WOW,  i wold LOVE an alanoner working a good program,  but ya know??? maybe he is still getting on his feet, finding himself and maybe he doesn't feel he is ready yet......I would just keep it friendly and work my program and let the chips fall where it may ....u have been in for 2 years, him several  right???  seems to me he isn't ready yet to do anything but his program...

i know for me, its been 12 years and i didn't want ANY thing to do w/anyone of op. sex for a few years.....the stuff i had to work through was that intense...i just didn't feel it was fair to involve another alanon in my baggage until i had dumped some of it....now?? yea, I could do it, but several years into recovery it took for me to get at that level...

he sounds really serious about his program   and, he may not be into anyone yet....maybe he just wants a friendship/fellow recovery friend and if that is the case, you can't change it.......

if it is right, yea, it can work out....my first sponsor met another alanon in his face to face meeting and they are married now....the way they handled it was go to different face to face meets.....that was when we had some decent meets in dallas area......dunno what they do now re: their recovery, but yea, they met at a face to face...made friends....kept it cool and let the relationship grow on its own...i remember his telling me about it....no names mentioned, but yea, he met this great lady but they took it real slow and easy.......boundaries had to be set about their being together but still working their own program....i last heard that they are doing good together......

Hi Diane, 

First, just a suggestion... edit your profile and change your user name so it does not reflect your full name, maybe to something simple like DianeC would work.  Just saying...

As for relationships with others in the program... well, my experience is all I can speak from and I believe they can and do work if the program stays in the forefront of your daily lives.  When the relationship starts to come before it, both end up getting in a mess.

John

I want to thank you all for your responses.  I was reluctant to try this forum at first but let me say, I am grateful to have done it.  To wake up this morning and see emails from absolute strangers, sharing their experiences & perspectives is a true testament to how this program works.  I couldn't bring this question to my regular meetings, for obvious reasons, so I appreciate you taking the time and sharing honestly.

Firstly, I should explain that "Diane Chambers" is a character from the old sitcom "Cheers". I happened to be watching it at 2am when I decided to try the board.  I appreciate the anonymity of our program and how my username might be misleading so I tried to change it - with no success.  So I've just posted the "Cheers" image in the hopes that might clarify for most.

Back to the topic... my big takeaway from your responses is this... no matter what, program first.  And if it happens, it happens.  Which gives me reassurance because then it can happen, it has happened, and it might happen for me.  So long as I prioritize the program, I should be ok.  I feel good with where I am.  A huge part of my recovery has been sitting with the discomfort.  Perhaps I need to sit on this one a little longer.

Thank you, friends.