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So ok...I go on a short break to kinda get away, break up my being a part of the drama that went through here like a brush fire and I do teh ole step 4 again
sponsor is with me, thank god she felt up to the task and also my sis who is ret. mental health counsellor.....anyway, i really got into the steps of aca - reparenting and my workbooks on step 4 and WOW..found a LOT of yea, good too, but defects as well.....worked em w/sponsor listening and she likes to let me figure stuff out and only jumps in when i appear stuck
i found out a lot about me and I am thinking during this "break" ya know?? i worked step 4..the beginning of the "own up steps" now how about the 'clean up steps" oh yea, made amends, yada yada and i did the list, but I left OUT step 7....
asking my HP as i understand it after i am readied myself to do this to REMOVE these shortcomings...
I always leave out step 7 b/c of my lack of faith..lack of trust in HP...like oh yea, i don't see my anxiety healed and i work my butt off..diet..exercise, breathing , working program, working to stay in present, ad nauseum and i still have anxiety.....
but i give it a shot b/c it is in the steps....i told creator i was ready to get rid of these faults or survival skills, ready as i can be...SINCERELY ready to have them removed....then for the first time, really, I ASKED.....I ASKED please adn i said please either heal this or help me work out of it, do what ya gotta do but HELP ME wih all this manure i have found and so sincerely want to get rid of.....
i have over looked this step so many times b/c and i know it is b/c of my lack of faith and my lack of trust....but dontcha know?? if i don't ask I won't receive....
cleaning my house, right now i thought about sharing this b/c I did ASK and i am wondering just how many folks 4get to ASK for help in removing the unwanted traits....
i guess if I see changes in me, I will get that light bulb moment where I can say "oh yea"....
thanks for letting me share
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I guess it is the same in the "human' realm too....ask and i just might receive....people arent' mind readers...HP is but maybe HP wants me to acknowledg by asking.....just thinking
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Good share Neshema I use the slogan: I cannot, He can,I think I will let him. It really is a process and one day I looked up and I ws responding differently. What a gift .
Oh I get this one, im on this step. Asking loud and clear sounds really good. There was a reading that suggested asking for whatever defect was stopping me from being a channel of god. I liked that and I try to think about that. Trying to hand it over each day which is back in step 3 really. I want to be a channel of god, that sounds great to me. So kind of thinking well what would my higher power want me to do or say, what defect is stopping me, well take that one today please. I wonder if old timers do this really quickly in their heads through years of practice.x
What really goes through my head quickly is mostly Step 3 and Step 11 each day. I loved the reading you talked about last week, el cee, on HFT's page 170. I mostly read the other two, so this was really new to me. I've been trying to integrate that suggestion consciously on a daily basis - I really liked that. And - I notice I am becoming more direct with what I'm thinking and feeling on a daily basis, too. Rose! I just love the progress you are making here. I can remember some of your shares from when I first met you on the board and where you were in relationship to an HP! Your progress has not been an easy thing for you and you have stuck with it, day by day. Wow! You are one persistent Al-Anon-er and I love being a witness to you and your share today.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation...praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. I abbreviate it pretty much to God, what is your will for me today? Please give me the energy I need to carry it out - or something on that order. Step 1 to me is the awareness that I can't, God can and remembering I need to pray and listen...so my 1st Step is generally more a posture than words. Starting my day aware of being human and in need of guidance and wisdom because if I just get up and start my day paying very close attention to brushing my teeth and all the rest of what I need to do before I go to work without starting it first in prayer, I'm defeated before I get out the garage door.
