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My ex-A asked for a visit tomorrow and Saturday. I said no because we have plans Friday and Saturday. He thinks I am not allowed to say no. I just no I don't think so and I am allowed to say no as he will not agree to a schedule. He told me he cannot have a schedule because of his work. I said well then I guess you will have to get use to the word no if we have made plans.
Thank you. It has taken me awhile this time to get centered. He really does think the court order says I cannot say "no". That is his journey not mine.
My kids have the right to say no and so do I thankfully. Must be in the water .. stbax is still trying to dictate how to communicate with the kids. I restated he made arrangements with the kids that he would call. They prefer that agreement. Now he's insisting they call him. Well I guess there will be visitation he had refused to call. I did receive a text stating i tell the kids to call him .. I redirected him to call the kids to make arrangements. We have plans Saturday, he is unaware. I'm ok with them seeing him part of the day Sunday. I am going to try and have someone over. We will see if that works out. GFU! No is a complete sentence! Hugs :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I remember this with my ex husband. He seemed to cling on to the belief that I was there to serve him and facilitate his every whim for a very long time after we divorced. Once I stopped arguing and getting upset and just stating my boundaries in as few words as possible, he seemed to catch on at last. It sounds like you've figured this out a lot quicker than I did, well done
Yep what Jerry said. " NO is a complete sentence " It is so much easier than trying to get any point across to the A. Even the A can learn quickly when you keep the boundary don't deviate from it.
Good job
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Well I'm glad to read this post !! Today I was feeling weak , when your not use to standing up for your self and saying NO it's a hard thing to do and to maintain that NO . And keep your boundaries it's a lot of work. I really liked how you just said NO with nothing else after it !!! That is what I need to work on and that's I don't need to explain why I said NO. I talk to much lol when I really don't need to ..
Thank you for this post
Yeah I can very much relate. It was hard to retrain my exAH that he didn't get to dictate our lives after we moved away from him. However I set boundaries and held to them, it wasn't easy and took me time to not feel guilty for having my own wants and that they came first for me. Now I don't blink an eye if he tries to throw a wrench into our plans that are already set up, he knows we have busy lives and we need to know ahead of time, the same courtesy I give him when I want my little one. Keep up the good work. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
When I could say no without explanation, I also learned how to say I don't want to do it without explanation. No and I don't want to - ooooooooo - those words did not "run trippingly off my tongue." Like you, I am finding it easier and easier to use them and to stick by them. Good work, Truth.
