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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He wants a little bit of credit cause we had a nice day.
Post Info TOPIC: He wants a little bit of credit cause we had a nice day.
sadsusie


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He wants a little bit of credit cause we had a nice day.
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Lets forget for the moment that I had decided to move out. That no matter how hard I try, I DO love him. 

I am noticing (he is certainly pointing it out) that I am a negative nelly I do frequently point out the negatives. I will turn a positive conversation into a negative conversation. I am harping on him, and I am in a sad state of mind. I am stuck in depressed mode because I am still "waiting" for him to quit drinking. So much for me working my program. I can tell that when he wants to be happy, he can shut me out pretty easy. 

Perhaps I am just mad at myself. Mad that I can't commit to leaving.? I am NOT afraid of leaving like I might have been years ago. I just still love him. Grrr. I feel myself being pulled in so many directions. I suppose that in a weird way if I am NOT sad about him drinking constantly, it is like I am saying its okay. Why can't I just get my head out of it? 

Yesterday I woke up feeling like something was in my eye. I talked myself out of going to the DR. So after a pretty uncomfortable evening, I got in to see an eye dr. today. Well I could barely keep my eye open in the first place cause of the pain and sensitivity to light. So he (finally) showered and took me and even went into the appointment with me. luckily I didnt tear my cornea or anything serious. I just had an extra contact still in my eye. So we then ran to get my prescription (and beer), ran another quick errand. Needless to say I was waiting anxiously waiting for him to drink the beer in the car, which he did. But That is on me. 

I have been moping around the house, being irritable even though He has been in a great mood. He played some music and danced around bit (for fun and maybe bit to cheer me up). He remind me of other times when we and all our family  would all jump up and dance. I am just left feeling stuck being negative. And a bit resentful. He asked me to just give him a little credit for having a better day. I can't even do that. 

And I know that I am doing it all to myself. I expect one thing (no drinking), that isn't up to me (cause I can't control it), and them I am resentful when it doesn't happen. And then I am sad because I am resentful.  yuck. maybe if I just let it go and enjoy the moment, I could start being happier. I don't want to run away. 

Thanks for listening my beautiful friends. 

 



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Many Blessings,

"Sweet Susie"

 BEFORE-YOU-JUDGE-ME.jpgim in charge and I'm happypeople bring you down, you are above themresponsibilty for your energy
Beatrice


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Sadsusie,

You know the saying, if nothing changes, nothing changes, well those changes apply to us. I'm going to be straight, your program is the A program.

All your energy and focus is on him or beating yourself up for being negative.

Do you go to regular Alanon meetings? Do you try and read everyday some kind of Alanon literature. Alanon is for you and I know you know this, but
what I'm reading is too much dependency on the A. Nobody including the A makes our day better. We own the day, each individual.

You said it best "You are waiting around for the A to get sober". That may or may not happen. Don't waste your energy , put it to good use, on yourself.

Keep coming back.

Hugs, Bettina

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Susie maybe you still want to stay to glean some more precious time? I kept allowing A back until he became too dangerous to live here.

I treasure those last memories. Using the things I have learned I was happy most the time. I knew it was a short time as he was so wet brained, pickled.

I don't quite get how him drinking in the care was on you? That sounded well made me feel uncomfy for you.

Geez lady maybe we need to take care of ourselves a bit quicker eh? hugs!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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KennyFenderjazz


~*Service Worker*~

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I read somewhere on here that resentment is the codependent's hangover. I guard my serenity as much as possible, without that resentment creeps in.

Kenny

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Newlife girl


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My AH always says I am negative. That's because usually an A cannot look at themselves and what they have done to others, it's all about them, so they point the finger back at us. You say you still love him...but is love enough?? I still love parts of my AH, but his behavior was squashing my love for him. The anxiety and depression I had when living with him was too much for me to take, so I moved out. I have more peace now. Less worry. Sure, I am upset about our failing marriage, but I know my HP is with me every step of the way.

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Living life one step at a time
maryjane


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Suzie, I so much know how you feel. I was that way for years, even with Alanon. I was so afraid that if I dove into the program I would have no choice but to leave.... and I didn't want to leave. I finally got really tired of being depressed.... and that is what you are too. Depressed. I had to NOT spend time with the hubby. I had to find new friends at my meetings or places where I volunteered or worked. I had to talk to new people.

I found out I could come home happy and stay happy no matter what he was doing. I was independent in my own life.

I know how important this is because I just came home from a vacation with the hubby (who is now without alcohol for 14 years) and I really missed my other friends. I even missed the walking the dog. We are the couple you see having a beautiful dinner in a restaurant who don't talk to each other very much. But I am using that time to think my happy thoughts and enjoy my food and I don't need him to have a good time. I have no idea what is going on in his mind because I really don't care.

I think it is sad that I don't care, but when I did care it drove ME crazy. No, it is not a normal couple, but we are not normal. Alcohol got in the way....

Take care of yourself.

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maryjane
milkwood


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So your partner thinks you are unhappy? Did he give you a hug and tell you its all going to be alright? Or did he want you to cheer up so that he could feel better? Just asking, because I've noticed that when I am happy my AH finds something to complain about and when I'm unhappy he is whistling, clicking his fingers and behaving like he has won the lottery. At the end of the day when and if I leave my husband it will be because of my feelings about him and my loss of hope that I will ever be able to feel safe journeying through life with him. We both deserve better than that.

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pinkchip


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Someone acts like an irresponsible dips##t for weeks and then has "a good day" and you are supposed to be all happy? Susie...relax. You are not happy in this marriage it sounds like. You can't fake happy to yourself very well.

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tiredtonite


Veteran Member

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I know today that my most important relationship needs to be the one I have with the god of my understanding. If I keep that in front of me as I interact with other people things go much better for me.  Unfortunately, I forget sometimes and when I do I can be downright awful.  I've also had to learn to separate the person from their alcoholism. If your husband put some music on and danced around a bit, can you accept him enjoying himself like you would anyone else?  If you believe he was doing that to cheer you up, can you accept what he can give you?  It sounds like your wanting this for yourself toward the end of your post.  Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone sober or not sober.  Enjoy the moment, hour, day.  If withholding from him feels like withholding from yourself, could it be a nudge from your higher power to give?     TT 



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He wants a little bit of credit cause we had a nice day.