I know this is true because I've defeated myself often - if only by putting on two knee highs that don't match to a vip meeting or wearing rollers in my hair that I didn't know were there on my way to save the world. Yes, I've really, really done that in heels and a long flowing skirt, too! Embarrassing since I trailed beautifully through a hospital parking lot, through the lobby, up the elevator for four floors and down a long hallway to rescue somebody who called me for help with the good deed in my holy, little hands. She wasn't bowled over by my Messiah-complex, but she certainly lightened up with laughter that ticked me off when she saw me because I didn't spy the juice can size rollers dotting the tops, sides and back of my scalp. Yes, I have defeated myself often enough that I know without starting my day with a surrendered posture, Step 3 and Step 11, I can and will make a big fool of myself rather than a little one.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 15th of June 2014 06:51:48 PM
Oh I get this one, im on this step. Asking loud and clear sounds really good. There was a reading that suggested asking for whatever defect was stopping me from being a channel of god. I liked that and I try to think about that. Trying to hand it over each day which is back in step 3 really. I want to be a channel of god, that sounds great to me. So kind of thinking well what would my higher power want me to do or say, what defect is stopping me, well take that one today please. I wonder if old timers do this really quickly in their heads through years of practice.x
WOW, I like this...I can resonate on this....."what defect is stopping me" and how can i be a channel/vessel of love and peace??? that about says it all re: step 7
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
11. Sought through prayer and meditation...praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
(((((C))))) this has been my biggest hurdle....the "his will" is a sticker for me b/c the "male gender" and "his will" goes back to old triggers.....oh how i wish i had amnesia at times, lol....i must , somehow, come to believe that my male parent was NOTHING close to what HP is ...he was pure evil...so "his will" of course was , its sooo hard to not think of my earthly god as being somehow "like" the heavenly one......stupid, i know.....like i said...amnesia in my case would maybe have been a blessing....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I don't use His will often, Rose. It's just how the step is written. I get what you're saying. I had to wrestle with that one myself.
hey C...i think a lot of children w/my history have a time w/this...atheists, agnostics, distrust, even hate for creator for letting this go on, but through program i see that HP is basically a "hands off" HP in many ways, that evil happens..that evil people do walk this earth....look at those nigerian children kidnapped a couple of months ago, most likely traffic'd....what did they do?? so its not just me, i no longer feel i was "targeted" or picked on, I just was in evil's path.....so its up to me to not let it defeat me and i shall fight that every step of the way...i have my bad days where i must grieve my lost childhood and all the magic adn enchantment that went with it.....but i can and am learning to re-parent me so i can experience spontaneity and fun now.....i can let it take me down (NOT) or i can take the evil done to me and use it to be a blessing by helping others (YEP)........i can do that, working on me...let it begin with me
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
And I see you doing that very thing, Rosie. Sometimes, I have visualized my HP as a kindly grandmother sitting comfortably on her big, soft 4 poster bed with fluffy pillows inviting me to lie next to her and tell her about my day. The nice thing about our program is that we can all relate to a HP of our own understanding and it doesn't have to be a he or a him if that doesn't work for us. Nature works for me sometimes, too. Or little chicks with a pint sized rifle and some bullets wrapped around their tiny little frames. My Dad was Daddy to me, so the image of Father is much more inviting and compassionate to me and playful - not stiff and unyielding and the authority on everything.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 15th of June 2014 07:08:24 PM
And I see you doing that very thing, Rosie. Sometimes, I have visualized my HP as a kindly grandmother sitting comfortably on her big, soft 4 poster bed with fluffy pillows inviting me to lie next to her and tell her about my day. The nice thing about our program is that we can all relate to a HP of our own understanding and it doesn't have to be a he or a him if that doesn't work for us. Nature works for me sometimes, too. Or little chicks with a pint sized rifle and some bullets wrapped around their tiny little frames. My Dad was Daddy to me, so the image of Father is much more inviting and compassionate to me and playful - not stiff and unyielding and the authority on everything.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 15th of June 2014 07:08:24 PM
hey C...i love the description of the gramma on her big bed with fluffy pillows.....that is beautiful....adn yes, nature...that was my HP when i was a child...getting on my horse which was my connection to great spirit and getting out in nature.....getting lost and found at the same time.....i can see why image of father would work for you....it will never work for me....gotta find and so far nature adn just the energy of LOVE seems to resonate w/me.....no gender....no form....just LOVE
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
We do recognize that LOVE here, don't we, Rose? Peeking through the words and the avatars of others who come here to listen, to respond, to share, to hold what can't be grasped, to feel what can't be explained, to see what no one of us could ever create, to embrace that which cannot be trapped, to offer what we have to give to each other and to receive what is given to us. Love you, Rose. Thanks for the thread, sister.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 15th of June 2014 08:40:37 PM
We do recognize that LOVE here, don't we, Rose? Peeking through the words and the avatars of others who come here to listen, to respond, to share, to hold what can't be grasped, to feel what can't be explained, to see what no one of us could ever create, to embrace that which cannot be trapped,and to offer what we have to give to each other and to receive what is given to us. Love you, Rose. Thanks for the thread, sister.
