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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Grief
Post Info TOPIC: Grief
robind78


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Grief
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I have a 29-year-old daughter who is addicted to opioids.  I believe she is on Suboxone at this time.  About a week and a half ago, she came over.  She had been living with her opioid addicted boyfriend (currently on methadone) in her car about two weeks before that.  Our encounter was not positive at all.  I definitely was angry and judgmental.  We changed our locks and security code and I told her that we didn't feel safe because of activity that was happening in the overnight hours.  She or her boyfriend are calling the same number several times during the late night with one minute calls. My husband and I believe they are either using and/or selling drugs.  She was absolutely upset that we "jumped" to this conclusion and denied it adamantly.  She couldn't believe we changed our locks and security code based on this.  Long story short, she left crying.  Besides this one time, I haven't seen her for a few weeks.  She did text saying that she couldn't be successful living in her car and that she felt like a total loser.  I had a weak day yesterday and cried about her situation.  I know I am grieving for my lost daughter.  I also know that I have to let her come to the decision to get better.    Over the years, I have been an enabler and codependent with her and I am really working on not doing that anymore.  This is incredibly hard for me and I am very sad.  I haven't been to f2f meetings in a few weeks because my husband has had several cardiac arrests and has been in and out of the hospital since the end of January.  I have been dealing with a lot right now and have sought therapy to cope with my grief concerning my daughter and almost losing my husband several times.  I know I have to be kind to myself.  I need to learn to let go and let God.  I pray often for strength and also to look after my husband and daughter.  Rationally I know I have to let it go, but how do you do it emotionally?  Thanks for this wonderful group.



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Robin Davis
Jill


~*Service Worker*~

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((Robind)) Now is the time you will know the power of the Serenity Prayer and other al-anon tools. It sounds as if you have been attending meetings, and that is not possible now because of your family's health situation. please consider the online meetings here. Information about them is at the top of this site.

There are many postings here by parents of addict people who have not yet found recovery. I encourage you to browse this site. I know you will find wisdom and comfort. I will include you and your family in my prayers.

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hotrod


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(((Robind)) I am so sorry for this pain that you are experiencing and love that you reached out and shared You are correct it is extremely important that you take care of yourself during this difficult time.

Please keep coming back here and sharing and please check out the alanon face to face meetings in your community. They helped me break the terrible isolation caused by this disease and offered me great new tools to live by.

You are not alone

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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Dear Robin. Your post was so sweet and honest. I can feel your pain. It is a super hard time for you. I have been there, and still am healing from it.

Grieving is one of the hardest things to heal from. Remember you are a walking wound.

I can share for me, keeping busy, almost exausting myself so I got a good sleep, helped me. Also naps, drinking good water and other liquids, eating very healthy food only.That  means lots of produce, good grains, if you eat meat stick to fish, chicken and turkey. Keep it as simple as you can so you will take care of you.

It takes a ton of rest. I learned to pray to my HP to please take this pain from me. Sometimes I had to keep asking as I would start feelind crummy again.

If I needed help I asked for it.

anything that caused me stress, i took care of one day at a time. did all I could do then rested and or planted flowers etc.

When you take care of you, the other hard stuff is easier to face.

Daughter is fine. She knows what she needs. You are giving her a gift of allowing her to take care of them. You are saying to her, I know you can do it, I have faith in  you. I had to make my son leave home. He was not on drugs, just needed to fine his own power. Which today at 37 he is a man to be proud of.

It was hard for me too, but I shared it whenever someone would ask me are you alright? then i would share it and they, especially men told me that was the very right thing to do.

trust her to pull herself together.

Your husband being ill, also makes you ill. I think I felt worse than mine did! brain surgery. So you must take care of you as well as him. YOU first. I spent lots of time in the cafeteria, eating, reading, praying. I would take naps in waiting rooms.

Look to those who love you for hugs.

come here and vent! believe me we care and get it! sending prayers and love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Gaby


Senior Member

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Posts: 234
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Hi there.. Your definitely not alone.. I have a son and his drug of choice started as opioids but let into a harder stinger cheaper drug. I am walking with you. I get on here to cry it all out. I have not seen my son for a month nor have I heard from him for a week. I have to give him to god. I am very spiritual and I pray for strenghth. Our adult children are making a choice. My son had many periods of time of sobriety and I feel that he would know how to find his way back if he truly wanted to. We have no control of them. They were gods children first. We must not allow our adult A's choices effect us. We too have a life and should be able to live our life's too. Your not alone. I posted earlier, read all my posts. We don't need to suffer do to there choices. Even though we do. I grieve for my son every day. But what I do know is god will never leave him. I will with a grace of god get through this as you will to.

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Gaby 
Ingwe


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I don't have much to offer - just that I'm walking the same path and sending you much love and support.

((((robind)))

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grateful2be


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Same here as Ingwe. Welcome to MIP.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Cathyinaz


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3026
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Welcome Robind78

I too have a son addicted that has made my life miserable because I let it. Yes we care but to do it to the point of destroying our lives is just madness. When we except that we are powerless and let go is when we can start recovery. I was a huge enabler and it took time to stop but I did it. I love my son dearly but I give him the dignity to find his own way in hopes someday he will make the right choices to save his life.

Take care of you and keep coming back because you are not alone....



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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
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