The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A long-time friend of AA, Dr. Harry M. Tiebout, clarified brilliantly the difference between submission and the surrender idea which is implied in Step One of the Twelve Steps. In submission, he said, an individual accepts reality consciously but not unconsciously. He accepts as a practical fact that he cannot at the moment conquer reality, but lurking in his unconscious is the feeling: therell come a day This is no real acceptance; the struggle is still going on. With this temporary yielding, tension continues But when the ability to accept functions on the unconscious level as surrender, there is no residual battle; there is relaxation and freedom from strain and conflict.
Todays Reminder Al-Anon tells me that complete acceptance of my powerlessness to change the alcoholic can, indeed, create a new life for me. When I really let go and stop playing God, things will begin to happen. Because at that point, my Higher Power has an opportunity to correct what seemed to me so hopeless.
Acceptance appears to be a state of mind in which the individual accepts, rather than rejects or resists; he is able to take things in, to go along with, to cooperate and be receptive." (Dr. Harry M. Tiebout)
It is so true. When I used to text my AH about plans, he often misread the information and will often scold me assuming it is my fault. I will try to explain and "make" him listen to how misguided he is. Often ended with him verbally abusing me. This cycle happens thousand of times. I will submit each time but try again the next moment with the same result. I was a fool.
Now I keep it simple. One word or one sentence reply. If he did not get it, I copied my previous text and resend. If he is verbally abusive, I shut my phone. No explanation or defense. I accept that I cannot make him listen or care. Tension is removed. Now I get "understand what you said now" without going into a "shouting" match.
This is so relevant to me right now, I think ive still got that wee voice somewhere that some day soon, not about alcohol but other things. Im getting there. Thanks working, I appreciate you taking the time to do this. Thanks.x
Thank you so much WTI - I can sense the difference and it really helps to see that message written out along with everyone's comments. Just what I needed to hear today.
