The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am the only one in my immediate sibling family who got into alanon and addressed the damage that alcoholic and dysfunctional/abusive families can do to a child....I am thriving in recovery and now help others to heal...I am the one who turned the evil and darkness into something positive and healing...
I just learned that with the exception of my beloved brother Ricky, the entire bio family is "ashamed of me" ..They , before I distanced myself, either shunned me or attacked me outright..... Funny...I don't abuse alcohol...My children love me...My family of choice are proud to be in my company...And I am very respected and loved in my neighborhood...
so ask me if I care what these abusive, dysfunctional people think of me...I would laugh , but ya know?? I feel sorry for them...I see them as spiritually bankrupt people who need the kind of help I cannot give them, so in the interest of my continued growth, I had to detach...leave them behind....I wished them the best, even tho they curse me....Oh well curses are like chickens...they always come home to roost......just saying
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I agree neshema its words coming from sick people so for me they are meaningless, not based on clear thought or judgement and the motives behind it will be coming from the disease and damage too. Sometimes, that healthyness can make people uncomfortable, misery likes company and your no fun anymore because you wont play their game or buy into the bull..... I would take it as a compliment and see it as clear evidence of your progress.x
Neshema, You are not alone My family does not understand the concepts behind AA or Al anon and even though they are all suffering from the disease of alcoholism, they would not consider attending meetings or that they need help.. THey do continually talk about cutting down, changing what they drink or when they drink. I have stopped "preaching"to the choir" and just nod and say a silent "thanks to HP that I have found recovery.
Not everyone understands and not everyone in my family understands what is important is that I understand and for that...I am responsible. Thank you AFG. ((((hugs)))) and (((((MIP)))))
I agree neshema its words coming from sick people so for me they are meaningless, not based on clear thought or judgement and the motives behind it will be coming from the disease and damage too. Sometimes, that healthyness can make people uncomfortable, misery likes company and your no fun anymore because you wont play their game or buy into the bull..... I would take it as a compliment and see it as clear evidence of your progress.x
ya know, I took their whipping girl away...their victim and they are not happy about it.....I really can feel compassion for their staying in the same ole dark place.....so sad...i have moved on.....and i agree "healthyness" makes them uncomfortable....they want to keep me as victim and the victim is GONE HUGS
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Not everyone understands and not everyone in my family understands what is important is that I understand and for that...I am responsible. Thank you AFG. ((((hugs)))) and (((((MIP)))))
Oh I so agree....and YES...I understand more ea. day and I am yes, responsible and OH so grateful I have Program......(((hugs))) and I just LOVE that flower...Hawaii has the most beautiful flowers.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Neshema, You are not alone My family does not understand the concepts behind AA or Al anon and even though they are all suffering from the disease of alcoholism, they would not consider attending meetings or that they need help.. THey do continually talk about cutting down, changing what they drink or when they drink. I have stopped "preaching"to the choir and just nod and say a silent "thanks to HP that I have found recovery.
Hey Betty, isn't it so sad, alanon is FREE..so is Coda and Aca.....thats the sad part...my brother is doing the "Oh I am cutting down" Oh yea, like an addict can "cut down", and oh yea, heard the "changing what they drink" like beer is better than vodka, yep..heard the same thing......some of, a lot of my FOO are non drinking but they have the para disease..even the cousins....and I too, set example...no more preaching to any of them....and like you....THANK YOU CREATOR FOR RECOVERY........I am free of them and their victimizing me.....Its done....I can feel honest to goodness compassion for folks who are their own worst enemies.....they can't hurt me anymore...not really....I have my FOC now and I am happy with them.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hey Cathy.........sooo true, my friend.......my journey is for me, about me, and truly, I am grateful for recovery....almost quit a few times, the pain of discovery was so bad, but something within would not let me........so glad i rode it out....now its kinda maintenance b/c I will slip if i don't stay at it.....but for me the worst is behind me, THANK U CREATOR
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Glad that you are at peace, Neshema, and have found a family where you know yourself to belong and feel cherished. Although I can't say my family is ashamed of me, I can say that we are all affected by a shame-based disease in one way or another. Good that you have chosen to continue to move beyond that shame-based system into the sunshine of acceptance and gratitude! I'm sure grateful for you.
