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The past two days... Talk about a roller coaster. I'm posting from my phone so I hope this is semi coherent lol. So I had a great couple of days with experiencing some more breakthroughs in some difficult areas. I know I've received some potent blessings lately too:) but yesterday I sort of experienced a setback and am now a sweaty shaking mess. I think I'm being tested and I haven't studied hard. I had an ultrasound done for my new doctor after having rather constant bladder infections and pain. I was happy that this doctor even got all my appointments set up so I didn't have to go though the phone maze that this clinic has. Anyway the during the ultrasound the technician found a really painful area and lingered over it forever. She then left me hanging when she told me that my left ovary "looked good." Now I'm playing the waiting game until next Thursday and since I had cancer and a hysterectomy some years ago, I'm just not handling this too courageously. Part of me is laughing at the irony I'm imagining and part is crying because I was feeling a couple of days ago like I'd finally gotten a new lease on life. Then there's the part that's scolding all the voices in my head, saying that I'm acting like a silly little girl when I don't even know what or if anythings wrong. It kinda blows too, since I can't really vent to the A. My lovely cat has been awesome in all of this, loving on me and staying right by me:) just like he did 5 years ago...
Just venting here...Thanks for reading my melodrama:)
Oh sweetie,I understand the fear and things hanging in the air like that. We've all been there. My sister is a leukemia survivor and there are times, when even now 20 years later, she has feelings of overwhelming fear about her cancer returning. I think it's natural. You know, I realized a long time ago that venting to an A wasn't really satisfactory towards my own emotional health and healing. Usually, I had some weird expectation that, of course, went unmet. We're here for you and I hope you have some friends and family you can turn to when you need someone in real life. Hugs and support to you today!
It is perfectly okay to feel afraid and to share it. You're acting like a human being who had cancer and now a cancer scare. She left out just enough facts to keep you guessing in the dark. That's a hard place to be. This isn't melodrama to me. It is a scary time for the strongest and the staunchest of us. Keep us posted. Lots of prayers for peace and good support as you wait one day at a time for the outcome of this test.
((((RJ))))...FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real really really helped me because until I had all of the information it was my head that manufactured it without the facts. I remember a phone call at 9:30 at night from my doctor after he got the MRI on my colon. He first said, "There's nothing to worry about" yet the phone call woke me from my sleep which was harder then to get back into because "they had found something on the mri and I needed to be in his office the next day". "NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT??? THIS IS HOW IT IS DONE WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT??? Any how just then a black widow spider bit my forearm and gave me something more urgent to worry about that was real...I could feel it and see it. HP helping me put things into perspective...me thinks. I found out two things...one the polyp wasn't cancerous and I had a bunch of other trials coming on the tail end of the colonoscopy and two I've got a natural resistance to toxins. If I don't know...I don't fear and my imagination does drama mostly just so I can experience humor. Go plant some seeds.
Thanks for sharing about it. It's so hard not to project when we've had a prior experience with something. Hp is there loving and guiding you through this as you wait for more information. Pets can offer such wonderful comfort to us. You can be grateful for your little cat's gentleness. Sending you prayers for a positive outcome. We care about one another here. Please keep us posted. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I am an early stage ovarian cancer survivor and my Mom is a late stage survivor and I can project at times when something feels wrong, but I do remember that all is okay until I hear differently. Keep your chin up and live as all is well until you know for sure differently, easier said than done at times, but that is why we have this wonderful al-anon program to work. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