(((((((((C)))))))))) WOW...i want to print this....I am sooo glad to be home.....love you too, sister
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Aye, el cee, I was that for sure. 3" inch heels, a flowing cranberry skirt with a matching blousy, long sleeved silky top, and purple and pink spongy rollers with probably a look of intense woman on a mission plastered on my newly made up face. Because the gal I went to "help" was laughing so hard, I never did get to share my best look of compassion and holy interest. She couldn't say what she found was so funny for a minute or two because she was laughing too hard, so my new countenance was probably one of shocked disbelief and the feeling of being made a fool of by a co-worker, until she could finally tell me what she was seeing that I could not see. Mission accomplished that day, but definitely not in the way her holiness (me) thought it might be. We never did get to talking over what she told me over the phone her crisis was. I guess her laughter was enough help? (((el cee)))
all of you girls are awesome...glad i started this thread... C..i can see you with those big juice can rollers in your hair...lol....how did women sleep in those torture chanbers??? me??? i had real long hair that was so thick it took a day to dry if i shampood in am....the only curlers that saw my scalp were the twisty ties and even those felt like machosim....so it was straight or in thick braids....lol
glad i started this thread too....lots of humour and lots of tidbits for me re: the step 7 thingy.....progress---not perfection.....
i figure maybe HP wants me to ASK, just as a gesture of acknowleding it??? or it is my releasing my ego and going into humble mode......i tell creator he /she knows my needs adn wants...i don't have to petition ea. day, so i just do my best and say to my HP that is within me..."Do what ya gotta do, I don't have to keep repeating my needs/wants...i will receive or not receive" the S prayer makes the most sence....and NOTE.....the S prayer.....give me the peace to ACCEPT what i cannot change (my action is to accept---knowledge that i cannot change others/places/things...........give me the courage to change what I can (again, i am asking for courage for ME to do the work and again accepting that i can only change what I can) and the wisdome to know the difference (again wisdome, me and discernment that i can only change me) the whole S prayer involves action on my part to whatever degree, and THEN the whole theme of S prayer is accepting that i can only change me so give me the peace to accept powerlessness over what i cannot and the wisdom to know that i can only change me.....it all goes back to me...what action i can do to fix me and basically peacefully letting the rest go.....so HP is only gonna help me, MAYBE, help myself.....the rest??? like a deck of cards....throw em up in the air and let the chips (or cards) fall where they may
i see this S prayer as proof that I have to do the work.....i can only work on me.....petitioning for the peace to accept.....asking for discernment
I hope this post made sense...i just got up...........brain cells are like a bad xmas tree...bulbs lighten not all at once, but in increments, but eventually the whole tree lights up......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I don't know the answer to your question, Rose, and I find myself asking the question: Is this one of those both and kinds of answers to the question? See you later, Rose. I can see you in the twisty ties, too as well as straight or thick braids. (Reminds me of the refrain from some old song out of the 60s or early 70s - "Flowers in her hair. Moonlight everywhere." Romantic.
I wonder if the asking God is like an invitation to come closer. I see God on the edge of the dance floor waiting to be asked to dance. When I ask God to dance, I surrender and release the need to lead (and this is tough). The serenity prayer is perfection.
I wonder if the asking God is like an invitation to come closer. I see God on the edge of the dance floor waiting to be asked to dance. When I ask God to dance, I surrender and release the need to lead (and this is tough). The serenity prayer is perfection.
WOW, Paula, this is another "I wanna print".....never thought of it like this but it makes SO much sense......and yea, the S prayer is so generic, like we are not telling HP how to do its job, WE are the ones that are really doing the action, like steering the boat, but HP will be the rudder.......we have to master our own ships, but we need a compass to not be running into bouys and stuff............
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I really have learned to spell things out when I realize an old survival tool being a character defect now that is no longer useful, now that I am healthier and grown and no longer need it. I explain to my HP exactly what I want removed and how I want to deal with life and I hand it over asking for him to fill me up with his unconditional love and kindness for others the way I feel my God fills me. I have been healed through so much of my childhood traumas and am so appreciative, I have learned to let go and let God with these things. I am glad you are here! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Yes, I've really, really done that in heels and a long flowing skirt, too! Embarrassing since I trailed beautifully through a hospital parking lot, through the lobby, up the elevator for four floors and down a long hallway to rescue somebody who called me for help with the good deed in my holy, little hands. She wasn't bowled over by my Messiah-complex, but she certainly lightened up with laughter that ticked me off when she saw me because I didn't spy the juice can size rollers dotting the tops, sides and back of my scalp. Yes, I have defeated myself often enough that I know without starting my day with a surrendered posture, Step 3 and Step 11, I can and will make a big fool of myself rather than a little one. 
