The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So the ex-A returned and tried to push the boundaries of the court order. I stuck to my boundary and said no. It actually got returned with an "ok".
I will see how the exchanges go this week.
I did catch him in a lie however I just chose to document it in my journal.
I have come to a great realization. He has tried to convince me that I am jealous and that is why I say no.
I have been trained. Trained to second guess myself and my feelings.
I thought ....really.... Why would I be jealous of an abusive, serial cheater that struggles with addiction?
I know that sounds weird but I honestly had to think it through.
Thanks Grateful. It is so strange to sit down and think this is not my feeling (jealousy)... Why are you trying to make me carry your load?
I think today after I said no I realized that was not my feeling at all. Yet I took it on for some reason. Just another learning lesson about the importance of understanding my own boundaries.
Love the sound of that, too. Your question about being jealous sure led to a freeing conclusion for you. I never was jealous of my x's gfs or second wife either. I was secure in the knowledge that I was done unless he changed in some pretty dramatic ways which he didn't. That was sad to me.
((Truth)) It's not lost, just a little rusty- with some practice, you second guessing will start to fade. A good sign is when you can recognize what you feel inside and it feel like serenity. Active A's are very well rehearsed in having others carry their load- because if we carry it for them, then they won't have to be responsible. I'm grateful for your share.
Thank You Truth for this thread. It is a rerun of what it was like when I first found the rooms of Al-Anon. The listening and learning and the practice of the new lessons that the fellowship gave to me and then the consequences which were what I needed. Patience and practice. "No" is truthfully a complete sentence and as Bud knows and tells it "second guessing will start to fate...and you won't use it again. I like all of Bud's response because it is experienced, knowledgeable and the "Truth". ((((hugs))))
Your strength is coming through in your posts. My sponsor used to remind me that I did not need to pick up other peoples garbage just because they wanted me to. (((Truth)))
