house into his name only).
2. He can't kick me out, without serious penalty.
3. He will get paid alimony. (never very common anymore; but it still goes here in Virginia).
4. We have no legal ground for divorce, according to the law in this state, or the bible (alcoholism or even heroin addiction are not grounds for divorce), but if he leaves, that is dessertion. I can't tell him to leave or get out; he must leave by his own will, then it is desertion and the house is secure by court order where he cannot come/go as he pleases.
There has to be a 6-month separation (1 year if you have minor children) before a divorce is legally granted.
What I found out is that he has a lot more to lose than I do. So, I am not going anywhere. At least not today. I will not makes plans for tomorrow, but will let each day take care of itself.
I am glad I did this instead of fretting about, "what if?" or allowing him to talk me into doing our own agreement. Just that, at face value, is ridiculous as we don't even talk; and we are going to sit down and rationally divide up assets. lol! Not likely.
I feel more empowered and confident. And if this has to go to court I have the best atty. there is in this area. Just yesterday I was considering moving out for 6 months but that would be stupid the way the law is written. I am so glad I know the facts now and not just relying on hearsay and google searches.
Now, there is just the day-to-day of living with this passive agrressive liar. But, I can do this. Me and my HP can do this. Greater is He Who is in me than he that is in the world. I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthens me.
With God and the best atty, what could possibly go wrong? lol! I have to find humor in the day-to-day or I would go bonkers.
Doing the foot work first is EXTREMELY important .. I would talk to other people who have used that particular atty and figure out if it's a good fit. I have actually wound up with 3 attys possibly 4 .. none of it because of ME personally .. lol .. it has been a fluke. What I have learned is I would have never taken the first atty if I knew what I know now anyway, .. talk to more than one atty.
There are 3 types of atty's .. there is the shark who will tell you anything you want to hear in order to get your retainer after they have your retainer they will just use it up and then some and never deliver. There is the snake who will take your money and do very dubious things, basically bill and delay the case .. then there is the fox .. the fox is the one who is going to take your money .. however they are invested in you .. they want what is best for you as their client and they do what they need to do without charging you an arm and a leg .. they will take your money .. lol .. don't get me wrong .. find a fox .. that is the best advice I received and I now know what a fox looks like.
Plus it doesn't matter what your atty tells you or thinks, what his atty says or thinks, or what you or your stbax tells you or thinks .. it ONLY matters what the Judge thinks and that is who you want to focus on .. not the other crap.
Those are my words of wisdom and I've been doing this now for 2 years, I have had a shark and he has a snake .. I have seen the fox and hoping that is what God has in store for me regardless if I keep this atty or wind up with someone else at the firm.
Big hugs and I'm glad you feel better and know what your rights are .. usually the hardest thing to get rid of is an active alcoholic .. they have ways of continuing to come back .. I said to his atty .. can we please find a way NOT to keep coming back .. this was at the OP stuff that I represented myself on .. LOL
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
A very good friend of mine referred me to him; she is using him right now in her own divorce. He is an authentic Christian, as am I, so that was important.
And you are right about the Judge. He told me about the currnet judge in my jurisdiction. He is "stingy" in his words and said that my $850 alimony would probably me more like $200 & not for long. Yikes! I have been at home for several years while the A worked so that plays into it a bit as I what I gave up in salary, advancements, skills to promote his career, but it cost $ to argue this stuff out in the court room as it takes expert witnesses, etc. and still falls on the decision of a judge that has already decided before you get there.
There is a new man coming into the picture, that is young and "moldable" so if he comes on board it could be better.
I am not at a point that I plan to proceed, but it is good to know the politics behind the system here in this area and how the law plays out in these venues.
In my past divorce, I think I met all those types of attorneys you described. lol! Oh, the stories I could tell.
((Blessed)) I just want to support what the other's said. I'm glad you have a good reference, understand the facts, and have acceptance. "Stinginess" has gained popularity, so, you're not alone. Keep your eyes focused on your goals.
His suggesting you draw up your own contract to save money would give many more opportunities for his disease to try and engage with you; if you do go this route, bring the agreement to be signed with both yours and his attorney present- there are ways that the attorneys will document the event that will protect you and the agreement.
Good job protecting yourself and taking good care of you!
Hello Blessed, I question the "no legal grounds for divorce" - many states, including Virginia, are no-fault divorce states.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
My State is a no fault divorce state and there didn't need to be alimony or any grounds for divorce, it was really too simple. I'm glad you are doing your research and maybe ask another attorney the same questions just to get a second opinion on what you found out. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
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