Opinions (not sure this is a great subject title, ha! but its gotta have a title eh?0 - Al-Anon Family Group

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

RE: Opinions (not sure this is a great subject title, ha! but its gotta have a title eh?0

ClearTheFog · Senior Member

Ok. Well I have just realized in reading this thread that so many of you know at what point a line was crossed to where you HAD to get away from someone because of how you reacted in their company. This is a problem I am having. For some reason, this part of my brain doesn't seem to be working. I'm still telling myself that no matter how unreasonable a certain person is to me, I should be in control of how I react. But now that I'm writing this out, I get angry when after stating "I have already answered your questions, I can't talk to you about this any more right now" (because the other person is clearly H/A/L/T or just in a terrible mood - non-acoholic). He will still insist on not agreeing to hang up the phone if it's a phone conversation, or will follow me around the house badgering me with questions, that are thinly disguised accusations about all these terrible things I did wrong (usually stuff he is responsible for). At that point, when I feel trapped or cornered, I feel anger and rage, and resort to yelling. It's not good for my health to reach those levels of anxiety. It's exhausting and these days takes me a good 24 hours to recover afterwards.

You would think that'd be enough for me to not want to see or talk to this person ever again. I think I may have to go 'no contact'.

Sorry. Not sure how relevant that was to the original post.

Truth...you should be able to hit the button that says "Quote", which will bring up a reply box with the person's message you want to quote from. Also, you should be able to edit your own posts by now, too. Go back to your message that you want to add something to, hit the 'more' button on the top right of the message. You should see a drop down box with 'edit' in it.

-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Sunday 8th of June 2014 10:03:29 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know why that happens sometimes in some places, LMH. Yet, I also think that insanity in all its forms never makes any sense. It just is what it is. I seldom see it break out here. I just see folks sharing and caring for the most part and healing, too. I agree that folks who have been or are victims of domestic violence need more oftentimes than what Al-Anon may provide yet I also know that violence is fueled by alcohol and that violence is not always physical. Listening to people share, I often see abuse in their shares whether it is verbal, mental or emotional that is disease-related. I do think the program work helps those folks recover from the subtle forms of violence that isn't unique to living with someone with the disease or those affected by the disease.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 8th of June 2014 10:10:49 AM

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you. Seriously you would think I would have figured that out by now. Lol
K I see why now. I am usually on my iPhone and those are not showing up but if I go to the webpage. It is there. Weird.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

CTF: To me that is boundary crashing - what you are describing - and sometimes self-defense is called for and not always sweet and kind. I am not someone who will fight a person hand to hand - that would be to me like the old joke about an ant traveling up an elephant's leg with rape on its mind - but I will roar in a way the person cannot miss my warning. I will then remove myself entirely from that person's presence and if I need to, I will take civil action. I do not believe in overt methods of violence as in using anything that can be considered a lethal weapon - but I will do everything I can in my power to protect myself from a boundary crasher and I won't make an apology for it.

ClearTheFog · Senior Member

G2B...thank you. I have not heard that joke about the elephant and the ant!

So many people here are where I would like to be. But I know you all didn't just arrive there by magic, either.

Truth...an iphone. OK! I still have a prehistoric phone and only use sites like this on a laptop. I'm sure it looks very different!

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Boundary crashing??? I have never heard that before. Clear the fog that is how I feel. Why am I breaking out in tears and running away. I just react differently. I get a migraine after an exchange and have to sleep for a day.

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

K here I am thinking I am setting boundaries wrong but now I get it. E-mail after e-mail and phone calls and showing up at my house if I don't answer. I get it. I have said please don't call. I have said please don't come to the house.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow, powerful thread.

I have also screamed inches from my qualifiers face, and I felt that it felt good at the time. That feeling scared me. I think that I have a bit more compassion for folks that loose it these days because I have experienced first hand how one is capable of doing things one later regrets when one reaches a breaking point.

IMHO (

) when I separate alcohol from the equation I find it much easier to spot abusive behaviour and say no to it. I remember the peace I felt when I figured that one out. I now find it easier to judge what I will and will not tolerate in someone else's behaviour towards me regardless of whether they have been drinking or not.

oldergal · Senior Member

Excellent post to the post on "Opinions" you explained the family alcoholic dynamic very clear. thank you DavidG. og

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.