The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im feeling a bit anxious tonight, a bit on edge. I feel that one door has closed and another will inevitably open and its the fear of the unknown. What makes it worse is that where I live days last a long time in the spring and summer. During the winter when I felt this way the days ended quickly and in a way things seem less scary under the cover of darkness because the world felt still and quiet. Now the spring has sprung, its 8.30pm here and still broad daylight and I want the world to go to bed. I think this is highlighting the fact that Im still letting fear control my life to some extent. I have not dealt with all the demons and I can at times hide from the world. In the winter, it is socially acceptable to hide away. Now, it feels like the cold light of day has arrived and is telling me that the day is not going to go away.
Alcohol has still got a hold of me, the fear that now the weather is warmer and people here use alcohol to celebrate weekends, sunny weather, births, marriages, death, you name it. Theres no escape and my son still thinks he is like every other non alcoholic person on the planet. He turns 21 tomorrow, should be a cause for celebration but that involves alcohol and i cant stick it. I think of what a 21st birthday looks like in a healthy family and that is not going to happen tomorrow. My son, in denial of his problem probably wonders why he doesn't get that kind of celebration like other people. We, me and his Dad, just to make sure I really have fun, aye right!!!! and my adult children, are having a meal together. My son will drink, I will get uncomfortable, react body and mind, and feel on edge for the rest of the night and maybe another couple of days if this sparks a bender. It gets a bit old. Ive not being around him drunk for a good while now but theres no getting away from it tomorrow.
So, this is what is going on with me right now, dread and fear. Ive got to get a grip on myself so that if the worst happens I can handle it well.
I understand. It has helped me to remember that I am never needless or wantless. If it works best for me to have an escape plan, I make the plan and it gives me comfort. It also helps me to go do something fun to give me a lighter perspective on my life. Hugs, elcee, I know the future is looking grim as you project forward, so stay in the moment as best you can, have a cup of tea with your virtual friends and watch a funny movie
It's so weird you have echoed what I have been thinking about the kids dad .. warm weather means drinking it's what he does best.
I'm just in this space of having to let it go or it's going to consume me .. honestly .. I'm more concerned about him paying me back than the drinking. I so understand how different it is when it's the kiddo. Give him to God.
I agree with PP .. do something nice for you tomorrow and enjoy the time you see your son and just pray for the best. There is no way to stop a train wreck .. I can't live my life in fear of the train wreck either.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Because of it being a 21st birthday the alcohol is part of it in most cases. Me....I guess no matter how my son would feel about it I would say no alcohol until after our birthday dinner together, cake and talk...then my son could go his own way to celebrate with his drink. I would have to keep my boundaries no matter what.
Take care of you and don't let it consume you my friend.
Prayers for you and your family that all go's well
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
A few years ago I was asked to come up to Scotland to do a talk for some young people. It was June. I arrived at my B&B at midnight and the sky was still aflame with the setting sun. So beautiful, and I was so very happy to be there. But sometimes what we love can also magnify our worries so I just wish I was there with you to share a twilight cup of tea! Can I join you in spirit at least?
I hope today goes well - what an important day for your son - and I'm not surprised that you are feeling anxious. It is at times like these that I try really hard to keep the focus on myself and wear blinkers about what I might think is best for others. I've woken at 5am this morning because I have a work trip in a couple of days and my mind is projecting about all the things that I might need to be doing. Not helpful! The benefit is that I woke in time to enjoy the dawn chorus! I hope you can enjoy the moments on this special day and no matter what happens, it is still special. Congratulations to your son and ((((((hugs))))))) for you.
You know all those blunt "card" things on Facebook? I sometimes wish there were ones for our Alanon family here even though it totally goes against compassion and not saying things mean. I can envision a card saying "Well, now you can be a legal alcoholic. Please don't screw up your whole life drinking like you have already shown you might. Happy 21st Birthday!" When I think that though...I have to remember:
What was my 21st birthday like? I got rip roaring drunk at a keg party we threw in the doublewide trailer we were renting off campus in my senior year in college. It was pretty standard I guess. My mom would not have been happy. She would have been horrified by my drinking and I hid that binge behavior from her for most of my drinking because I was able to function in school and at work later on so... I became an alcoholic and was really headed there by 21 looking back, but I am somehow okay now. More than okay. Your son will have his path to follow also and hopefully it will all lead him to where he needs to go.
Hi, el cee: I can certainly relate to your concerns and from a parent's perspective - the dilemma: "How do I celebrate my son's 21st birthday especially with alcohol involved?" Maybe it would help to take the words "my son" out of the question (if it is yours?) and put his name there instead? I can better step out of the problem and into the solution when I'm thinking in terms of the observer. I hate being around people who drink and yet there are special occasions I am invited to like wedding receptions and most recently my family's gathering the night before my Dad's funeral. I enjoy what I can - contribute what I can in loving presence - then I leave when the alcohol starts flowing. I can't control my friends or family but I can control how long I'm going to stay somewhere that will become more than uncomfortable for me.
Hi El, if the dinner is at your house, then you call the shots, if not you have no control period over his drinking, but how long you stay is your choice.
You wrote a "story" in this post.
If I may suggest you rewriteyour "story", what do you want the next few days to look like, how do you want to respond to the activity and action of others.
This is YOUR life El-Cee what do you want it to look like? You are NOT a victim.
Where I live it is light all night. What I do is make my bedroom very dark like night, and close out the world.
og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Thanks for your support, the dinner went okay, son did drink but not much and it was over in a couple of hours. The legal age to drink here is 18 so its been socially acceptable for a while now. I really like the idea of removing 'my son' and using his name, detaching and seeing him like any other adult really will help me not accept unacceptable behaviour. OG, you top me thats for sure, coming from a land of 24 light 24 dark, Im sitting here right now with my blinds closed and my lamp on and i cant see the light. Wow, im never happy, it wasn't that long ago that i was complaining about the constant darkness.lol Im not a victim, Ive not been for a while now but I get scared in case I go back there, but I know I wont for long even if it does happen. Thanks everyone.x
You know we mothers have such an imagination about what could happen, what might happen, what should happen! Sure wish we could cash in on that vivid imagination we would be rich!! og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
OG: Maybe there's a way we could do just that? Perhaps we should create a movie together? Of course, somebody with a really good camera would have to film it all and we couldn't pay anybody, but I'm sure a large percentage of the population - especially Moms could relate to it all? Let's make it a comedy.
We'll sing "Some Enchanted Evening" as we ride away on his white horse into the setting sun - right before we both fall off it into some kind of yucky-muck and I'll have to save HIM with my quick wit and the help of my creative sisters who can re-write the ending utilizing those vivid imaginations that OG compliments us for having.
