I started my recovery in al-anon 5 months ago and I can't express how grateful I am for this program. My brother has been a non-functioning alcoholic for the past 18 years, he will soon be 35 years old. He has lived with my parents his entire life except for probably 2-3 years and has only worked during those 2-3 years. He has a 10-year old daughter that he sees on occasion, but he has never provided for her for any length of time. My parents fully and totally enable him and really always have. They give him money, shelter, clothing, cars, alcohol, literally EVERYTHING. He has received several DUI's and child endangerment charges because he was driving drunk (in my parents car) with my niece in the car, he has been in and out of jail, and my parents bail him out of every situation he has been in. He has severe DT's when he tries to stop drinking, including seizures, hallucinations, delirium and he has developed alcoholic neuropathy. He has been in and out of ICU too many times to count and was told by an ER doctor last year that he will probably die in 3-4 years if he continues to drink.

About 5 years ago I began to realize how serious the situation is and I went out of my mind trying to help him. My parents are in DEEP denial and have never forced him to seek any kind of treatment. Since joining al-anon I have also come to the realization that my father has been a functioning alcoholic my entire life. I have since read many books about adult children and I can relate to most of the characteristics of ACOA. This realization has been painful but it explains so much about my life and the feelings and behaviors that I have. My parents are also in denial about my father's alcoholism and rationalize his drinking because he has always worked, despite the fact that he was an absent and emotionally unavailable parent my entire life.

While I have a fairly stable life, with a good job, husband, and beautiful children, my emotional state has been spiraling out of control for several years. I have so much anger, hurt, anxiety, and yes hate and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I felt so ungrateful because I had so much in my life, but I felt empty, lonely, and abandoned. This past November an incident with my father finally brought me out of my own deep denial and I began to wake up to the real world around me. I realized how much my parents were enabling my brother, that my father was an alcoholic that wasn't going to stop drinking even though his child is literally dying in front of him and that my mother, the chief enabler will lie, justify, and defend ANY of their behaviors. I realized how sick all of them were (including myself) and I felt so hopeless and helpless because I was DEEPLY ENMESHED and I was a big part of the problem because I was always the "fixer" and an enabler in my own right.

Through the grace of my Higher Power I found al-anon and a good therapist and I have slowly begun the process of detachment and healing. It has been anything but easy, as I'm sure so many of you know, there have been many ugly words and I am currently not in contact with my brother or my father and in very limited contact with my mother. I had to make the decision to protect my children from my brother and his destructive behavior so I am now the "traitor" who has turned my back on my family of origin. It is painful and some days I barely have the strength to open my eyes let alone face the day, but I know that I have to be there for my own husband and children. We live in the same neighborhood, on the same block as my parents and brother so there are still many drama filled days, but I refused to be sucked back in!

I have been lurking for quite awhile and find inspiration and strength in so many of the posts I have read. I am currently working on Step 3 and have a feeling I will be "stuck" there for quite awhile but I feel myself getting stronger every day thanks to my Higher Power and Al-anon!