The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I fooled myself for many years. I thought my spouse cared about me so much that she would get healthy and learn to control her addictions. NOT SO! Not even close. The addictions are her priority and let me learn this please. I cannot compete with them. Alcohol, food, and gambling, are so much more important to her than her spouse. I see how we are not compatible. I do not drink, take drugs, or gamble. I like long walks and talks with people. It is my own sickness that allowed me to think we were a good match. I told her this morning that in almost 23 yrs, our marriage is worse. There has been no growth over time, just damage. Thank God I found alanon. I can't imagine what would have happened to me without help. Thank you all, Lyne
Great awareness about the disease untreated and the toll it can take. Keep taking care of you and digging into your al-anon recovery. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you Lyne for your honesty. I did find that I had to stop taking the disease personally and know that NO ONE has power over this disease except HP and the affected person. Their thinking is distorted by attempting to cover up for the disease and our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.
I too am glad you found alanon and developed healthy coping tools I use to carry a QTIP around with me to remind myself that even if it had my name on it--- I had to quit taking it personally.:)
Great esh above :) One of the gifts of the program is learning that others behavior isn't about me, it's about them, The three Cs I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. Just today one of my A relatives called me a derogatory name in a public forum, it stung for four seconds, and then I remembered this is her stuff and this is the disease talking. When I first came in to the program, I would have taken that so personally, now I'm choosing to let go and let god. Bless her change me. I have to keep the focus on myself, my serenity, and my recovery. I can have serenity if the alcoholics are still drinking or not. My thoughts and prayers are with you :)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
you sound so healthy and strong. It is our disease that convinces us to remain even if the match isn't good. I have thought about how it would be if I met my ex now-- is this someone I would have a second date with??
I understand lyne, when I woke up I felt angry about this, I felt like I had been fooled all those years. Then acceptance came in an that allowed me to look for what it was or is about me that made me live this way. We are not stupid people, we are people who have lived in denial because it suited us in some way. When I looked at myself honestly I can see what I gained and it was all based around fear. I like what someone shared recently, we get the same as ourselves when it comes to relationships. If we are unhealthy then thats what we seek and attract.x
Great share. In al anon my eyes have become wide open. I am no longer in denial about alcoholism and what it is. It destroys people. It destroys marriages and families. I have no power over any of it. I can only control how I react to it. Al anon and my HP and sponsor gave me the strength to leave my AH. It's not perfect now, but I can sleep better and there is a lot less chaos and worry.
Lyne - It's not that the addictions are more important than you. That is like comparing apples and oranges. An addicted person is not capable of giving priority to relationships and loving freely the way that most of us ideally want. It's sad but they generally have lost a great deal of their ability to choose what is important and addiction(s) are in control.
Great awareness about the disease untreated and the toll it can take. Keep taking care of you and digging into your al-anon recovery. Sending you love and support on your journey!
I agree with everyone, but this little gem from breaking re: the "toll it can take" it not only impacts the addict, but those of us on the bleachers, watching...powerless to stop it....powerless b/c it is the addict that has to belly up and accept adn reach out for help....i, too, send you support , alanon is the place where you will be able to find you and your life...with our w/out her.....if she doesn't get into help, not much really to hope for except more of this.....i would work my program and if you are new, wait till you have had a few months recovery, yourself, b4 you decide anything major....unless you feel in danger......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
