Making a moral inventory is hard. - Al-Anon Family Group

slowlearner · Veteran Member

Making a moral inventory is hard.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Slowlearner: I hope you are going to do Step 4 with a sponsor?

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

Take it slow, slow, slow.

How about a moral inventory about all the things you like about yourself first? How about a moral inventory about your skills? or your hobbies that you are good at?

Right away we go to the dark side...... all the bad stuff. Work up to it. Slowly!

Who do you want to be? What do you have to change to get that way?

Remember the layers of the onion. This moral inventory won't be the first one because when you get done you will discover other things about yourself... and then you will do an inventory about that and discover more about yourself..... and then you will do an inventory about that...... and on and on.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My esh is I read and did lots of work with self help books and workbooks. The ones that ask you questions were the good ones for me.

that is how I came to know me, also by lots of classes in college. Was going for my msw, then changed to premed.

anyhoo I believe you will find much good about you. It is not only the tough stuff but the good stuff we look for in our moral inventory! hugs!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Morning slowlearner
I said the exact same words many years ago and all the wise people in alanon spoke encouraging words to me just as they have to you The steps are written in order so that by the time we arrive at Step 4 we have accepted the love, support and wisdom of a Higher Power and know that deep within, under layers of negative rubble is our true selves.

I found this "Self" filled with all the positive enriching assets available to human beings. As the result of living with the disease of alcoholism, I like many covered up these lovely assets, with negative stuff such as anger, resentment, self pity and fear. The purpose of this inventory is to release the negative destructive stuff that hurt us, hold us back and set ourselves free.to enjoy life.

Once I saw and accepted, who I WAS,the positive and negative sides, I became comfortable in my own skin for the first time . I saw that I was human, like everyone else. Alanon had great tools to help me remove the negative destructive shortcomings and build my new constructive responses on the beautiful assets that I contained.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You may find all of those things, however the beauty of doing the inventory is you get to see ALL of you...and you will find more about you that is beautiful and magnificent. It is critical, however, that you do your inventory with a sponsor, who can show you what it is like to be loved despite your defects and will celebrate your pearls. We cannot really see sometimes those deepest parts of us, until we seek the wide counsel of a sponsor or another person in recovery. Celebrate this journey!!!

karma13 · Senior Member

I just want to add it doesn't have to be done perfectly. The first time I did it, I did my best, but I left a lot out. I came back and did it again. Currently I'm doing another fourth step just on my relationships. I'm gentle with myself, working fifteen to thirty minutes a day when I feel up to it. We work the steps again and again, do your best and that's good enough. Much love ;)

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

What I had to remember about doing a step 4 was that I was going to do it again sometime in the future with my sponsor. Like Karma said, you don't have to do it perfectly. Also, when I started inventorying my defects of character, I made a note of my good quality traits too. It helped me stay balanced and not get too caught up in what a bad person I was. Yes, I was all those negative things, but since we are human, there's a lot of good in there, too. Don't forget about who you are at your core, love yourself for being an imperfect person who is now going to come into their own and who will be able to see and address the negative while also appreciating the good qualities, as well.

Once I finished working steps 4-6, I truly was able to feel a weight lifted and I hope that you look forward to that in your future, as well. It won't always be such a downer to have our defects out there in our face as we write them down. One day, you will be grateful for the reminder that you are a WHOLE and COMPLETE person and that you are working towards being even better than you were before! HUGS!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Ive recently done step 4 and it was hard. It took me a while to write it, if you look for a defect then an asset and do it in this order it is easier and stops you feeling too uncomfortable. For me it was good writing it all out, it gave me a better understanding of myself. Ive not listed them all and I suppose its an ongoing thing, were never perfect. I think the last thing you will find is an empty shell, it just takes some courage and honesty, ask your hp to help you with it.x

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.