I too have made peace with how my family of origin treats me. My brother messaged me after not talking to me in over a year recently about going in on a gift certificate for our Mom for Mother's day, I said sure and sent him half the money. We had to communicate back and forth about it over a week and it took him awhile to get back to me, which I just patiently waited each time. The message popped up right away on my new iphone and I would answer him quickly and he told me to get a life, because I answered him to quickly. I just had to laugh and be reminded that it was no fun and now I will not message him or try to reach out. I am fully detached, I respond when he or my Mother reach out and I am loving and respectful, but I don't try to pretend we have a healthy relationship or make the first contact anymore, it never used to go well and I have learned. I moved far away from them and am happy about my decisions as far as keeping myself out of their lives. Not everyone wants to get better and I am okay with that. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I too have made peace with how my family of origin treats me. My brother messaged me after not talking to me in over a year recently about going in on a gift certificate for our Mom for Mother's day, I said sure and sent him half the money. We had to communicate back and forth about it over a week and it took him awhile to get back to me, which I just patiently waited each time. The message popped up right away on my new iphone and I would answer him quickly and he told me to get a life, because I answered him to quickly. I just had to laugh and be reminded that it was no fun and now I will not message him or try to reach out. I am fully detached, I respond when he or my Mother reach out and I am loving and respectful, but I don't try to pretend we have a healthy relationship or make the first contact anymore, it never used to go well and I have learned. I moved far away from them and am happy about my decisions as far as keeping myself out of their lives. Not everyone wants to get better and I am okay with that. Sending you love and support on your journey!
"get a life" hahahaha....U R getting a life...its called healing, LOL....omg.....I know i am laughing, but I really feel for those who just are not growing.....for me i dont' know if i belive in reincarnation or not, if it exists, these poor souls will have to come back and learn this crap all over again, while we advance....if their is no reincarnation they will have to face it (lessons and denial) in the afterlife....I want to get rid of as much baggage as I can so when I go home, I don't need a freighter to carry all my crap home...I can pack a duffel bag and fly light, love and support back at ya......and I, too, do not pretend I have a healthy family of origin......I , too, am happier staying out of their lives.............
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Nice to see you back at the board with us, neshema. Thanks for the wonderful reminder not to take that inappropriate behavior personally. You've created a wonderful world for yourself of healing and a genuine love of life. We all deserve the best we can give ourselves with the help of our hp. Sometimes it's good to read a share like yours to help shed the sadness of relationships lost to the disease of alcoholism, dysfunction and family secrets. You've been candid about your history, worked on yourself and surrendered the past to a power greater. "Happy, joyous and free," that's how I see you. Thanks for sharing your progress! (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you for sharing! I am new here, and grateful that I found this site. When I first came to the program I was told that today I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. This was an eye opener and hard to believe. I was raised I had to take whatever my family dished out with no right to be offended. In a meeting, told that I couldn't change people but I could remove myself from the situation. Another novel idea! And lastly, that friends are the family we choose for ourselves. Without this program and it's people, I really shudder to think where I'd be today. Thank you all for being here
It really is their shame they are projecting onto you....your light shines on them and illuminates places they don't want to see. I say BRAVO Miss N!,,,,Nonetheless, these projections can hurt.
Nice to see you back at the board with us, neshema. Thanks for the wonderful reminder not to take that inappropriate behavior personally. You've created a wonderful world for yourself of healing and a genuine love of life. We all deserve the best we can give ourselves with the help of our hp. Sometimes it's good to read a share like yours to help shed the sadness of relationships lost to the disease of alcoholism, dysfunction and family secrets. You've been candid about your history, worked on yourself and surrendered the past to a power greater. "Happy, joyous and free," that's how I see you. Thanks for sharing your progress! (((hugs))) TT
hey TT....well it kinda felt bad, i mean nobody wants to be a "shame" thing at all, but no, I considered the sources and let it go....and you know, no matter what, it is sad to lose family over any situation that is toxic.....I am not always happy , joyous and free, but I am free for sure, LOL...i work on being happy and joyous.......I have, though, created a heck of a lot better way of living....and for program, I am grateful.....hugs back at ya
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
It really is their shame they are projecting onto you....your light shines on them and illuminates places they don't want to see. I say BRAVO Miss N!,,,,Nonetheless, these projections can hurt.
I agree, Paula 100%...they can't raise themselves up so they want to try and pull me down....not gonna happen, not this "go around" I think their projections hurt b/c I am still somewhat shame based...not nearly as bad as used to be....but still not loving me as I should....progress not perfection :)
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thank you for sharing! I am new here, and grateful that I found this site. When I first came to the program I was told that today I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. This was an eye opener and hard to believe. I was raised I had to take whatever my family dished out with no right to be offended. In a meeting, told that I couldn't change people but I could remove myself from the situation. Another novel idea! And lastly, that friends are the family we choose for ourselves. Without this program and it's people, I really shudder to think where I'd be today. Thank you all for being here
I thought you were new...Welcome to alanon.....and u r right...."today I do not have to accept unacceptable behaviour"....amen!!! the reason it is hard to believe is b/c we had to accept abuse b/c we were powerless to resist it as children, then we became "habitized" in accepting abuse.........Reeny, for a newbie, you show extremely good application of program.....keep up the great work....glad to be meeting you
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
hey TT....I think they hurt themselves more....I am "ok" with me and my choices now, since recovery, distancing myself from those who used to suck the life out of me.....its "ok".......they are what they are and are to be pitied b/c they are not working through their life's lessons and will have to keep facing them, I am putting my lessons behind me b/c I see them...learn from them...change my ways/make amends and I can move on....I always believe that what I do to my brother comes back to me ten fold......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
