The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
feels like awhile since i have connected. . its been a strange and emotional couple of weeks. as you know about about a month ago i was planning my divorce. . and then i stayed. now after that must admitt i think my ah was shook up a bit. he adjusted his ways. made some effort and has been actuallt trying. hes not sober by any means, out tonight in fact but the intensity has died down a bit. . for now. . im a realist. that said, our family dog of almost 16 yrs had to be put down last week.:'( she was slowly dying at home until we coukdnt take it anymore and as a family made that final trip to the vet. what a terrible day. it was the longest day on record. we spent the remainder of the week in what felt like shock. . the three of us clinging to each other. my daughter and i are doing ok. . my husb is still really struggling. he insightfully admitts that the relationship he had with the dog was the most committed relaionship and that of unconditional love he had ever experienced. so hes struggling. as for me, its odd to have him home and needy. . two solid weeks as we kept vigil until the dog passed. . .he was home, available, compassionant. . .it was nice but a bit unreal. i was compassionant and all and loving and such but its just odd to have spent that kind of time together. as this week is unfolding, i have cancelled yet anither therapy appt. i just cant seem to go back after my appt last month when i was plotting my divorce. my wise sponsor reminded me that its not about pleasing anyone its about taking care of me. . .that said, ME needs a break. emotionally im recivering from the dog thing, physically im exhausted from loss of sleep, work and weariness from a spring that just cant seem to get here.mentally im tired of ME talk. . im tired of talking, tired of thinking. . simply tired, but strangly, im ok. so i cancelled the appt and will try again in a few weeks. on the friendship front. . my ine dear friend of 15+yrs has all but removed heself from my reach apparently. since dec ive called, left messagess, sent cards and emails with barely an acknokedgement. im trying to let go, but its tough with no response. i know her marriage is no easier than mine. . but weve always had each other. . i fear she either grew weary of my story, knows something she doesnt want me to know or has her own mess brewing. . either way, its another loss. but. . im ok. . just being real and trying to be in the day in the moment. thanks for being thete. ((()))
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Sorry about your dog, its hard to loose something we love. You sound calm as if you have accepted the reality of your situation which is in my experience a good thing. Everythings ok at the moment and you can enjoy the peace and at the same time still be realistic enough to know that it may change, working the alanon program lets you trust yourself in a crisis. It gives you tools that every person living with an alcoholic needs. It may be a good idea to get those tools.x
(((((TOC))))),
I'm sorry that your lovely dog has passed away, it is never easy loosing that special relationship.
I can completely relate to that feeling of wanting to have a break from self examination and the examination of anything else that is wrong for that matter. For me it is important to look outwards and use the wonders for nature as a celebration of life - and in some ways, for me, looking outward and being interested in other things is essential. I guess it is just another part of being real. I get bored of me from time to time and need a break!
I'm sorry you lost your friend and family member, TOC. Kudos to you for waiting on making a major decision and a major move until you are rested, centered and clear on what you need to do, why you are doing it, and how you are going to handle yourself as you do it.
