The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I could feel it rising up in me. My addiction was rearing its ugly head. After a mostly quiet patch, his using in all forms has been ramping up and along with it, my stress, in the physical and mental forms. I tend to get cold sores under stress and it's funny how I've been feeling the tingling pain of a blister forming in the same old spot. I have a jar of ointment that has kept it at bay. I wish the same could be said for my mouth. I know the steps I need to take, I have the tools and the insight and still.....After last night's drunken/stoned rave. I sat down and...wasted my breath. I'm as much of an addict as he is. I just happen to be functional enough to keep my job and pay bills and try to be responsible, but I'm not that different otherwise.
Gosh do I know where your coming from. I don't know how many times I have done this. But we can only move forward and try and correct our actions. I now say to myself.... STOP, DROP AND THINK before opening your mouth Cathy.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Lol Cathy;) yeah, after today I remembered that saying I have seen on here "Lord keep one hand on my shoulder and the other over my mouth." I think I need to start writing WAIT on my hands again!
Bwaahhhaaa, I always repeat that one to myself or else I'll be really sorry that I opened my mouth! We slip up too, and it's never too late to start your day over and make amends to yourself or to someone else. I completely understand where you're coming from, though. Although, I do think you're different: you are working a program, you know what it looks like to slip and therefore you know what healthy looks like too. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope you get some rest and quiet time for yourself at some point tonight. HUGS~
RJ I've been "practicing" all day and it has given me a good pay off. Today I resolved to have a "quiet" day, meaning me being quiet...mouth and brain. I truly have a very good justification for it and so when waking up I had my simple task in front of me..."be quiet".... that meant overcoming the opposite of "think speak" and "vocalize" when it wasn't necessary or even healthy. The practice works. I've had periods of serene peaceful silence along with slips. Gonna keep practicing. (((hugs)))
Sorry it's been a struggle Raven. I know it's good to mind your own inventory, but careful not to over-pathologize or compare yourself to the A too much. If you think you are as messed up as him or the same, you will be more prone to accept unacceptable behavior.
You're working a program. He isn't. There's a big, big difference. I've been at this 35 years and I still slip. The good news is - like you - I recognize it when I'm slipping and I know what to do to get back on track. So do you. You're here. That's a very good choice to make. You could be where he is and still insisting he change his ways, stop drinking, stop using, stop acting crazy and we all know how well that all works. (((R)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 28th of April 2014 08:58:20 PM
