Although retirement is about 13 days away (yes, I'm counting), I've already begun recreating my life.  I signed up for two day a week walks with others my age and two warm water pool classes two nights a week starting next week.  Today, I asked one of my current board members who did begin as a program volunteer with me many years ago if he would pick me up Thursday and drive me to the attorney's office with the necessary dissolution papers.  After that, would he have the time and be willing to drive me through the neighborhood where I've worked for so many years.  I'm usually driving, so I can't see a lot I'd like to see.  My final request of him was to drive me home on my last day at the organization when I turn in my keys to the van that has held the bodies, laughter, secrets and songs of adults and children as I drove them to and from activities, programs, outings, hospitals, schools, jails, shelters, doctors' appointments, foster care or adoption surrenders.

I am the kind of person who can ask others to share their time, talent and resources with the folks we have worked among.  I seldom ask for anything personally for me.  I wasn't sure how he'd respond.  At first, he wanted to bring his children with us. I was honest.  I am a private person to a large degree and I didn't think it would work for me or for his young children to be doing this together.  I also told him that I could adjust what I wanted and needed to do for me to include his children but I would prefer not to do it.  He chose to ask his in-laws to watch the children on our trip to the attorney's office and then a ride around the neighborhood together.  He also chose to make time in his busy schedule to drive me home from what was one of my "children" to my new life that will contain much less responsibility and more freedom from stress for me.

I am not sure that without Al-Anon I could have asked for exactly what I needed from this young man who worked side by side with me as a college student and now is a pilot with a happy family and a busy schedule of his own.  I also don't think I could have been truly honest about what I really wanted and needed even when he thought the children would be no problem on our ride.  I knew they wouldn't be a problem and I also knew that this is a time of closure for me and a time of dying that only has room for intimacy on the hardest days with a few people who have shared this work with me on a hands on basis.

I have learned that Al-anon is not only for those of us who are living with an active A or working through the effects of living with an active A.  It is also for those of us who must make transitions in ways that are healthy, genuine and open.  I know that I have shared a lot about myself lately.  That is also something I once didn't do.  I was a very good listener and a very good responder to most people, but I could also hide myself from view when I didn't share myself.  Saying goodbye to my Dad, goodbye to my life's work, and goodbye to dreams I have had for my children and me hasn't been easy and has happened pretty much all at the same time.  

Instead of being depressed, terribly sad, and very unhappy, Al-Anon, MIP, my sponsor and my fellowship have helped me make it through these times.  I am looking ahead with hope and enthusiasm for the new life I am creating.

Thanks. 

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 17th of June 2014 07:34:51 PM