The material presented
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Two updates on various things. First, the meeting with my friend who was drunk on the phone. Well, so far I've weaseled out of that one, though I know the hard work is coming. He had to change the time he was coming, and meanwhile one of my pipes started leaking through the wall, so I just said, "That time doesn't work, I'm afraid, and I need to handle this pipe leak." So I avoided the meeting. I'm intending to send a concerned but brief email about his drinking, I mean a healthy email while letting go of expectations. So I only give myself a C on this one so far, but I do have more of an idea on going forward "Saying what I mean, meaning what I say, and not saying it mean." I also have a history of avoiding hard topics, so this is my chance to really step up to the plate. I'm going to make a pledge here to do it right, so I will get that extra boost. "I can't wimp out on this! I promised the MIP folks!"
Second, my ex has most of the syndromes in the book; in addition to being an intermittent-binge-drinking-A, he is a hoarder. In January he wanted to drive our son to a special event in the next town over (maybe a 15-minute drive). Since he has long dry periods, I wasn't worried about the possibility of him drinking -- it's plenty obvious when he's drinking. So drinking wasn't the issue. But I said, "I'm happy for you to go to this event, BUT only if you clean out your car entirely first." Because his car was stuffed to the roof with papers and junk. He said, "Okay, I've been meaning to do that anyway" and he DID it. Brought the car over and it was clean. So they went to the event and all was fine.
So now he's complaining that he can't drive anywhere because one of the tires is shot. "Why don't you get a new tire?" I say. He's poor but not so poor he couldn't afford a cheap tire. "Yeah, can't do that yet," he says. So his ways are mysterious, so I just shrug. But then I happen to drive by his place and I see his car, which is hard to avoid seeing because it is up to the roof in junk again. I'm not even sure how he fits in there to drive it. So my guess is he is embarrassed to take it to the tire place because of the junk. So he's been on foot for about a month because of this.
I can remember a time when this would have had me tearing my hair out. But at least now I can be philosophical. Drinkers drink. Hoarders hoard. That's what they do. Recoverers practice recovery. That's what I'm doing.
You can continue to take care of you and pray he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired of his messes. Let him hurt...let him walk. Letting go is the best medicine for the A.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Its really sad when you think about it isn't it? the way A's think and how they make life so hard for themselves. If they only know the gifts recovery could offer them,
You have a great attitude and way of looking at life Mattie and I think you will handle your friend really well and in a kind way. Im a bit like a bull in a China shop at times, but its about being true to yourself, you have been damaged by alcoholism which makes you hyper sensitive to being around drinkers and drunk people. Your reactions are driven by not only your feelings but if your like me your whole body reacts so to keep your serenity you need to take care of yourself and do whats right for you. Keep it simple and just be honest, how he takes this belongs to him and if he takes it badly then its probably due to the alcohol anyway which kind of makes it invalid. You never know it might help him in some way. Good luck and remember its about you and not to punish or change him.x
Hi, Mattie: Sounds to me as if you were saved by a pipe and a time change? Your commitment to talking with your friend about your concerns makes it sound to me as if you are really sensing this is something that is right and loving for you to do?
As far as your A goes - sad to me that he is so sick. Good that he cleaned the car out before picking up your son and so telling that he went right back to refilling it. There is a gal in one of my groups who owns her own home and still has her car filled with stuff. Her shares are sometimes so profoundly honest and inspiring to me. She struggles so much in her life and stays committed to program even if she usually shows up at a meeting 15 to 20 minutes late and makes sure she gets settled in noisily and then opens her coffee thermos and pours herself something to drink. It usually is contained in a large bag with other stuff. Your description of your A reminds me of her. I'm going to send up prayers for them both right now.
As far as you go, I am always happy to see your posts, Mattie. I learn so much from you. I do hope that pipe and leak problem isn't going to cost you much in the way of damage and repair.
Wow! That is crazy hoarding. I'm sitting here looking at a 3 inch pile of paperwork that needs to be filed and getting stressed about it, LOL. It's nice to see your program working for you and knowing that even when we don't live with active addiction, it still affects us. Hence the reason we need to continue to press on and get further in our own recovery, right? Hugs, thanks for sharing today!
