Overwhemed and Grateful.  That's how I would best describe myself lately.  My life, like any one else's here has its up's and down's.  And it seems that the really big things don't bother me too much, but all the little things that I deal with on a frequent or fairly regular basis, do overwhelm me.  Collectively, the task in front of me looks so big.  Yet, when I can break it down to it's individual pieces, I get some relief and feel empowered to bring about the needed resources to accomplish the singular task at hand.  I often have to remind myself that I can't eat a whole elephant without taking a single bite at a time.  But if all I am going to do is sit here and look at a whole elephant, its not very appetizing or appealing to the taste buds.  So, I can revert back to a childhood behavior... and close my eyes as I did as a child when eating a piece of liver.  Something about it, looked so gross and not meant for human consumption that I would close my eyes and imagine it was something other than liver I was eating.  And I made it through the meal in front of me.  One bite at a time.

When I first entered Al-Anon, I had so many things to deal with, feelings, situations, financial struggles, decisions that I felt could not be put on hold any longer.  I was so overwhelmed with everything that I had been through and what lay in front of me.  A person who had been in Al-Anon for several years, and somewhat took me under their wing, would listen to me go on and on about all the problems in my life and after a few moments would say... "Now, that sounds like a lot on your plate, surely a lot of problem areas to be addressed, but out of all it, which ones are so pressing that they need to be addressed today, and what solution do you have to take it out of the problem department today?"  Then we would get down to the reality.  There was a lot I couldn't do anything about or needed to do anything about immediately, so my focus got narrowed down pretty quick.  Then on the things that I could work on, or do something about, my version of a solution, often didn't meet the test.  Was it actually ending the problem or bringing closure to it, or was it just another way to put it on hold to fester in the background and keep me distracted from working on the things I had truly viable solutions for?  So, that seems to have narrowed my focus down a bit more.  And little by little we got down to the meaning of the Serenity Prayer.."God, Grant me the Serenity, to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to Change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference".

Feelings? Oh gosh, I was flooded with them, and yet one wouldn't stick around long enough before changing to the next to be able to identify it, its source or its target.  So, this person had me write down in one word what each different feeling would be described with.  "Anger, grief, bitterness, insecurity, etc, etc."  What was discovered is that about 85% of the feelings I was going through was based in one.  FEAR.  So... we started working on some ideas of how to replace fear with FAITH.  And little by little, day by day, fear started to diminish, and faith stepped in.

Today I am a bit overwhelmed, but ever so grateful for those who took time out of their lives to help me bring things down to their right size, and take one bite at a time.  Today I know I don't need to bum rush my way through everything or anything I am confronted with between my ears.  And what my brain puts the most focus on, doesn't mean it's the most urgent thing needing to be addressed, or that the solution that the same brain is putting forth is actually a real solution at all.  Good sponsorship helps me weed through it and keep things simple.

I am a grateful person today.  With all my "stuff", I know that I can get through the day, work on a step or two, interact with others in the program, turn my will and my life over to the Care of God, and be there for someone else, who is overwhelmed because they are looking at a whole elephant and feel the way I did when I got here,  I can assure them that the task is not to eat the whole thing, but just one bite at a time.

John